Lessons in Gratitude Day 561

Posted on January 25, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight I am both surprised and grateful that it is Friday and the weekend is here. I continue to be amazed that work weeks shortened by a Monday holiday, as was true this week somehow manage to feel just as long as a regular five-day work week. I am no less tired today than I would have been had I worked instead of had Monday off. Nevertheless, I find myself grateful to be at the end of another week.

I was talking with a friend the other day about winning the lottery and what we each would do if we were to win a big payoff. “I would quit my job immediately,” she responded without hesitation, “In fact I wouldn’t even go back in there, I’d pay someone to pack up the artwork and my personal possessions and have them shipped to me.” Today I was thinking about that and decided that I wouldn’t quit my current job right away. There have definitely been other jobs where, like my friend, I would have quit in a heartbeat without a second look back. Not so much with my current job, however, which surprises me a little. I just started my position  little over three months ago and have begun to get into a rhythm there. I have a vision for where I think we can go and would like to be able to see how far we can take it in the months ahead. And although there are definitely issues that have already been frustrating, I like the people I work with and the work I’m doing enough that, should I win the lottery, I would want to stay there for at least a while to launch some of the ideas I have that right now exist only in my head or scribbled out in a mind map or chart on a piece of scratch paper. I feel a sense of responsibility to the people I work with to continue what we’ve only just started.

I am grateful to be working; there was a time not too long ago when I felt like I wasn’t going to find a position  at all and certainly not one that was a good fit for me. I am still amazed at how circumstances unfolded to bring me where I am right now and I look forward to seeing where this is going to take me.  While I must admit that winning the lottery would be great (it would be nice to not have to work for a living) I think for a time I would stick with what I’m doing, at least for a while. I am grateful for the people I work with and the good work we’re trying to do in the world. Wherever I go and whatever I end up doing with my life I want it to make a difference in and have an impact on the world, making it a more loving, compassionate, all-embracing place where everyone has an opportunity to be their best selves and do what they are put on the planet to do. I can’t imagine it getting too much better than that.

So for now I have not won the lottery and have to, like most folks I know, work to live. And on a long, short week like this week just past, it’ll be good to take the break and rest until beginning it all ove again on Monday. I am grateful to be working and am grateful for the break this weekend (though I have to get some work done before Monday.) I reckon it will all balance out in the end.

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Lessons in Gratitude day 560

Posted on January 24, 2013 by mtchamblee

Today I walked in the snow and cold with the dog. At first she found it interesting and strange and could barely concentrate on why we were walking around the yard; though we do it every day, the strangeness of the cold white stuff distracted her from taking care of the business at hand. And when I took her back out in the snow this evening, again to do business, her paws got so cold she began limping and practically lay down in the snow so that I had to pick her up and carry her into the house. Tomorrow I will have to go and buy her some boots and maybe one of those little jackets, though I used to say that no dog of mine was gonna run around in sweaters and such. Today as I lifted my little friend to relieve her from walking in the freezing cold snow, I realized that I need to protect my little California pooch from this unholy weather.

In all the years I had a canine companion I hadn’t bought clothing for them until one really cold winter in Michigan when I bought my big mutt Shiloh some boots that he hated and walked out of after he’d only gone a few steps. I tried them on Honor this evening (yes, I still have them), but her feet are so much smaller than his were and so she walked out of them even more easily than he had. So tomorrow I’ll head off to the pet store and see what I can procure for my pup. I myself haven’t had new boots or shoes in a number of years now, but she shall have her first very own pair of winter boots and perhaps a jacket or covering of sorts. We don’t spend tons of time outside, but I want to be sure she’s equipped for it.

What does this have to do with gratitude? For one thing I am grateful for the lives of my four-legged companions–first Shiloh and now Honor–who have been part of my life for a total of nearly 17 years (Shiloh for 11 and Honor for 6). At various times in that period, each of them has felt like a burden–another mouth to feed, another being whose life I was responsible for. But at other times they have been my lone companions–Shiloh often helping to ease my loneliness when my kids were off visiting their father after we’d divorced. He had the most uncanny way of knowing when I was sad and could sense me crying in a completely different part of the house, coming to find me and resting his big head on my lap as I wept.

