Today was a different walking experience at Chavez Park. For the first time since I started walking there regularly some months ago, the city of San Francisco and the Golden Gate and Mount Tamalpais, Alcatraz and all of my usual landmarks were all obscured by fog. And the Bay waters which have generally been much calmer now crashed recklessly into the rocks. I got my first taste of saltwater as a particularly strong surge sent water flying up and over the bench I sit on after each walk. At first I moved away, thinking I wasn’t up for a soaking, but I like my perch and my four-legged companions (the ubiquitous ground squirrels). In fact, one of them caught more of the wave than I did, subsequently drying herself off in the sandy gravel of the path.
It’s cold out here, though I am sitting right under the afternoon sun– I can see it trying to break through the fog. My life has felt a little like that today–many of my familiar landmarks are obscured by a fog of uncertainty about what’s next. But I am aware that my purpose, my calling, my “what’s next” is up there shining behind the fog and just hasn’t shone through yet. I sat for a while longer, watching the waves and wind and fog and contemplating life. Walking around Chavez Park has been a really good addition to my weekly activities. The exercise, the beauty of the water and the weather, and my perch on the bench in looking out across at the Golden Gate are all things I’ve come to appreciate over the past weeks. I am grateful to have access to the beauty and the means to get to it.
Today as I walked in the wind and fog I found myself wondering how dedicated my walking will be when the wind and rain of autumn and winter hit. Of course by then I hope to be working and won’t necessarily be walking in the middle of the week. Nevertheless, I like to believe that I will don my slicker and rain pants and will find myself out there walking even when the weather isn’t perfect like it’s been much of this summer.
It’s hard to believe that it’s September. It’s odd not to be part of a university community welcoming students back to school. It’s how I’ve spent many Septembers. Part of the uncertainty of the current time is whether “what’s next” for me will be back in higher education or another industry, or if I’ll generate income from operating my own business. I’m looking for clarity, even as I keep reading resources, revising my resume (or my CV depending on what I’m applying for), and applying for work. On days like today, when the news is full of gloom and doom about the economy (no new jobs created in August), it’s a little scary. That is where I call upon the reserves of hope that reside within me and that somehow replenish themselves on a regular basis. I’m grateful that the reserve exists. I suspect I’ll be drawing on it in the days and weeks ahead. You know what else I’ll be drawing on? The love and support of family and friends. The knowledge that I am not alone as I go through this time is comforting. I have no clear idea what the future holds for me. So I will continue to “lay the path while walking on it,” living moment to moment, day by day with as much grace, peace, ease, love, generosity, and gratitude as I can.
San Francisco Obscured by Fog
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