Today has been a day of reaching out again. It really is a gift to be able to ask for help. I used to be so uncomfortable by the very idea, let alone the action itself. It was alright for me to offer help, to respond when others asked. In fact, offering help is something I do very well. I’ve spent the better part of my life being a “go-to” person when people needed assistance with something. If I could do it, I would, whatever “it” was, particularly if the person asking was a friend or family member.
I am probably not alone in my discomfort with asking for help. For some people, asking for help means showing weakness, vulnerability, and lack of ability to do for oneself. Somehow we can be made to feel less capable, competent, even intelligent if we find ourselves in a position of needing assistance. Thank goodness I am learning to let go of that. Now mind you, I’m not very good at it yet, but getting better. I used to let myself get into way too much need before asking for anything, which is not good. At least now, even though it takes me a little while to recognize that I can’t do something by or for myself, once I realize I’m about to be in over my head, I invite assistance.
It does take humility and vulnerability to say to others, “I really need your help with this.” Lately when I’ve asked, people have responded, often glad to have been asked, pleased to be of assistance. It has been in reaching out that I’ve remembered that once upon a time when I was in a position to give, to offer aid, to provide support and encouragement, I did so gladly, responding to some of the people I have subsequently turned to now for help. In cases like these, the giving and receiving have been reciprocal. But I haven’t only reached out to “safe” people–those who I’ve helped before or family or close friends. Some of the folks I’ve connected with recently are people I might not know all that well. To ask for their help feels a little bit riskier; though in most cases, the worst that can happen is that they will not respond. I am learning, as best I can, to take the asking and the responding (or non-responding) in stride.
Part of what I am learning during this phase of my journey is that this a time for reaching out, not for hunkering down and trying to weather these storms by myself. I fully anticipate that one of the positive side effects of my current struggle is to fully appreciate how interconnected and interdependent I am with others, and that’s in fact the way it’s supposed to be. I believe humans are communal beings at heart. Somewhere along the way the idea of “rugged individualism” was introduced, like toughing it out, going it alone, or “doing it my way” was somehow a better way of being. What we’re seeing now, in these times of economic difficulty, environmental (weather-related) calamity, and other challenges, we are slowly turning back to one another for support. Thank goodness.
I wrote yesterday that I prefer being more on the giving end than the receiving end; but the truth is, receiving with an open and grateful heart is also a beautiful thing. There is no weakness in asking for and receiving from others, in fact, it often takes a great deal of strength. I’ve no doubt that in the days and weeks to come I am going to continue to need help from people around me. It’s good practice for me to keep asking, and I believe that the better I get at receiving gratefully and graciously, the better I will be at giving, both now and when I am in a better position to give more.
And one more quick note about giving: I am grateful to be able to give time. I don’t have much right now in the way of financial resources, but I do have time. It’s been on my agenda to expand my volunteering efforts. While I am mindful that job searching remains a top priority, offering my gifts, skills and experience in service to others also remains important to me. I am keeping my heart and my eyes open for the next opportunity to give, and remain open for the next opportunity to receive.
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