These days, when I am at home, Honor is my roommate, my sole companion. I still order my day around her: I take her out to do her business, throw the ball with her for a few minutes, feed her when we get back inside, and then say goodbye to her as I head out the door for work. It always makes me a little sad to be leaving her. She spends between 10 and 12 hours a day by herself. People have pointed out to me that dogs mostly sleep all day anyway; and it’s true that even when I am home she mostly sleeps. But when I am home she sleeps in whatever room I am in, often following me from one room to the next settling herself to rest even if I am only there for a few minutes. And often, she will come and simply sit by me–her on the floor and me on the sofa–seemingly content simply to be there.

I find myself looking forward to spring, though it is just now early winter, so we can explore more of the area and enjoy some fine weather together as we did so often during our walks in Chavez Park near the San Francisco Bay. I don’t know if she misses the water; I know I sure do. In the meantime, I’d better be thinking about equipping her for winter lest I end up carrying her on our walks. My hope is that she will eventually come to enjoy the snow; my old pup Shiloh was delighted at the return of winter snows each year. Hopefully as Honor becomes acclimated to it, she’ll do the same.

Honor's First Snow, December 2012

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 559

Posted on January 23, 2013 by mtchamblee

Rome wasn’t built in a day. Or so the saying goes. So what makes me think I can build it in a day or two or twenty? Those of us born under the curse of overachievement, or who at least act as though we were, labor under the arrogant misconception that we have to build Rome in a day, know how to solve the world’s problems in timely and efficient ways, while all the time wondering how anyone ever got along without us. We think we must be good at everything, that whatever we set our hands to do must be done well and that, for the most part, we cannot ask for help lest that somehow make us look (or more likely feel) unconfident, incapable, like we might not have it as fully together as we’d like to appear. What a trap!

The clock starts ticking the moment we get hired or promoted, elected, appointed, nominated, etc. We feel we must make an immediate impact, begin pulling our weight, proving our abilities and our worthiness to be entrusted with the work we’ve been tasked to do. We champ at the bit to get things done and are impatient when it doesn’t seem we’re making the progress we want to be making in a timely enough way. Presidents talk about what they’ve accomplished toward their agenda in the first 100 days. 100 days? That’s essentially three months. What of any significance can be fully accomplished in three months? Started, perhaps, but not accomplished.  And yet, depending on the role and the responsibilities we have we believe we should accomplish a great deal in a short period of time.

We carefully craft emails, rehearse conversations in our heads before they happen, then replay and deconstruct our words and actions afterward. The drive toward accomplishment can be a good thing propelling us to devise creative solutions, invent new products, propose sweeping new ideas, develop alternative activities. Oh yes, it can be a very good thing. But as with everything else we have to balance the drive toward achievement with some of the practicalities, hidden traps and pitfalls, obvious barriers and obstacles, that often affect the timeliness with which we are actually able to accomplish some of the often unrealistic goals we set for ourselves.

I am grateful this evening for my growing awareness of this trap in which I so often ensnare myself. In the often hurried pace of the American workforce, the fire, aim, ready in which we are so often forced to operate it is easy to forget that those things that are worth doing are worth doing well, even if that occasionally means it’s going to take a little longer. It’s a definite balancing act and sometimes I manage it better than others, but at least I’m paying better attention now. I am grateful that I have the freedom to think  and be as well as act and do. I still have a lot to learn in terms of knowing how to walk that careful line, but I am moving along as best I can and figuring it out as I go. And in the end, that is perhaps the best we can do, our best not necessarily the best.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 558

Posted on January 22, 2013 by mtchamblee

In the last 36 hours I have spent time either in person, via phone, or on Skype (video chat) with all five of my siblings and one of my two children. I’m planning on going for a sweep and will call my son in a little while and see if I can catch him. I am deeply grateful to be connected to such wonderful human beings; it simply doesn’t get any better than this. As I think about it, I am probably a classic middle child: peacemaker, bridge-builder, connector. I have little doubt that who I am and how I show up in the world is deeply affected by my love for and connection to my family and perhaps is also affected a bit by my birth order. I have not done an exhaustive study of this, so I could be completely wrong, but I don’t think so.

