Tonight was destined to be a night either for simple gratitude or a spin of the wheel. The wheel won, and I’m glad to post a piece from September 2011 in which I express gratitude for my daughter. I continue to be grateful for her life and how it’s unfolding. Enjoy this brief post
I just got off the phone with my daughter,Michal. It was a quick check-in call to see how she was doing. When I’d spoken to her earlier in the evening she’d been struggling with some emotional stuff. It isn’t easy when your “child”is crying on the other end of the phone and you can’t put your arms around her and offer physical comfort. It doesn’t matter if she’s 1 or 21,she’s still your child and you still want to make it all better. At least I still do. But of course I know that the more grown my children get the more I need to step back, let go and allow them to learn navigate their own waters. Easier said than done, that.
I am so proud and grateful for who my daughter is becoming. I watched her struggle through two really rough patches in her life–the first when she was around eight years old as she struggled to come to grips with her father leaving and our subsequent divorce, and again around 15 as she tried to adjust to our moving to California from the town where she’d spent most of her life. Both times she seemed to get lost in the midst of her grief, pain, sorrow, and anger to the point where I couldn’t find the sweet-spirited, open hearted, loving little girl I knew her to be. There were times when she’d look at me with such sadness in her eyes as if she were saying,“I’m in here, Mommy. Please help me.” As a teenager, she was rebellious, angry, sullen and tried to get herself into all kinds of trouble. But even when she was being “bad” and no matter what she did, I believe she knew I could still look in her eyes and see who she really was. I never stopped believing in her and never gave up on her.
I think it’s safe to say that she “squeaked”into college–though her grades weren’t awful, she was still fortunate to be admitted to the schools she applied to. In college, something magical happened: she blossomed. Oh not at first, it took her a while to adjust to being there. During her first month up at school she got mononucleosis and had to come home for a week to start to get healthy. And it seemed like each semester some drama or other seemed to befall her. But each year she’s gotten stronger academically, become more engaged in campus life, and more sure of what she wants to do when she graduates next spring. She still struggles now and then, like she did this afternoon; but she’s continuing to develop the tools and the inner strength to pull herself out of them.
I am grateful for Michal, and I’m grateful to her. She’s handled adversity with courage, strength, and grace. She can also be very, very silly, which I also appreciate. She laughs at all manner of things, is goofy, and finds humor in a wide variety of places. She’s smart and talented and is a wonderful singer-songwriter. And has just started writing her own gratitude blog. Gee, she sounds like a chip off the old block!
