Today has been a good day, start to finish. I had a little anxiety when I woke up, which is not unusual for me. I woke up before I was ready (much earlier than I wanted to), which has also become somewhat routine. So instead of thrashing around wishing I could get back to sleep, I listened to a guided meditation by Jack Kornfield. It calmed my mind and helped open me up to face the day. I am grateful for the days when I have created that energy–those days go much more smoothly, even when things don’t seem to go the way I’d expected or wanted them to go. Today was an interesting mixture of news, outcomes, information that on a “mechanical bull” kind of day would have whipped my emotions back and forth, up and down, and potentially sent me sailing through the air. Instead it was lighthearted, upbeat and a kind of steady-as-she-goes kind of day. And per one of my New Year’s intentions, I smiled a lot today.
This evening I went to the Thursday night meditation for the first time in a month. I almost didn’t make it because the traffic was horrible. But I remained calm and upbeat, chatting and joking with Jared whom I was dropping off for a meeting that was on my way to the meditation center. No panic, no fussing at drivers, no worries. And I got there with plenty of time to spare and found a seat close to where I usually like to sit. I had an enjoyable chat with the person I was sitting next to and was greeted warmly by the meditation teacher who wished me a happy new year said she was glad to see me back. It felt very good to be back, and although I nodded off (several times) during the 35-minute opening meditation, I am taking it on faith that I had a good sit. As the teacher reminded us again this evening, that’s why it’s called meditation practice, because we keep working at it. It’s not something we arrive at and it’s not about perfection. It’s about learning to live in the here and now, the present moment and working for the good of everyone. It was definitely good to be back.
On Saturday I am going to another daylong workshop at the Meditation Center that will focus on discovering one’s life purpose. I am excited about this as I have been seeking to know my life purpose for years. Perhaps I will finally find it! All (well most) joking aside, I have thought a lot about my life purpose over the past few years and much more intensely over the past several months. I am in a space where just such an exploration is quite timely. I have thought deeply about my purpose/calling as I seek employment. Finding a new job in my old field hasn’t yet materialized. I’ve had interviews but no offers. In a number of cases I didn’t even get interviews. Someone finally said to me, “Has it occurred to you that you’re not meant to get work in that field anymore, that you’re meant to be doing something different?” It had, in fact, occurred to me. It is quite possible that I am supposed to be doing something different with my life and that much of the upheaval of the past year has been to shake me free of things I needed to let go of so I’d be ready for new directions.
So I am open, antennae fully extended and ready to receive information from my own intuition and from the Universe about what’s next and potential next steps. I have felt for some time now that I am on the edge of breaking through. That breakthrough is much more profound than simply getting a new job and making a living. It is in part about getting a new life and making a difference. The poet Mary Oliver asks the question, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” Great question, Mary (and thanks to my friend Mary for sharing the quote with me). I think I will be pondering that for myself. And while I’m pondering I’m going to read more poetry, starting tonight with Mary Oliver’s, Wild Geese. Enjoy!
© M. T. Chamblee, 2012
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
© Mary Oliver
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