On this Thanksgiving Day I am going to offer a variety of simple blessings for which I am deeply grateful. I want to reiterate that the words “simple blessing” are in no way an indication of the degree of importance of these blessings or of the depth of my gratitude for them. Simple blessings are merely how I refer to the very basic, often taken for granted, everyday necessities or blessings that are part of our lives. Case in point is one of today’s “simple” blessings: I am grateful for the love and “I’ve-got-your-back” support of family and friends. For some reason this struck me this morning as I was puttering around my kitchen thinking about the upcoming Thanksgiving dinner as it would be prepared and laid out at the homes of various family members’ homes.
And that reminded me of one of my siblings-in-law who is normally one of the sweetest, most hospitable members of our family. At one point very early after I’d told my family that I was getting a divorce, my ex-husband needed to briefly stop by this family member’s home. We had agreed to meet there so he could pick up our kids for an away weekend. Upon learning that he would be stopping there for a few minutes, this family member said to me, “Tell me what you want, Terry: should I be nice to him or should I treat him like crap?” It still makes me laugh to think about it, particular given this person’s normal personality. I’ve little doubt that if I’d said to them, “Give him the freeze. Treat him like crap, etc.” they would have tried to. While I’m not sure they’d have been successful, I have little doubt that they would have at least tried. I’d had similar sentiments expressed to me by other family members around that time. That was a reminder to me–though I’ve always known it–that my siblings and, by extension their partners and families, have my back, will protect and defend me. Ultimately, I told that particular family member that they could “stand down” and treat my ex-husband nicely as they always had, and that I was working hard for the sake of our children to remain amicable with him. That approach has stood me in good stead and now my ex- and I are good friends and he remains cordial with most members of my family who, with one or two exceptions have all forgiven him.
I remain deeply grateful for my family; they remain my greatest source of strength. It has been their love that has sustained me through some of the most difficult times of my life. And when we’ve experienced some of the most difficult times of our collective lives as a family: the illness and death of our mother 18 years ago and our father three years ago, for the most part we were able to bond together and find shelter and comfort in one another’s strength and love. Like most large families, we have at times experienced periods of detachment and estrangements between people here and there, yet we are blessed to still enjoy the strong connections we share with one another. With such a large brood of siblings, their partners, and offspring, no one need ever feel alone. And that is a beautiful thing.
I am thinking of each member of my family today, sending out love to them as they in various ways go about celebrating this holiday. I have little doubt that were I to walk into the homes and kitchens of any of my siblings I would find some of the same traditional holiday foods that have been part of our collective holiday experiences since we were children. There is for me a comfort in that awareness. The familiarity, the sense of home and a shared history. In a little while I will pull myself together and trek over the Beltway and through the woods (not really) to my sister Ruth’s house to spend my second Thanksgiving with her and her family, including her mother-in-law and brother-in-law. “Ma,” as I have the nerve to also call her is the last “mother” in our family, and I am grateful for her. My Aunt Carol–my mother’s youngest sister–is the last blood relative of our parents’ generation. I am grateful for her as well.
On this day set aside to give thanks may all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May we all know true peace and love and enjoy the fruits thereof. May we walk each day in a spirit of gratitude and generosity. May it be so for all beings!
