I am grateful this evening for all the lessons that have come my way over all these months that I’ve written this blog. Sometimes they have been bold and in-your face, but most of the time have been subtle and unremarkable. I have learned in part because I have chosen to search for the meaning in everything that happens around me. There have been many times when I’ve wanted a clear and easy answer: a neon sign to light up and tell me exactly what I need to know and what I need to do. Those times have been rare, if not nonexistent. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about how things work for me it’s that much of what I’ve learned I’ve figured out the hard way.
I continue to seek meaning in what’s happening around me. I ask questions and then I pay attention to everything to see how the answer chooses to present itself. Sometimes I get an answer to a question I haven’t even asked yet. There are a lot of things on my mind these days. At my age, I am still asking myself if I am living out my true purpose. Then I have to sort out what my “true” purpose is. More questions ensure and more meaning making follows. As autumn takes over for summer and the rhythms of earth slow down it’s a good time to reflect on various lessons learned over the year. Tonight I decided to spin the wheel to see what lessons I could reflect on from the past. I am pleased to share a portion of a blog I wrote in June of 2012 about the power of removing the word “not” in its various forms out of our vocabulary. Enjoy!
Some time ago I began working with the notion of trying to arrange my language in such a way that I removed as best I could the word “not”or any of it’s forms from my vocabulary. This meant trying to use different words than “can’t, don’t, won’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t, didn’t…” You get the basic idea. I realized how often I defined things in terms of what I didn’t want instead of focusing on what I did. We are often very clear about what we don’t want to do, have, say, or be, but it gets a whole lot fuzzier when we have to describe what we do want. There’s a great career guidance book titled, “I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Know It’s Not This” that to me illustrates this concept nicely. In my own search for potential careers and potential other things, sometimes the decisions have been defined as much by something that’s not something else, rather than what it actually is. It’s kind of like the anti-hero, being more defined by what you’re not than by what you are. How often do people view the misfortune of another person with, “Well at least I don’t have it as bad as that person does.” or “It could be worse, I could be like so and so.” I remember dating someone once who said, “At least I’m not an ax murderer!”I remember exhaling and saying to myself, “Thank goodness.”
Even when confronted with a scary situation we tend to bravely utter, “I am not afraid!” But what am I then? I am courageous, I am confident, I am unshakable. What if instead of being against something, I am for its opposite? What if instead of being anti-war I was pro-peace? Instead of anti-poverty I were pro-prosperity? Anti-oppression versus pro-liberation?
How many times over the course of a day or week do I direct my speech in an anti affirmative (pro-negative) direction? If I took a tally of how often I used the word “not” or any of its contractions, I would imagine it could number in the dozens or higher. (I started to say, “I would not be surprised if it numbered in the dozens…” Sneaky how that “not”tries to show up.) I wish I were articulating this a little bit better tonight, because I believe it’s such an important idea. We spend so much time feeding ourselves a steady diet of not. And trust me, not is not very tasty (or another way to put that, “not tastes awful and lacks nutritional value…”).
I would like to issue a challenge to readers of this blog and I invite you to likewise challenge the people around you. For the next week, make a conscious effort to remove the word “not” and its many sneaky forms from your vocabulary. Find a positive, non-not way of saying what you’re trying to express. Be kind and gentle with yourself in this process–eliminating the “nots” can be quite challenging…and, quite a worthwhile exercise. Encourage yourself and those around you to find different, more positive ways to say things–you’ll find it’s quite possible to express the same sentiment with a slightly different spin. Keep at it (“don’t” give up!) and begin to pay attention to what happens as you do this. If you have a particularly interesting revelation, comment on this blog below, post it on Facebook, or send me an email (mtchamblee@walkinyourpower.com). I’ll share whatever gems and pearls of wisdom that people share with me. Come on! It’ll be fun (or It “won’t” be bad.)