I’m not going to write much tonight; I got interrupted several times in the course of attempting to write this blog and so am beginning it well past the hour when I had hoped to be turning up the electric throw blanket and turning off the light. Sigh. Nevertheless I want to offer a few thoughts of simple gratitude:

  • I am grateful for the warmth of my clothes and the heat that keeps my home relatively warm. Today the coldest air I’ve experienced in many years swept in from the north. I have found myself praying off and on all day for all the people who are without benefit of shelter tonight; it is cold enough to be deadly. I pray people are able to find shelter or sources of heat as these single-digit or subzero temperatures blanket much of the country. May they be safe and protected.
  • I am grateful to be working with good people. This afternoon I met with the team of people with whom I interact and work on a daily basis. The work that we do is challenging and critically important in helping to create spaces where all people are welcomed, included, and invited to bring their whole selves, rather than feeling forced to leave pieces of themselves behind because they are judged to be different and therefore somehow “less than” others. That’s a long-winded way of saying, “It’s not only okay to be ‘different’ but difference is welcomed and celebrated.” So, as my father used to quip, “Be who you is.” To work with one good person here or there is a blessing; to work with an entire group of good people is immeasurably wonderful.
  • I am grateful for the technology that allows me to be in easy contact with family and friends. Skyping with my brother and with good friends on a regular basis allows me to see them, getting full benefit of their facial expressions, body language, etc. that takes us beyond the mere voice at the other end of the telephone. And while I wasn’t able to connect with my son this afternoon via phone, we still managed an exchange of text messages which, while far from perfect, was a simple and quick way to connect, ask a quick question and say I love you all while he walked to work. It’s been great to stay in contact with people across the country and around the world, the technology removing barriers of distance.

My brother, who reads my blog faithfully every day teased me this evening that sometimes my punctuation in this blog gets a bit “jacked up” and he can tell those days when I was really tired based on the quality of the punctuation and grammar. I’ve no doubt that he (and other readers) can tell. This makes me all the more grateful that you continue to read in spite of the occasional bad writing day. Thank you for taking the time to read and for those of you who take the time and effort to comment (I guess commenting is not so easy on this site. I’ll see what I can find out about that). Your feedback helps me a great deal. It’s very gratifying to hear from people who are finding value in what they’re reading. Please keep it up!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 557

Posted on January 21, 2013 by mtchamblee

Over the past few days I’ve heard a brief murmur from a few people I’ve spoken to that resonates with something I’ve been feeling myself a bit lately. There’s a sense of unsettledness, of disquiet about what they’re doing in their lives. It’s not that what they’re doing is bad, it simply doesn’t feel quite right, like it’s not quite what they’re supposed to be doing. For one person it feels like being out of sync with who he is at his core, that while he’s doing good and important work he’s being drawn to something completely different. For another I spoke with it is a feeling that what she’s doing is perhaps not making a difference, that she’s not having the impact on the world that she wants to, that she feels called to have.

On the one hand I resonate with both of those feelings: of doing good work but not the “right” work and of not making a difference out in the world. On the other, I am a believer of blooming where you’re planted, and that sometimes one might not make a difference in the world, but often one makes a difference in a world: for one person or a small group of people. And who knows but that the ripple effects of the changes wrought in that small world widens out into the world at large. Then there are those who simply feel stuck doing what they’re doing: financial challenges and life choices inhibit their flexibility in work and their ability to explore different possibilities.

