Lessons in Gratitude Day 979

I am approaching my “Thousand Days of Gratitude.” It is now close enough that there is no doubt of its reality unless something really unexpected happens. This is very exciting and yet I find myself a little anxious about closing this down. The Lessons have been coming for three years now, with a long gap from this past January through about September when I started up again. Part of it is, I believe, a desire to reach out to the world from the relative quiet of my life outside of work. It’s a small way of connecting to the world out there, letting people know I am here and I am grateful. It’s definitely worth thinking about as I approach 1,000 days and think about what happens on day 1001, 1002, and beyond. For tonight, though, I am spinning the wheel. At the end of a long day, concluded by a lovely dinner out with my sister Ruth, I have just enough energy to spin the wheel. Though I had the subject matter for tonight’s blog outlined first thing this morning, I don’t have the clarity and momentum to push past the tiredness to give it the attention it deserves. And so I’m offering this repost of a piece I wrote in February 2013 about perseverance and with it my good wishes and gratitude for your attention.

Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody,but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds,and shall find,me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
by William Ernest Henley, 1875

On more than one occasion over the last few years I have “thanked whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.” I am grateful for the gift of perseverance that has graced my life over the years. When I think about some of the difficulties I’ve faced, I can recall times when I wanted to sit down and simply give up. Frustrated, despairing ,angry, depressed, I couldn’t always see how I was going to make it through, but somehow I managed it. I owe that to the grace of God and the knowledge that I simply couldn’t give up.  I also owe it to the examples I see in the people around me who in spite of their challenges still get up each morning and go to work and live their lives to the best of their abilities.

As I look upon my life, I continue to seek and find the many blessings–obvious and not so obvious–that surround me every day. By some measures my life isn’t carefree or easy, but by many, many others I live a very blessed life. As usual, it is a matter of perspective.

Every morning, I write in my journal at least four simple phrases of well-wishing associated with the Buddhist practice of metta, lovingkindness. I begin by offering them for myself and in turn offer them for my loved ones, acquaintances and “enemies,” and ultimately for all sentient beings. It’s like a daily prayer that I offer on behalf of us all, and as I offer the metta phrases I often picture and hold the images of certain people in my mind and heart, wishing happiness and an end to suffering for them.

May I/they/we be peaceful and happy.
May I be safe and protected from harm.
May I be healthy and strong in my body,mind,and spirit
May I live with joy,ease,and wellbeing.

They are simple enough phrases, and as I walk through each day, reciting them, sending good wishes out into the world, I know that I change the environment around me, that where I choose to put my focus affects my energy and that of people around me for the better. Sometimes this phenomenon is more obvious than at others, but I believe it to be true and am seeing the impacts of this in my own life.

So I am grateful that I have persevered through challenging circumstances and have come through them with my faith not only intact but stronger. That faith doesn’t look like it used to back in my regular church-attending days, but in many ways it’s stronger than it ever was back then. I am on an interesting path at the moment, moving inexorably forward toward a new “what’s next”that I have a feeling is going to surprise even me. In the meantime, I am content to let things unfold as they will. Every day offers new opportunities to learn, grow, and be grateful.

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