I’m grateful this evening for being exactly where I am at this moment doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. Earlier today I had been thinking about the strength of will it took for me to take a complete leap of faith and move to California six years ago. I left what was known and safe and secure and took a chance at finding happiness in a place I never would have believed I’d live. That decision and that move has rippled out in many interesting and unexpected ways, and while I’ve had occasion recently to question it, I remind myself of the old cliched adage that everything happens for a reason. So it does.
Buddhist teacher Pema Chodron wrote a book called, “Comfortable with Uncertainty.” I think I should pull that book out of whatever box I packed it in and re-read it. I’ve realized that I have made friends–become comfortable–with uncertainty. It would appear that for the moment I’m not supposed to have everything figured out in terms of what I’m supposed to do next and where I’m supposed to do it and how it’s all going to unfold. For now my task is to be where I am now, doing what I’m doing and trust in the unfolding as it happens. This can be rather scary for someone who is trying to earn income to meet her financial obligations or frustrating for someone who wants to unpack her belongings and settle in someplace.
Going with the flow can be a little unnerving, trusting in the universe when it isn’t always clear how all the bills are going to be paid can be a bit challenging. Still, that is what’s being called for from me, if I am up to the task. Just keep taking those steps forward even if it isn’t always clear where forward is leading. The subtitle of Pema’s book Comfortable with Uncertainty is 108 Teachings on Fearlessness and Compassion. If there were ever something I need to develop it is fearlessness and compassion, and as I think it over for a minute, I realize that’s exactly what I’m developing. Thank goodness. In the face of the challenges I’ve faced over the past year, I’ve needed both the fearlessness to keep standing when I wanted to fall down and stay down and the compassion to be kind and gentle with myself as I continue working through the grieving and healing process.
Thinking about his notion of being where I am supposed to be in this moment reminds me of the lines from The Desiderata, “Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.” No doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Given that assurance I believe I’ll relax, keep breathing, and go with the flow.