A handful of people does not a theme make. Not yet anyway. But I find myself wondering if people are feeling a sense of being unsettled in what they’re doing; not unhappy, just a sense of not quite rightness. I do know what it looks like when someone is doing exactly what they’re supposed to be doing where they’re supposed to be doing it. They have such a sense of calm rightness, an excitement, an assurance, a sense of flow that surrounds them and permeates their work. What would it be like if everyone sought and found their life’s work, their life purpose. What if they realized what they were born to do and set about the process of doing it. Educator John Dewey said, “To find what one is fitted to do and to secure the opportunity to do it is the key to happiness.”  I think Dewey had the right idea and I’ve spent a big chunk of my life talking with people helping them sort out what they are “fitted to do,” that is, what is it they feel drawn or called to do, where does their aptitude, gifts, and talents match up to the work or career that is available to them? And how cool is it when all these things align and the person ends up working in the very field to which they were drawn in the first place. It’s rare, but achievable. What would the world be like if we were all in the right place, the place just right for us?

I am grateful to be, like so many other people, on a journey to discovering what I am ultimately meant to be doing, to understanding what my calling is, what I am fitted to do. While I’m on this journey, I am giving my time, talents, and energy to bloom where I’m planted, to do my very best work in the roles and responsibilities to which I am attached in this moment. All the while we keep our hearts and minds open to the possibilities that present themselves. Perhaps part of the great shift that we’re in the midst of includes people moving inexorably toward the alignment of their life purpose with their interest and abilities. Theologian Frederick Buechner says, “The place God calls you to is where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” I can’t think of anyplace more perfect than that. May we each find ourselves in the place of seeking and finding the purpose for which we are uniquely suited and get about the business of doing it. May it be so for us all!

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Lesson in Gratitude Day 556

Posted on January 20, 2013 by mtchamblee

I think the greatest blessing one is fortunate enough to have in their life it is a loving family. Whether biological, adoptive, or chosen, there is nothing better being encircled by a group of people who love you, accept you, support and provide for you, and you do the same for them–each there for the other throughout your entire lives if you are lucky. That is how I have always felt about my family–my parents, now departed, my five siblings, and my children remain the most important people in my life. Tonight I was reminded yet again why I am so blessed to be living near my three sisters.

I was having an emotionally difficult day–nothing in particular precipitated it, I was just feeling sad and at a loss to know what to do with myself. But, as I’d trained myself to do during many difficult days during which I was battling depression, I got myself up and moving around. Though I had moments when I was distressed to the point of tears, I kept moving: sweeping the floors in my bedroom and living room, folding laundry and doing other things to keep myself occupied. All the while I was praying, asking for help to simply feel better, and as often happens when I offer up such a prayer, the phone rings. And, it did. It was my sister Ruth calling to see if I wanted to go with her and her family to see a movie. It was not one that I  particularly wanted to see, so after a few moments thought I told her I wasn’t up for going.

Something I said or in my tone let her know I wasn’t doing too well (perhaps it was when I’d told her I’d been “balling?”) but after some conversation she informed me that she was coming over this evening after she got back from the movies and that we were going to cook several dinners to put up for me for the next couple of weeks. It would involve me going to the grocery store (of which I am not a big fan) and purchasing the necessary ingredients, but after some cajoling and needling on her part (“Come on, Ter, it’ll be fun.”) I agreed to go. I hung up the phone smiling and shaking my head. Even though I had to go to the store, I was already feeling much better than I had a short while earlier. And when I got home from the store in the mid afternoon, the weather was so fair (it was in the 60s) that I took Honor for a walk down to the little park at the end of the street.

It was a few hours before I heard from Ruth again. At around 7 p.m. she called to inform me that she was on her way to my house.

“No!” I protested, “It’s too late. You need to go home and feed your own family. I already had my dinner.”
“It’s too late. I’m already on my way.”
“I don’t have time for us to cook now, I have to write my blog.”
“You can write your blog while I cook.”
“No, don’t come over here.”
“I’ll see you in a few minutes,” She replied stubbornly and I knew I had lost the argument.

