Today I am laughing at myself a bit. I wasn’t earlier, but now I am. So today was Day One of the cleanse I wrote about earlier this week. I read through the document provided by our leader which described the foods we need to be eating, the foods we need to avoid, and some basic steps for how to get started. A part of me wishes I’d read that document before I started the cleanse or I might have thought twice about starting. But alas, I already committed myself (and some funds) to doing it, so I reckon I’m in it for the long haul.I wrote to our Cleanse leader expressing some of my misgivings about my ability to successfully complete the cleanse process–I have never been much of a cook and perhaps have not had the healthiest of diets, so diving into a mostly fresh, organic, gluten free, semi-vegetarian diet for the next three weeks is a bit daunting.
So then why was I laughing at myself? Well for one thing, it beats crying! Also I know this about myself: whenever I’ve started a diet (South Beach, Weight Watchers, etc.) I am almost always cranky for the first few days. I even warned my friend Mary–with whom I have breakfast weekly (it’ll be fun figuring out what I’m going to eat…)–that I was probably going to be cranky. I also had to alert my son to the fact that there wouldn’t be much recognizable food in the house until I am able to go shopping for him. The stuff I bought for me, while it would no doubt be good for him to include in his diet as well, isn’t likely to be appealing to him. He’ll eat some of it alright, but the man’s going to want his bacon. I am supposed to go visit my friends for the weekend sometime this month. Perhaps I’ll put it off until the first of November when the cleanse period is over. While I’ve no doubt they would be happy to help figure out what I can eat while I’m with them, I think I will spare them having to do that and to put up with a potentially crabby house guest.
I’m grateful for a few attributes with which I’ve been blessed–first, determination and resilience that I can handle whatever I need to. Sometimes that “Chamblees soldier on” attitude can be a bit over the top and unnecessary; but mostly it’s a part of me that I appreciate, particularly when I am asking myself to do something challenging and out of my comfort zone, like this cleanse. Second, I am developing the capacity to laugh at myself. Not ridicule or demean myself, but to genuinely laugh at the sublime foolishness in which I engage periodically. My irritability at the start of new dietary regimens is predictable and now funny (unless you catch me at an off moment, then I don’t suppose that’s very funny.) I have to be able to laugh at, and be kind to, myself in those moments. The kindness factor is important. It’s not easy undertaking something that’ as radical for me as this cleanse is. There’s frustration and worry that I won’t be able to figure this out and won’t be able to get as much out of this process as I hope. There’s a kind of vulnerability in throwing oneself into such an alien world, kind of swinging out there without a net and hoping to be caught. Yes, I will laugh at times, but mostly I will be gentle and kind.
So yes, I’ve done it again–I’ve leapt before I looked. The interesting thing is, though in the past I have experienced moments of terror as the metaphorical ground comes rushing toward me, I’ve never gone splat. Not even close. So we are on yet another leg of this odyssey that is my life–I say “we” because I’ll periodically be chronicling this new adventure right here in this blog. Thanks for sticking with me through these 101 days. Wish me luck for the next 20!
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