Today was such a beautiful day, much more springlike than one might expect in January. I was grateful for the bright sunshine and crisp blue skies that graced the day. Other than the wonderful weather, today was a relatively unremarkable day. I began and ended the busiest part of my day with bookend coaching sessions, both of which went well over an hour. In between I went grocery shopping, took Jared to work and did a short mile around part of the Park, walked a bit with my friend Mary around her neighborhood and hung out at her house for a little while. As soon as I got home I was on the phone, two hours later having dinner and then sitting down to write this blog. This day has gone as the week has and as the year thus far has: incredibly fast. I am amazed I am not more exhausted. In the wee hours this morning I was awakened by my son and we had an important if very late conversation. It was unusual for him to wake me and though he said he wanted to give me a hug, I felt like he wanted/needed to talk. So from about 2:00 until nearly 4:00 a.m. we talked about important life issues he is facing right now. Although I had a hard time waking up this morning for my 9:00 a.m. coaching call, I was glad to have invested the time listening to my son and offering what thoughts I could about his situation.
I am so grateful to have this time with my son. We began living together out of economic necessity, but I am glad to be sharing space with him at this time in his life. We have our differences, he and I–we are temperamentally quite distinct from one another and frequently don’t see eye-t0 eye on any number of things. But I continue to be proud of who he is as a human being and honor the journey he is on. I watch him struggle from time to time, sometimes covering my eyes with my hands peeking through my fingers as he navigates through the whitewater in his life. It is often painful to observe, because as a mother I want to make things easier and better for him. But he’s the type of person who learns from his experiences, and I can’t protect him from the mistakes that are necessary for his growth and learning. Sometimes I see the young man and sometimes I see the little boy, and I guess that’s part of what it means to be mother to kids this age. They are both children and young adults to me, but I have to let them go and grow up. I am learning, slowly but surely, but it hasn’t been easy.
The experience of being a mom is transformational. In my youth I didn’t think much about being a mother; I think I looked at the prospect with a vague sense of unease. I wasn’t sure I was cut out for the role, and that I had the requisite skills, patience, etc. that I would need to do the job. I imagine there was a time or two when years later my kids might have wondered the same things. But as I’ve watched them grow and persevere through their own life challenges, I will allow myself a small measure of pride at how they’ve each turned out, some parts because of and perhaps some parts in spite of me and my mothering skills. All in all, I think we’ve all done pretty well. I am grateful to be able to call these wonderful, talented, unique fabulous beings my children. May they be filled with joy and peace, may they be healthy and strong, may they be safe and protected from harm, may they live with ease and well being. May they become who they were meant to become and learn to love and accept themselves for who they are. Let it be so!
