Tonight I’m going to ramble a bit. Sometimes when I sit down to write this gratitude blog, I know exactly what I want to say and I get on with it. Other times I write in fits and starts, struggling to string two sentences together into some semblance of a coherent piece. Even though I am grateful for something (many somethings) every day, sometimes that something isn’t particularly profound or interesting. Last night, for example, some friends invited me to come out for ice cream. It was a simple thing–good times, a lot of laughing (definitely a good thing) and a nice strawberry sundae. Good basic gratitude.
This morning I woke and started my day with a series of meditations. They were helpful in getting me into a good frame for the day. I managed to get a few things done, eat a decent lunch then head out to my volunteer job. I’m grateful to be able to go to the Berkeley Food Pantry on Wednesdays. It’s one of those structures that anchors my week–I remember what day of the week it is because of that weekly commitment. For three and a half hours I work with a crew of people dedicated to serving others by helping to package and distribute food to members of the local community. It’s something I look forward to doing in the middle of the week and I’m grateful to have the time to do it. Once I start back to paid work (gods willing sometime soon), I’d love to figure out a way to keep volunteering at the Food Pantry. I have no idea how that would work, but it’s worth thinking about.
It’s odd to think about time as a gift to be grateful for, and I sure would love to be bringing in income. But for the present, these months have been a time to slow down, do some emotional healing and growth, and to learn more about myself and what I want to do next. While I’m still figuring out the last part, I am trying to make use of this time to clarify what I want to be doing, what kinds of people I want to be doing it with, and what type of environment I want to be in. I’ve used this time to read articles about sorting out these very questions I’m asking myself, and to also do some academic reading in preparation for a book chapter I am trying to finish. I am listening to a fantasy novel on my iPod and also reading a book on using mindfulness to work through depression. There’s a lot more reading and studying I hope to do in the weeks to come and I’m appreciative of the time to be about to do it.
I still need to put some more structure into my use of time during the week–I need a better system for my “to do” lists and other systems of accountability so that I am using my time more wisely and efficiently. And it helps to have anchors that help me work around various days of the week and times of the day. (Like walking at Chavez park at 3 p.m. on certain days of the week.) But I think I will be careful not to structure it too much. The day will come when I am back at work–potentially a typical 8/9 to 5–and the time will be organized for me. Til then, I’ll remain grateful as best I can for the time I’m in right now. I plan to make the best of it.
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