She showed up a few minutes later, with her family in tow (they had come straight from the movie theater) and after taking her husband on a quick tour of the house, she shooed them on their way home and commenced to rolling up her sleeves and washing her hands. In a quick 45 minutes or so she had cooked two substantial dishes which yielded at least six separate days worth of meals. She showed me several of her favorite cooking short cuts (who knew I was cutting my green peppers and onions inefficiently?) and offered all kinds of practical advice I hadn’t ever thought of before. But better than all the meals that are now neatly packaged in my freezer is the time we spent talking and laughing as she cooked (I was the sous chef) and later watching the football game. It was simply lovely, and I find myself deeply grateful for her stubborn insistence and kind assistance in making what is sometimes overwhelming (figuring out how to feed myself over the course of the week) so easy and drama-free.

I am blessed indeed to be so loved and cared for. I realize that part of what had been troubling me earlier was simply feeling isolated and lonely. On most days I can manage it well enough, but this morning it had been particularly hard. My sister heard that in my voice and responded. Each of my three sisters have in their own ways have helped me feel comfortable, welcomed, embraced since I arrived here four short months ago. I am grateful beyond measure to and for each of them and their presence in my life. My hope is that I can begin to give back in as good a measure as I have received. May it be so!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 555

Posted on January 19, 2013 by mtchamblee

Sooner or later I knew that someone would finally discover the bird feeder I’d hung outside my living room window. I might have known it would be a squirrel. I’d always had feeders hung back in my house in Michigan. In California, once I’d moved out of the house I’d shared with my partner and into the condo during the last tough year and a half out West I hadn’t had a place to hang my feeders. It was a small reclaiming when I pulled them out of the box where they’d been stuck for 7 years and rehung one of the three. As yet the birds have not discovered it–it’s been hanging for about a month now, but with the weather so fair there seems to be no shortage of food for them out in nature. The other day as I was walking to my building at work I saw an entire tree full of robins. “Wait,” I asked them, “don’t you all fly south for the winter?” Needless to say they didn’t reply, but their presence provided the more obvious answer: I guess not.

So this morning as I walked to the kitchen I glanced toward the window where the feeder hangs and yes, it was moving! I was so excited until I realized that it was being jostled by a squirrel hanging down from the gutter batting at the top and sides of the feeder. After watching for a moment as the squirrel pushed this way and that at the feeder trying unsuccessfully to get at  or into it, I stepped quickly away to go get my camera. When I’d returned, it was gone, apparently having given up. I was disappointed at not having gotten the shot. I’ve found the squirrels in my yard highly entertaining. Back in Michigan the squirrels were downright acrobatic in their attempts to get at the bird feeders. Most of the time they were unsuccessful, but it was vastly amusing watching their attempts. Eventually I bought them a squirrel “bungee” a springing contraption to which you attach an ear of dried corn on the end. Watching the squirrels dangling off the end of that gizmo was as diverting as watching them go for the feeder. Watching my Maryland squirrel attempting to tackle my current feeder promises potential entertainment. I doubt I’ve seen the last of him.

Anyone who read my blog back when I was in California knows that I am perhaps easily diverted by the antics of local wildlife. My particular favorites were the wild turkeys who frequented the parking lot behind our condo complex. I must confess that I miss the turkeys who provided many moments of delighted entertainment, not to mention feathers, of which I have an impressive collection.  I have yet to discover much in the way of wildlife in my little yard, though I did discover a trio of squirrels living inside a tree in my front yard. It was unexpected. My sister Ruth had pointed out to me the hole in the tree wondered aloud if anything lived in there. A few days after I’d moved in the inhabitant made an appearance. About a month later I discovered there were actually three inhabitants of the tree–two “red” and one black squirrel. Considering that what I had read about squirrels described them as “solitary animals” this was quite startling and delightful. I have no idea if they are related, but they sure  looked cozy all tucked together in the hole in the tree.

My three little friends

One could ask what any of this has to do with gratitude and I would simply say this: I find delight in sometimes silly things–the antics of a critter trying to get into my bird feeder or the turkeys standing on the roof of my condo. I am grateful that I can laugh and smile at those things. Laughter is good for the soul and I intend to indulge in as many good belly laughs as I can get throughout 2013. Oh yes, I am grateful for many deep and wonderful blessings that surround me every day. And, I am grateful for the tiniest of delights that come my way. Tiny or grand, they’re all wonderful.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 554

Posted on January 18, 2013 by mtchamblee

I am grateful to be relaxing, smiling and laughing at the end of a long day and busy week. It is remarkable to me, really. My commute home was a bit of a nightmare. It took me two hours and 17 minutes (and 25 seconds, but who’s counting?) At one point I was so frustrated with the pace of the traffic (it took me about an hour to go about five miles) that I started shouting obscenities at the top of my lungs. It was only for about 30 seconds, then in a moment of common sense I called my sister about an hour into the drive to talk me down. Then I put on my audiobook and calmly listened to the tale the rest of the drive home.

