I am so grateful to have such a wonderful array of people in my life, and for the technology that has often facilitated my connecting or reconnecting to them. Today via Facebook I chatted with a work colleague from back in Michigan. Though I haven’t seen her since I left in 2005 and have not spoken to her via phone or email or other technology for a couple of years, today I saw her on Facebook and was able to chat with her. We caught up quickly and fell back into the easygoing, warm relationship we had when we worked together. I’ve been blessed by the fact that many of the people I worked most closely became friends with whom I am still connected even though we may be separated by years and miles. What I appreciate about mini-reunions like today’s Facebook chat is that we seem to be able to pick right up where we left off. I feel fortunate to have established relationships that have stood the test of time.
I am particularly grateful for the solid, strong relationship I enjoy with my ex-husband. We have been divorced for many years and much water has gone over the bridge as they say. After all these years I count him among my closest friends. To be able to do this, to have a friendship with an ex-partner, certain things need to be in place. For one thing, he and I were good friends before we married–we talked about a lot of deep, important issues–and we had and continue to have respect for each other, who we are and how we move in the world. You also need to be able to hold onto all of your highest and good qualities in order to be able to weather the storm of divorce, because separation and ending a marriage is for many of us a painful and life-altering process. If you are basically a good, loving, honest person of high integrity and strong character such as I am and was at the time (!) you can go emerge from process with a lot less bitterness, anger and grief on the other side. My motivation for remaining as amicable as I could during that time was my belief that it was in the best interest of our two children that I remain as cordial, cooperative, and collaborative a co-parent as possible. That motivation carried me through the storm of grief and loss and held me firm until I could heal and begin to forge a new relationship with the person to whom I had been married for 12 years.
The relationship that he and I forged has remained strong, and as our children continue to grow into adulthood, we are able to enjoy friendship that extends beyond our role as parents. During my training as a life coach a few years ago, I actually coached my ex-husband. At the time I remember telling a few of my coaching colleagues, “If I can coach my ex-husband I can coach anyone!” The implication was that somehow coaching an ex-spouse would be outrageous and difficult, but it proved to be neither. We already had a natural, easygoing connection and had created a different strain of trust by then that allowed us to really connect and help him work through some issues he was thinking through. It also healed another layer of sadness I hadn’t realized I still carried. There’s a poem that says “People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.” If it’s possible for someone to be all three, then Marcus is one of those individuals who came into my life for a reason, our relationship spanned a particular season before it morphed into something that is likely to last a lifetime. I for one am extremely grateful for that. May he be happy and peaceful. May he be healthy and strong. May he be safe and protected. May he live with joy, ease, and wellbeing. So may we all!
© M. T. Chamblee, 2012
