I am grateful to be working someplace where even when I encounter challenges I am still grateful. Okay, so maybe that sentence doesn’t quite make sense. Let me try it again. In past workplaces I have encountered challenge after challenge, like surf pounding the shore with no let up. I remember the first time I saw the Pacific Ocean–first in California and later in Australia–and I was impressed by the height and power of the waves. I hadn’t seen the like in my encounters with the Atlantic, so I was pretty impressed. Anyway, I have worked in institutions where the problems or the resistance or the difficulties were fairly relentless, almost nonstop. I’d just get my bearings from one pounding, would just regain my feet, only to get knocked down again. My current workplace, while in many ways as challenging as others have been is different. I feel like I can catch my breath between bouts of drama, and in fact there are long stretches of placid sea during which real work can be done and positive changes made. Imagine that.
I am grateful to be working someplace where I can use some of the skills that God gave me, and while I’ve struggled mightily at times to make sense of and navigate the particular culture of my work setting, for the most part I am discovering the lay of the land enough to know how to avoid the shoals and underwater icebergs that could bust a big hole right in the side of my boat. And while I’m far from having it all worked out, I’m not sailing as blind as I once was.
I was having a conversation with a colleague the other day about some developments in her organization that was giving her real pause; that some of what was happening was so troubling she had to work really hard to focus on her tasks and not look at what was going on in the overall organization. “I guess all we really can do is show up every day and do the best we possibly can and help as many people as we possibly can.” I said to her. We wondered aloud, though, at what point can one no longer ignore what’s happening in the larger organization; when do you know that you can no longer maintain your integrity and remain working there? I’m not sure we arrived at a good answer, but it definitely caused us to stop and think for a few moments about what was important.
I went for nearly 19 months without a regular, full-time job. I had my share of difficulties and being without a consistent source of income was among the more challenging experiences of my recent life. But I also know what it is like to work in a toxic environment where every day you spend their drains a little more life from you and demands from you more of your integrity and honesty than you can afford to expend. In that situation, you have to make a decision to move on while your spirit and soul are still intact and trust that the Universe/God won’t let you fall. It requires a lot of faith to do that, but the alternative–to stay in an unhealthy environment–requires and even stronger level of fortitude.
I am grateful that where I am right now and the enterprise in which I am engaged has not yet required of me that I compromise any of my values and the integrity that I try to embody across the various areas of my life. On the contrary, I find that I can bring more of my whole self to the work I am doing now than I have been able to in recent years. I have learned from painful experience that if your values are out of alignment with those of the people with/for whom you work, the Universe is more than capable of seeing that you exit from the situation, one way or another. I’ve found that to be true in other areas of my life, not just the workplace. I am still seeking clarity about what my “life purpose” for this time truly is and if my current work is allowing me to live it out; but at this moment my work is closely enough aligned that I am settled. And for that degree of steadiness I am sincerely grateful.
