I’m trying to ignore the sniffling and am acting like I am not coming down with something. Who has time for that? Certainly not me. I have been fortunate to have been able to will myself past those times I wasn’t feeling well and do whatever work, etc. needed to be done. I am counting on that same level of willpower to push me past this brief bout of whatever. I am grateful to have enjoyed reasonably good health and wellbeing throughout the vast majority of my life. I was born healthy and able-bodied. I’ve never broken a bone, been in a serious car or other accident, or suffered any significant illness. The only time I’ve spent a few days in the hospital was when I gave birth to my two children, and the only surgery I ever had was the cesarean section I had when I brought my daughter into the world.
I am keenly aware of how blessed I’ve been to have enjoyed good health. It is not something I take for granted. During my lovingkindness meditation I pray that I and others are healthy and strong in body, mind, and spirit. So as I sit here, spinning the wheel and hoping I can land on a good post (so far it hasn’t happened), I am hoping that I can rest my way through these minor sniffles and prevent them from becoming major ones. Tonight I am planning to rest early so I am sharing a post from autumn of 2011. I enjoyed rereading this as it reminds me that autumn is a time for turning inward and reflecting on the past year. I hope you enjoy it as well. Happy autumn!
Changes are in the wind. Autumn is fully here–it’s my favorite season. I’m not quite sure why. Lots of people don’t like this time of year. We “lose” the light and are headed into the long nights of winter. As I was driving in for my fourth and final cleanse class this evening, I watched the sun setting into a brilliant orange-red-rosy sky at 6:15. It was completely dark by 7. Next week we’ll fall back and it’ll be dark by 6. Early peoples feared that the sun had gone away and would not return. I think it must be bear energy in me that likes the fall and winter. It’s a time for quieting down, for turning inward in reflection. As an introvert,it’s in my nature to turn inward and reflect anyway, so this is a good time. And though I haven’t lived in a wintry environment for six years I used to relish the hushed quiet walking through a snowy landscape during the winter months, particularly late at night when the moon reflected off the snow and it was almost as bright as day.
I am grateful for the change of seasons, and feel like there are changes in the air. I’ve been making daily expressions of gratitude for four months now. The time has flown by. As I am completing the nutritional cleanse I feel like I’ve rewarded my body by eating healthier foods and paying attention to it in new ways, and that I am also opening my spirit to say, “I’m ready for what’s next.” This has been another time of letting go and now letting come whatever wants to appear. It’s the feeling of being on a path, walking along and suddenly realizing, “Hey, I know I’m on this path. I have no idea where it’s taking me, and I’m alright with that.”
This has been quite a journey. Those of you who are faithful readers of the blog have come along with me. You have witnessed my struggles with sadness and depression, the first glimmers of turning a corner away from fear of uncertainty and failure, and the growing sense of determination to walk through everything without turning or running away from it. It hasn’t been easy, but over the course of one’s life we have all gone through things that aren’t easy. I’m grateful to have had resources–internal and external–to draw on over these months. Each has stood me in good stead and I continue to draw upon them in my current phase.
I have been doing a lot of reading, listening to audiobooks, and participating in retreats and classes about various elements of Buddhist philosophy. I am finding it helpful as I think about my ongoing journey. I am learning a lot about how to go through tough times with as much equanimity as possible. In many ways I feel like a child, hearing some things for the first time and approaching everything from a space of openness and curiosity. And, like a child, I still have much to learn about this life, about being comfortable with uncertainty, about walking by faith, not by sight, about a lot of things. Good thing I love learning.
I’m grateful to be where I am and experiencing what I am at this time. I am looking forward to the quieting,reflective time of autumn as one for more revelation and more learning. I am excited about the unfolding that is taking place. Thanks for joining me on this journey.
