~Eleanor Roosevelt
My friend has told me that there’s an expression in her culture that refers to “facing the cannon,” that is, confronting something, standing in the face of a challenge, an obstacle, or anything scary and remain there. I have not faced literal cannons–there are many people in this world who confront violence, terror, and all manner of horrors that I will perhaps never face. While some of my “cannons” have been unpleasant and often downright difficult, they have not been life-threatening. So for the sake of tonight’s blog, let’s assume that the cannons many of us face are similarly difficult but not threatening.
I have faced a few cannons in my life, or perhaps in my metaphorical world they are more likely demons and Balrogs–fears and obstacles that I couldn’t outrun but had to take a stand and face. At times those demons seemed real and solid and massive and I shook my head in fear thinking I could not overcome them–loss and grief, depression and loneliness, fear and despair. And yet, when I turned to actually face them, taking a stand and planting my staff and declaring to them, “You shall not pass!” they diminished in size and scope becoming diffuse and flimsy, a shadow of their former selves.
“You must do the thing you think you cannot do,” Eleanor Roosevelt said, and that is what facing the cannon is all about. It is about standing up in the midsts of the challenge and even as you recognize and acknowledge that you’re facing a difficult circumstance, you also don’t allow yourself to give in and give yourself over to the fear. I am grateful for the awareness that has been with me more strongly over the years, the knowledge that whatever I may be facing in my life I need not succumb to it. I might be shaking an quaking in the face of it, ignoring all of my instincts telling me to run and hide, but as I take my stand the circumstances and challenges begin to shift and become less ominous and more bearable. Eventually I calm down and realize there are a number of ways to approach what is happening and to prevail.
I wish I could articulate this better this evening, but my mind is weary and my body needs rest. Perhaps I will take it up again sometime in the next few days. For now, I am grateful for the power of perseverance, patience, and steadfastness that shows up when I need it. It is a gift that keeps on giving, and for that I am most exceedingly grateful.
