I am so grateful to have wonderful teachers in my life. Some are actual teachers and others are beings–human and otherwise–who simply in the process of living their lives and doing their own thing manage to teach me invaluable lessons. Today I had the opportunity to spend a day learning about the practice of lovingkindness–of offering love and compassion to and for ourselves and others. It was just what I needed to be doing to give my mind a break from pre-trip anxiety (which I confess has returned a little bit…)
Over a year ago a friend told me about this really cool meditation center in Oakland. She described a little bit of what happens there and a bit about the meditation process as it unfolds there. I think at the time I wasn’t in a space to think about it–too many things going on and my life was full and a bit overwhelming. Several months later my therapist suggested that I might want to check out this really great meditation center, and it turned out to be the same place. This time, the timing was perfect for me to go. I had just started learning about mindfulness meditation and participating in the sitting meditations at the center would help support my fledgling practice. So in late July I found my way to the East Bay Meditation Center (http://eastbaymeditation.org/) for the Thursday evening People of Color sitting meditation group. EBMC has become another home for me, a place where my heart sighs and I can exhale. I am filled with gratitude to have found it when I did.
I have a lot to learn about meditation practice and some of the underpinnings of mindfulness meditation, and I am alright with that. There is no doubt that this is what I needed and need to be doing at this time in my life. Listening, learning, and practicing has provided a calm space in my life and I can feel things activating in my spirit that have not yet fully presented themselves in my conscious mind. I feel like questions I didn’t know I had are being posed and answered all at a level just beneath the surface. And, as Rilke suggests I am learning to “be patient with all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.” At the moment it feels as if there is indeed quite a few things that are as yet unresolved in my heart. I can sit and tap my foot and sigh and roll my eyes in impatience with this lack of clarity, or I can live my life as it unfolds, willing to “be with” whatever comes up. It’s what my teacher at EBMC, Spring Washam calls “joyous equanimity,” that ability to approach whatever comes up with openness and compassion.
Tonight as I am closing my eyes to take my rest I will offer loving-kindness to myself and all beings with the following blessings: May I/you/everyone be happy and peaceful. May I be healthy and strong in my body. May I live with ease and well-being. May I be safe and protected wherever I go in this world. I will offer these and similar blessings for myself, for my loved ones, for the community, state, nation and world. And I will offer gratitude for the wonderful teaching and learning I experienced at today’s daylong retreat. It is not yet clear to me how and when my own teaching time will come back around. I have the heart and mind of a teacher and know a time will come when I will be invited, called upon to teach. In the meantime I will continue to soak up as much learning as I can until that invitation comes or the opportunity presents itself. And, of course, I will be grateful for it all.
