Last night I forgot to post my blog on Facebook. It’s the main way I distribute my blogs out to the world. I have a few regulars who read it every day. They would notice it wasn’t up, and a few folks actually went straight to the blog site and read it even though I had failed to post it. Alas, I believe it is a symptom of where my head is these days. I’ve been pretty scatterbrained, and while I’m generally patient with myself when I get like this, it’s also a symptom that I need to slow down and create more space in my life for down time. By down time I mean time spent reading, relaxing, listening to music, preferably on a beach or someplace relaxing and beautiful.
This is very different from collapsing with exhaustion onto the sofa and vegging in front of the television all day, too tired to move or otherwise engage the world. This tends to be how I spend at least a portion of each weekend. I am determined to find a way to create more spaciousness in my schedule so I can fully relax my mind and body. I have been in “go” mode for several months. Over the past several weeks I’ve over scheduled myself at work to the point where I barely have time to take a deep breath between meetings, appointments and events. When I do have a moment, I ponder which of the dozen things I’ve neglected earlier in the day am I going to try to shoehorn into my schedule. This is not healthy. I’m going to make some changes and soon.
Tonight I am going to share thoughts from an earlier blog (Day 240 on March 12, 2012). It’s a helpful reminder to me of why I started writing this gratitude blog.
Every day is a good day to be grateful. If one makes the effort we can find something to be grateful for–actually many somethings–over the course of a single day. Even when in the midst of one or other of my “first world problems” I can always find one thing that I appreciate, that I am thankful for and glad to have experienced, or have in my life, etc. I guess it’s a lot about where I choose to focus my attention and where I put my energy. When I first started writing this gratitude blog it was because I knew that in the midst of a number of dramatic, traumatic events I needed to find something positive to put my energy on lest I sink into an understandable but unhealthy depression. Having suffered from depression for most of my life anyway, I was concerned I’d be so undone by all that had happened I wouldn’t be able to function in the world. As it is, even with various steps I’ve taken over the past months to be positive and forward-looking, I still find myself having to work to maintain a sense of balance and equanimity in the midst of ongoing uncertainty. So I’ll repeat what I’ve said before in this blog–I am grateful for gratitude itself.
Okay, so that sounds a little weird,but it’s true. The act of being grateful, of intentionally looking for things about which I am grateful, begets more gratitude and more looking for and finding more things to be grateful for. Practicing gratitude, like practicing piano or guitar or any other endeavor, is a strengthening activity–the more you practice, the better you get at it. This has been my experience. Even when I’m tired or cranky or melting down like I was yesterday, I can right myself pretty quickly by taking a moment to find the good. I’ve by no means arrived in this regard, in fact I still have a long way to go in developing an automatic gratitude response in any situation. But for now I’m satisfied to continue practicing daily gratitude to the best of my ability.
Even when I’m exhausted, as I have been off and on over the past few weeks, I am still grateful to sit down, relax my mind for a few minutes and focus on the good things in my life, the things that make my heart sing, that give me cause to smile, that touch my heart. All around me are so many things I am grateful for. I pray that I continue to strengthen my gratitude practice and that it will continue to sustain me throughout my life. The circumstances under which I first started writing this blog were difficult ones; nonetheless, the blog itself, the process of observing and then writing about the various blessings in my life remain an important part of my life. I am grateful to you for being here along with me on this journey. May you continue to find things in your life for which you are grateful. So be it!
