Wow, long day today. I woke early this morning, as is my new habit, just in time to hear my cell phone buzz indicating an incoming text message. I lay there for a moment, thinking I needed to go back to sleep and not look at the clock. (All the sleep experts tell you not to look at the clock when you awaken too early.) Then, I decided to look at the message, figuring if it was something random I would focus on getting back to sleep but if it was important I’d respond. It was 5:50 a.m. The message was from an East coast friend who was in the midst of an emotional struggle. I’m not sure she had really expected me to be awake, but once she realized I was (relatively speaking) I called her and we spent the next 45 minutes on the phone. She needed to talk, be heard and validated. I was struck by both the depth of her anguish and the simplicity of it: she like so many of us simply wants to be valued and appreciated for who she is. And, also like many of us she has a difficult time valuing herself. I wish she could see herself as I see her–a kind-hearted, loving, intelligent, gifted, human being–but it doesn’t seem to work that way. We rarely see ourselves in as positive a light as others do. By the time we finished the conversation I think she felt better, but I wished I’d been able to do more. I wish I could have held up a better mirror for her to see who she truly is and to allow that person to emerge. I hope to be able to work on that with her, if she’s willing. I’m grateful that I woke at just the right moment to get the text and talk to her.
I spent some time thinking yesterday about fear and other obstacles that stand between where we are and where we want to be, or those blinders that keep us from seeing who we really are. I don’t have the answers yet, but I am forming the questions: what’s holding me back? What am I not allowing? What am I afraid of? I raised a bunch more questions than answers and continued to ponder them this evening. As I’ve quoted a number of times in this blog, Rilke’s invitation comes back to mind: “Be patient with all that is unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions.” I am grateful for the patience I’ve exercised thus far on this current leg of my journey; because the questions aren’t going away, I might as well try to love and live them. So I encourage each of us to sit with the questions–not mine necessarily, but those of your choosing, those that resonate with where you are in your life right now.
In seeking to begin to answer for myself “What am I afraid of?” I was reminded of the famous quote by Marianne Williamson from her book, “A Return To Love: Reflections on the Principles of A Course in Miracles.” I thought about it yesterday when I was thinking about fear and again this morning as I talked with my distraught friend. I offer it here for your consideration.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.May we all be happy and peaceful. May we be safe and protected from harm. May we be healthy and strong in our bodies. May we live our lives with joy, ease, and wellbeing. May we accept and love ourselves exactly as we are. So be it!
© M. T. Chamblee, 2012
