Tonight I am grateful for the power of forgiveness. I am not entirely sure why this is on my heart tonight but it is. I know a number of people who are out of relationship with one another in part because of a refusal on one or both parties to forgive one another. Much has been written about forgiveness, and I don’t pretend to have wisdom over and above what great writers, thinkers, philosophers, and theologians have postulated about the subject. All I have are my own experiences and observations to share with you this evening, and if you are reading along then I thank you for considering these thoughts.
I’ve suffered my share of wrongs over the course of my life–some fairly significant injuries and others relatively harmless slights. I am grateful to have learned early on about the power of forgiveness, not so much in terms of what it does for the one who is forgiven but what it does for the one doing the forgiving. As I think back through my life and the various slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that I’ve suffered at the hands of other people, among the first things that I recognized is that it is quite possible, indeed perhaps quite likely that the person who “wronged” me has long since moved on and is probably not aware of or experiencing the same degree of pain and suffering that I am. I can stew all day in the juices of my righteous pain and indignation, but am while I am stewing in them, miserable and desolate, they may be whistling on down the road. It is my choice as to whether or not to remain mired in that painful, stuck place or to get myself out of it, and that has little or nothing to do with them.
I recognize that the notion of forgiving and moving on is much simpler to talk about than to actually accomplish, and it is not my intention to make light of what are often very painful situations. I have simply come to believe that my healing is in my hands, that the power of forgiveness gives back to me the ability to heal myself, to ease my own pain. If I am holding something against you it is at least as harmful to me as it is to you. The extent to which I can let it go begins the process of freeing us both from unnecessary painful entanglements. And oh yes, forgiveness is a process. There is no magical one-time touch of a wand and all is well. There are some ills for which we forgive repeatedly, sometimes over an entire lifetime. Deeper pain requires repeated, constant forgiveness. And more often than not, just when you think you’ve truly forgiven, a situation arises that renews that old hurt and you get to forgive yet again, a little more letting go, more freedom, more healing.
I am still recovering from the most recent series of unfortunate events that befell me a few years ago. I suffered a number emotional blows from largely unexpected places. I had a lot of forgiving to do, including forgiving myself for the part I played in landing where I did. That forgiving process continues to this day and I imagine it will go on for many many months to come. I still have a way to go with this forgiveness thing, but I know a good thing when I see it.
Sometimes I see people around me who are in conflict with one another, and it is painful to witness. Old slights, new issues or drama, all kinds of things emerge that seem to deepen the divides making the work of healing them seem difficult and the chances of success remote. I watch and pray, knowing there is little I can do to ease the situations. I nudge when and where I can, but recognize that as is the case with most things like this, it’s an inside job; that is, each person has to work on their own stuff and if in the end they can reconcile with one another, that is a beautiful thing.
I am grateful to be learning more about and practicing forgiveness. I spent a good deal of time today forgiving myself, not for anything major, but because it’s important that I don’t pile hurts on myself that I wouldn’t pile on another person. Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is ourselves, for while we can walk away from others who have hurt or offended us, we can’t walk away from ourselves. I sometimes carry a lot of anger toward myself for decisions I’ve made or actions I’ve taken that have resulted in a less than positive outcome. Those things too I must learn to let go, lest they eat away at me. Again, the power of forgiveness and healing are within my own hands; I have the power to release myself. I think there must be few gifts as precious as that of forgiveness. Whether one is the giver or the receiver, all are blessed. And for that, I am grateful.