When I got home, my friend was waiting for me, ecstatic as always to see me. I smiled as she enthusiastically greeted me, then we took our usual turn around the yard. It didn’t appear to matter to her that I had arrived some 90 minutes later than usual. She hadn’t–as best I can tell–watched the clock anxiously awaiting my arrival knowing that I was late. She wasn’t fidgeting to go out or impatient or angry at me for my tardiness (“you didn’t even call and let me know you’d be late…”) She was body-waggingly happy to see me. Most days, no matter how late I’m running in the morning or how tired I might be when I get home at night, I take time to acknowledge and frolic with her, tossing the ball for her to go get it and bring it back (yes, my “friend” is my dog, Honor, for those who haven’t read about her in earlier blogs).

When one is in traffic for over two hours and arrives home at 8 p.m., the evening has already gotten away from you before you can even settle into it. Thus, I am writing my blog very late this evening (11:30 p.m. Eastern.) For this reason I am not going to write much tonight. I am decided that I will not set my alarm tomorrow morning to my weekend wakeup time (8 a.m.) and will sleep until I awaken. The way I’m feeling that’s likely to be around 10 or later. I am nearly asleep at the keyboard now and I still have to spend a few minutes making music to keep my streak intact.

I am grateful for simple things again this evening–for the greeting when I got home to the beauty of the constellations shining bright in the night sky to the thoughtfulness of my sister who brought me an unexpected pursize on her way home from dinner with her family. (A “pursize” is what we used to call a surprise when I was a kid…). I am grateful for the warmth of my house on this cold January night and I pray for those who have no home and find themselves sleeping in their cars or out on the street. I am grateful for laughter, even by myself watching a funny YouTube video that gave me several much needed chuckles. All these things are small, simple blessings that add up to make my life rich and meaningful. And I am grateful for them all.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 553

Posted on January 17, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight I am grateful for small shifts, micro-changes in what I’m doing or ways of being that over time add up to become much more significant. Writing this blog was a small shift: a sudden decision to start something that, while I had an inkling would be important, had no idea of the profound impact it would have on my life. I started writing this blog as one of a number of seemingly small but intentional steps I took to keep myself from being overwhelmed by depression and despair when a series of painful challenges seemed to hit me all at once. I can trace the changes I made at that time and the impacts they have on my life today.

Two years ago when I lost my job, and with it my health insurance, I had to go cold turkey off of the antidepressant medications I’d taken for many years. I remember worrying that with the onset of sudden unemployment and subsequent financial challenges, coupled with no longer being able to afford the medication (without insurance one of the two medications I was taking cost about $6 per pill), I would fall into a truly serious depression. I had no choice but to do my best to battle the blues without medication. It meant making a lot of changes–many of them relatively simple–in the way I lived my life.

I started taking vitamins and herbal supplements and walking three or four days a week, in part because I was aware that movement helps release chemicals in the brain that help with mood, and also because I knew that I needed to get out of the condo on a regular basis or I would get depressed. I started volunteering at the local food pantry, distributing groceries to individuals and families who, like me, were suffering from financial challenges. And I started writing, first the daily gratitude blog in the evenings and then a few months later a morning journal. These and other small changes over time allowed me to stabilize and more than hold my own against the depression that I had feared would overtake me. Not only did I not feel bad, I had moments when I actually felt good. It seemed odd that during that time when I was under incredible financial pressure and stress I had moments of true lightness and calm. My therapist at the time noted it, telling me I was doing much better than I had been when I’d been taking medication. And after a while, I started to believe her.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get the blues on a semi-regular basis. The difference now is that I  have proven, natural tools to bring my mood back into balance and the knowledge that the blues–depression, sadness, grief, etc.–don’t last forever, they pass. And no matter how long the “dark night of the soul” lasts, it does pass. The morning comes and with it a fresh set of mercies. I am continuing to make micro changes in my life on a regular basis. The past couple of weeks I set my alarm and have awakened about 20 to 30 minutes early. My body is still adjusting to this and I’m sure I’ll be quite tired and ready for the weekend when I can sleep a little longer, but having that extra half hour in the morning has allowed me more writing time, a few extra minutes for meditation, and I even ate breakfast sitting down one morning.

