Lessons in Gratitude Day 94

Today was going to be one of those semi-productive, semi-laid back days. It would start with changing my bed linen, doing laundry, then settling in to watch my nephew Wes’ college football game before getting back up and moving some big items off my back deck over to my storage unit. Then I would come back and watch more football in between finishing the laundry and running the vacuum and other household chores. It was a good plan, and I actually did strip my bed and start the laundry even before I had my coffee. I had seated myself in the living room waiting for the coffee to finish brewing when, looking out the window I spotted a familiar lanky young woman loping over from the parking lot. It was my daughter Michal coming home for a surprise visit from school.

It was a delightful surprise. She had to take her first ever solo highway drive (some pretty serious roads for a first timer) and must’ve left relatively early (around 9 a.m.) to make the one-hour drive down from Sonoma State. Like most people, I love a good surprise and the moment when I saw Michal through the window I felt such a genuine sense of delight at seeing her. I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed seeing her until she appeared literally at my doorstep. She said she’d had “wanderlust” and decided to brave the freeway to come down and see me.

It has been a lovely day. We went and had brunch, came home and watched a movie on HBO, then she worked on a term paper that’s due next week while I made up my bed and threw the second load of laundry into the dryer. After we moved a few larger items off the deck and took them to the storage unit (with the help of my friends Mary and Erin), we went and had dinner and took in a movie. I didn’t really want to see the film at all–I complained bitterly about it, but it was something Michal wanted to see and she “guilted” me into seeing it with her. In spite of the fact that I fell asleep during parts of the film, I’m still glad we went. It really wasn’t about the film; it was about spending the time together that mattered.

Michal and I have always been kind of joined at the hip. When she was very young and quite shy she would literally peek out at the world from behind my leg. She has always been connected to me with a remarkable level of love and devotion. Throughout my challenges of the past months, I’ve had to frequently reassure her that I am doing alright. Even when I was struggling I had to assure her (and myself) that everything was going to be okay, lest she overworry herself as she is prone to do. “Mothers are supposed to worry about their children, not the other way around,” I’d have to remind her. I hope I am getting through to her and that she’s beginning to relax and believe that I am doing pretty well all things considered. I hope her visit here this weekend will help reinforce that.

I’m grateful for my daughter. As with many relationships, we’ve had our share of mother-daughter squabbles and tensions. By and large, however, our relationship has been filled with love, friendship and deep connection. She still worries about me too much and sometimes I worry about her being too dependent on me and my well-being. There’s not much I can do about that except assure her that we can each begin to let go of the other a little bit and know that we’ll be okay. We’ll see how that goes.

I’ll close by including a poem that my mother wrote for her mother when my mom was 12 years old. I found the poem some 40 years and set it to music. I sang it many times to my mother, and played and sang it at her funeral. It captures for me the kind of connection I had with her and the connection I now enjoy with Michal.

Lessons in Gratitude © 2011 M. T. Chamblee