A funny thing happened on the way toward loving kindness: my heart opened up. I have been saying loving kindness meditation (metta), offering wishes of good will toward all beings ever since I first learned about the concept a few years ago while studying and attending the East Bay Meditation Center in Oakland, California. I learned to offer good wishes for myself, for friends, family, and loved ones, for people with whom I struggle (my “enemies”), and to all beings. I learned this in greater detail from listening to lessons taught by the Buddhist monk and Western Buddhism leader Pema Chodron. Anyway, I’ve noticed that something interesting has happened over time: people who were in the “enemy” category have actually shifted from being enemies into the being “neutral” the category I use to refer to colleagues and acquaintances. There’s a kind of hierarchy in offering lovingkindness that I try to walk myself through on a regular basis.
What I believe was happening was that in the process of offering good wishes for people with whom I struggle, my own heart has shifted toward them to the point where I no longer consider them enemies. They’re certainly not friends, but neither are they enemies. And that for me, is been a very important shift. In the process of praying for them, my heart is actually opening toward people with whom I’ve had some past negative experiences. The degree of antagonism I’ve held for these people have varied widely in intensity and longevity. I’m not a big grudge holder; but while it’s one thing to not hold a grudge against someone, it’s another matter entirely to forgive them and to go out of my way to wish them well. It has been quite amazing to notice the shift in status for some of these people. Some of them remain firmly in the “enemies” column, so I still have a lot of work to do, but I am gratified by the awareness of some who have moved from “enemy” to “neutral.”
I am grateful for the lovingkindness meditation practice and for the process of walking through it. Essentially I am praying for each of those groups of people–myself, my loved ones, my acquaintance and “neutrals,” enemies, and all beings–earnestly asking for good things on their behalf. I offer modifications of the statements I learned from teachers at EBMC as well as Pema Chodron, repeating:
May they be filled with lovingkindness. (I sometimes add “and compassion” here) May they be peaceful and happy. May they be safe and protected from harm. May they be healthy and strong in body, mind, and spirit. May they live with joy, ease, and wellbeing. May all of their sorrows, grief, and suffering be held with great compassion. May their good fortune continue and grow. May they learn to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance. May it be so for us all!I continue to learn and grow as I walk this path of well-wishing and forgiveness. As I’ve shared in this blog before, it benefits me to offer lovingkindness to everyone. It opens and expands my heart and my capacity for love, peace, generosity, and so many other attributes that I want to cultivate. My self interest is not what motivates me to do it, but it is a wonderful by-product of doing the right thing. Forgiveness, mercy, love are gifts for both the receiver as well as the bestower. There is no downside. I am grateful for the shifts I am making every day toward becoming a more loving human being. May I continue to deepen in wisdom, lovingkindness, and compassion. So be it!