I’m grateful for the small changes that have had big impacts. Changes in habits, changes in attitude, changes in direction. It’s all been good and it’s leading me toward my next “what’s next.” All in good time. In the meanwhile I am grateful for each small step along the way.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 552

Posted on January 16, 2013 by mtchamblee

I am grateful at many levels for the bountiful blessings in my life. Sometimes I don’t see them as clearly as at others, but no matter how bad I might feel in a given moment on a particular day, I am still aware in the back of my mind that I am rich beyond measure. I simply forget or lose sight of this fact. Looking at my life at face value, without having any particular context, someone could think I was struggling. Another person looking at the very same data but from a different perspective could think they’d consider themselves lucky to have the struggles I do. So I suppose that in the end it really is a matter of perspective. And at this moment, the only person’s perspective that matters is mine, and I say that I’m rich.

Periodically I still look at my physical life circumstances and shake my head wondering “how’m I gonna” do the various things I need to do, to take care of the obligations I need to meet, given the means with which I am operating. But in spite of temporary budget shortfalls and the headaches that come with them, no matter how I calculate the pluses and minuses of my spiritual balance sheet, I still come out way ahead. And that is a good thing, even if it sometimes makes me feel like I’ve climbed back on board a mechanical bull of emotions, bouncing and swinging this way and that, up and down, crying and angst-ridden one minute and brimming with gratitude and calm the next. Go figure. So in spite of being tired at the close of this day, I also feel pretty good.

So tonight is one for simple gratitude, and there are many small and not-so-small things for which I am particularly grateful this evening. Here are a few, in no particular order:

  • I am grateful as always for the love of family and friends. This evening I spoke to my daughter on the phone, chatting about a variety of relatively minor things. It is one of the great blessings in my life to have children whom I dearly love, siblings and their families whose company I enjoy and whom wish I had more time to spend with, and friends whom I deeply appreciate for their presence in my life. And as ever I am grateful for my four-legged companion from whom I learn so much.
  • I am grateful for the abundance in my life. I may cry and worry about financial resources, but I am so fortunate to have a safe and reliable vehicle, a warm, comfortable place to live, sufficient quantities of good and healthy food, and the basic necessities that make life easy and pleasant. I have a job and income, and I am surrounded by material possessions that I know I am fortunate to own. These are things I do not take for granted.
  • I am grateful for the learning that takes place in my life several times per day. I make efforts to understand and learn from difficult situations as well as things that are easy. The learning’s not always fun, but it almost always is good.
  • I continue to be grateful for the gift of music as it finds its way back into my daily existence. Making music is joyful and fulfilling, and listening to it in my car, at my desk at work, and around the house provides a balm when I’m ruffled.

Tonight as I prepare to take my rest I will do so in full awareness that I am surrounded by blessings. As often as I used to go to sleep and wake up anxious and worried, I relish these days when I am relaxed and wrapped in a blanket of blessing. And even if I wake up cranky and irritable tomorrow, I’ll be no less fortunate than I am today, I will simply have temporarily lost sight of it.

Given that I have fallen asleep a few times in this writing, I’d better take a few minutes to review and then post this blog. Then it’s a few minutes of singing and guitar playing before I sleep. Many thanks to those of you who commented on my blog yesterday and for those of you who faithfully read my ramblings. I’ll be back here tomorrow, God willing, and I hope you join me here. May it be so!

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