Lesson in Gratitude Day 838

What is a the heart of the matter? How often I have run across situations in which the simple, but challenging answer was forgiveness. I think a lot about forgiveness; it seems like every time I turn around I am offering forgiveness or asking for it. I think one of the greatest gifts we can give another person is to forgive them, to release them from responsibility for some perceived hurt or slight they have perhaps caused me. There have been people in my life to whom I continue to extend forgiveness even though they are many years removed from my life. Occasionally I’ll bump into a painful memory–something will touch a nerve that I’d thought had healed–and I have the opportunity to forgive all over again. Wait, didn’t I already forgive them for it? Yes, and now I have a new opportunity to forgive them for it again at a newer, deeper level. So as the song says, “I’m thinking about forgiveness.”

Tonight I was talking to a friend about a thorny situation in which I have been asked to intervene. “How come I am the one who has to step into this?” I asked her and she calmly replied, in essence, “Because that’s who you are, that’s what you do.” One can hardly argue when it’s put back to you in those terms. The problem, in part involving some very old, longstanding issues between the parties involved, could be resolved with plain old basic forgiveness–the willingness of each party to offer and receive forgiveness.

I’ve heard people say, “You can’t expect me to forgive and forget.” to which I want to respond, “Okay, so don’t forget. But forgiveness is non-negotiable.” I have spent my entire life forgiving and letting go about things I sometimes wish I could forget. The older and stronger the pain, the deeper the wounding, the more likely I am to remember, even if I’ve forgiven repeatedly. So no, I don’t necessarily expect forgetting, but my hope and expectation is that I can continue to exercise the muscle of forgiveness. I keep going back to the question Jesus was asked by one of his disciples, “How many times must I forgive my brother? Seven times?” (Sometimes I wondered about the basic level of emotional intelligence of some of these men…) Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” That’s a pretty high standard to uphold, but it’s the expectation.

It is not easy: forgiveness requires hard work. As I said at the beginning, it’s quite simple and very difficult to do. And yet it is among the greatest work I believe we can do, both for the people we forgive and definitely for ourselves. It is in our own self interest to let go of whatever it is we’re holding onto and carrying and release it. In the process we are healed and we release and heal others as well. Now if only I can convince the people who need convincing that forgiveness would be in their self interest then the world will be a better place with one less pocket of strife and insecurity in the world, not to mention how much better each of them will feel.

I am grateful for the gift of forgiveness. I have been on the receiving end many times and am much better for it, and having been forgiven it makes it easier for me to turn and forgive others as I can refer to how it’s been done for me. Seventy times seven, hmm? Well, I reckon I’d better get back to it.