Lessons in Gratitude Day 108

It’s been a pretty good, if quiet day. In fact, that has characterized the weekend thus far–pretty good and quiet. I had a very good and thought provoking conversation with my therapist this morning. And I want to take a moment to say something about therapy. It used to be that people were ashamed to admit to being in therapy, then at some point it seemed to become fashionable to have a therapist. I’m not sure what the current thinking on the matter is, but one thing I am sure of is that my therapist has been a lifeline through the past six months. She has witnessed many of my struggles over the past few years and assisted as I’ve sorted through the various vicissitudes of more recent times. More than simply providing a space for me to talk about all that’s been going on and offering her insights and input, she has extended herself to help in ways I can’t enumerate here. What I will say is that I am exceedingly grateful to her for the help she’s given me.

This morning she asked me to look back over the past few months, since May when I separated from my partner and moved out of our house, and to evaluate what changes I’ve seen in myself. I’ve been thinking about this a bit lately, and part of what I’ve noticed recently is this: I used to judge a week by whether or not I could have one good day–that is one day in which I felt relatively good. Now I measure the week by how good it is with one or two spots here and there when I might have had a case of the blues. Things have flipped. I remember telling my son not too long ago that I would like to put together two straight days during which I felt pretty good. I believe I’m starting to have those. It used to be that “feeling good” meant not feeling terrible. Now it means actually feeling pretty good. This is a fairly strange phenomenon for someone who’s spent much of her life struggling with depression.

I do not take any of this for granted. It has been an interesting journey these past few months; moving toward healing and wholeness has taken serious, intentional, focused effort. And other than taking vitamins and herbal supplements, I have managed this process without the antidepressant medications that have been a part of my life for a number of years. I am grateful to God, to my children, to my family and friends, to my therapist and doctor, to so many people around me. And I am thankful for the spirit that resides inside of me that has guided me through this process thus far. I’ve taken some significant steps in adding things to my life that would move me toward healing–most recently this cleanse process. And while I still have things I want to add and things that still need to change in my life, I can look back and see growth and be content in this present moment.

I am grateful. I wake grateful, I go to bed grateful, and I go through most of my days aware of the many ways in which I’ve been blessed. While many things have contributed to the growth I’ve been experiencing of late, the ability to be thankful, even when things have been hard has played a major part in it. May it continue to be so.