Lessons in Gratitude Day 220

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. I’ve done a bit of both over the past few days. I have celebrated along with my daughter as she learned she has been accepted into all five of the graduate programs she applied for a few months ago. She has worked hard through her four years of college–she’s consistently been on the dean’s list for good grades, has been an active student leader on campus, and has involved herself in national organizations and other professional development activities. I am proud of how well she’s done, particularly considering the struggles she had during high school. I am grateful that she got much of her rebellion and bad behavior (such as it was) out of her system while she was still in high school. By the time she got to college (which she sort of barely got into) she seemed ready to focus her attention and take care of business. She also developed a very clear sense of what she wants to do with the next phase of her life. She discovered she really enjoys working with students on a college campus and has, since her sophomore year, availed herself of a variety of opportunities to do so. She is planning to do a Masters degree in Student Affairs/Higher Education beginning this fall. It’s been a lot of fun watching her go through this process and seeing her develop confidence in her abilities and the poise of young adulthood. It has been quite gratifying watching her moving forward. May she continue to grow in wisdom and compassion and live with joy, ease and wellbeing. Rejoice with those who rejoice.

I also spent some time commiserating with a friend whose daughter (roughly the same age as Michal) continues to spin out of control. I listened as she described her daughter’s latest misadventures and various transgressions. I felt helpless to do anything but listen, occasionally offer a suggestion, and mostly try to be a supportive presence to my friend. As I listened to her, I heard some of the same issues emerge with her daughter as I had with mine. The difference is that my daughter worked through and outgrew her challenges, my friend’s daughter has not. It is taking a toll on my friend that I wish I could somehow help to alleviate. My friend feels guilty, somehow responsible for the mess her now grown “child” has gotten herself into. I exhorted her to let go of the guilt (as best she can) and know that while she might have had some influence on how her daughter turned out, the daughter must also take some responsibility for the poor choices she’s made over the last few years. I am coming to understand for myself that as our children grow and begin to take over more and more responsibility for their own lives, the less I can or should take responsibility–blame or credit–for how things turn out. As I think about my friend’s daughter I can see both the influence of my friend, that of her ex-husband (her daughter’s father), as well as the impact of the daughter’s own bad decisions on how things are unraveling in her life at the moment. I will keep them both in my prayers. I remember the sweet child her daughter once was and know that she’s still present on the inside of the troubled young adult. May she be free of suffering and the root of sufferings. Weep with those who weep.

I am grateful to be writing this evening. I do not take for granted the liberty I have to spend time doing something I love. I have my share of struggles ahead as I continue working on how to make ends meet and acquire employment or income-producing initiatives that meets my needs and feeds (or at least doesn’t drain) my soul. In spite of the challenges, I will continue to navigate these days as best I can with a grateful heart. May I live with joy, ease, and wellbeing. So may we all!