I think I have been on an extended ride of Mephistopheles the Mechanical Bull. I think that in the last several weeks I have been whipped back and forth, up and down, side to side. So much happening so fast that it feels like I am holding on for dear life, barely able to keep up with it all. And yet, as always, there are periods of grace sprinkled throughout the day that make the jarring ride on the mechanical bull bearable. I’ve had some really, really bad days over the past few years, as well as some pretty good ones, and a whole lot of days that fall somewhere in between. I am grateful that through all those days–the really, really bad, the not so bad, and the almost good, the actually good–I nearly always experienced moments of grace. Not only that, I am grateful to say that I recognized them as such, which is also something I am incredibly grateful for.
Today I continued in the jetlagged feeling I’ve had for the past few days since my sister and I returned from our long weekend in Georgia. In spite of being in a bit of a fog off and on all day, I did manage to get some good work done on a project and had an generative, productive meeting with a colleague. On the one hand I’ve felt bogged down by all the work I need to get done and on the other I get energized when I see the possibilities in the work I am doing. It is those possibilities that keep me going when other things threaten my sense of optimism, dim my vision, and make me want to throw up my hands (or throw in the towel) and walk away. There is a quote from Ursula Burns, the CEO of Xerox, that I use as a signature at the bottom of my work emails. I also have it printed out and propped in front of my computer where I can see it every day.
“The more we do, the more we see the potential of what is possible. We are not discouraged by the enormity of what lies ahead; we are motivated by it.”
I must confess that there are times when I am overwhelmed and discouraged by the enormity of what lies ahead, but this quote gives me something to aspire to and reminds me that while things can be challenging, I have overcome challenges before and will continue to do so. And it’s the moments of grace that happen every single day that keep me moving.
I am in an upheaval mode–my planets got realigned a few years ago and they’re still settling back into their new patterns. I’m still working all the kinks out. I’ve done a lot of work and taken specific, intentional actions to pull myself out of my own life drama and put myself back out into the world. The process is not finished; I can feel the pull of change tugging at the corners of my life. For now I roll with life and whatever it presents as best I can and try to keep on stepping. In the final analysis, that’s all I really can do–that and be grateful, of course. And I am that. Every day.
