One of the threads woven throughout this blog over the past 200 days has been perseverance. I find that tonight I am once again grateful for the inner strength that allows me to push through difficulties and sometimes my own resistance to accomplish something. The dictionary defines perseverance as, “steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.” I particularly appreciate the use of the term “steadfastness” in the definition, steadfast referring to a quality of unwavering resoluteness. Perseverance is a muscle I developed early in my life, but have strengthened a great deal during the difficulties of the past several months. It is not solely about overcoming major obstacles. Sometimes the greatest hindrance to my progress is my own resistance, emotional apathy, and lack of faith. I am grateful to my parents, ancestors, and current living relatives and elders who demonstrated for me what it means to persevere, to persist when things get hard.
As I think more about it, I also believe that the balance to persistence and perseverance is letting go. It seems to me that I have to be savvy enough to know when I need to push through, climb over, or stand fast against the opposition that stands between me and what I want to achieve, and when to give up. I am still learning this. Giving up has not really been part of my life experience. This doesn’t mean I’ve never given up on something; it’s more like when I have given up I still manage to feel guilty about it, like I’ve failed somehow. Sometimes life difficulties arise because we needed to make some changes in our lives and we aren’t getting that message. We are comfortable and we don’t want things to change and rock the boat. What we don’t realize is that we’re stuck and we’re still grasping onto something we perhaps should have let go of a long time ago. In 2011 I suffered a lot of different losses in my life. In many ways, I feel like the rug was pulled out from under my life and everything felt like it was crashing down around me. What I now know that I couldn’t recognize then was that I was in a number of unhealthy situations–at work, at home, etc.–that I never would have let go of. I might have been miserable, but I clung stubbornly to what I hoped it would be, to what I needed it to be. In truth, I needed to let go. Sometimes fate will do for us what we are unable to do for ourselves; and while I don’t recommend that one takes on changing one’s entire life at once (perhaps one or two major changes a year…) it’s important that we pay attention and recognize what we need to let go of and we let it go.
So it’s all about balance. Where in my life do I need to persist through the difficulties and stand firm because what I’m working toward is worth weathering the storm? Where are those places where I’m holding onto something that not only no longer serves me, but is actually doing me harm the longer I hold onto it? What do I need to let go of? And how do I know when to do what–when do I push on and when do I let go? This reminds me of the well-known serenity prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” As odd as it may sound, I am grateful for the opportunities I’ve had to practice persevering and letting go. Though they may have been fraught with difficulty and no small amount of pain, they often also hold unexpected gifts. The serenity prayer, written by theologian Reinhold Neibuhr, goes on to say: “Enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as a pathway to peace.” These are things I am working on building on a framework of gratitude, generosity and other attributes. May I indeed grow in serenity, wisdom, and courage. May we all. So be it!
© M. T. Chamblee, 2012
