Lessons in Gratitude Day 72

Today was blue Friday and it wasn’t too bad! I first wrote about blue Friday a couple of months ago after I realized that every Friday I seemed to struggle a bit with sadness or depression. It took me a while to figure it out and to explore why I was blue on Fridays, and while I don’t look forward to it and say, “Oh goodie, it’s blue Friday, wonder if I’ll be sad today?” I also don’t try to ignore it or run away from it. It’s an exercise in being kind to myself and accepting what is without judgment. So I didn’t attempt to chase the blues away or to chastise myself for feeling something less than wonderful. I just sort of noticed it, then went on with my day.

I discovered something that I truly appreciate about this blog. It is now a chronicle of sorts of how I’ve lived the past three months–how life has unfolded, how I’ve dealt with the various vicissitudes that have visited themselves upon me. I also started writing things on my Google calendar. I want to somehow mark various events of significance in this journey, no matter how small they might seem. Each of these notations represent actions I’ve taken to reclaim my life–from the first day of volunteering at the Berkeley Food Pantry on June 15, writing the first of these blogs on June 30, to restarting my daily guitar playing on August 12, I keep track of these days. I realize as I read back through some of these blogs and look at the various notations on my calendar that I am proud of myself. These past few months haven’t been easy–in fact some days have felt downright dreadful. But every day I have searched for and found something to be grateful for…every day. And some days I find many, many things to be grateful for. Writing every day helps me to remember that I am blessed.

I am grateful for the resources around me that I can draw upon to move forward with my life. All around me are people, places, and opportunities for me to stay connected to the “outside” world, to do some good, and to continue my search for what’s next for me. While a new job is certainly a primary focus, figuring out what’s next is bigger than that. And the resources I am accessing to help me with this quest are not all external. I also draw from a well of experiences and knowledge that reside within me. These are gifts that I am rediscovering as I walk my current path.

I am blessed beyond measure. I might not always see it–not in every moment. But more and more I realize that “hardship” is relative. I have some struggles in my life, but my life is not hard. I will continue to cultivate a heart filled with gratitude, generosity, kindness and compassion. I might suffer the occasional bout of sadness on “blue Friday,” but I also know that I have the means and opportunity to work through it. May I continue to draw from the well of appreciation and encourage others to do so as well.