Today I had an ah ha moment, or perhaps it was, as my Aunt Jeanne used to say, and “oh me” moment. I was at a meeting of a large group of people and as is often the practice in certain university settings we were asked to introduce ourselves: name, department and, as a “fun” question, where we would go on vacation if money were no object. Vacation, who said anything about vacation? was my first thought, followed immediately by how much I hate that seemingly innocuous question. I listened as forty-some people announced various locales, some exotic and international (New Zealand, Hong Kong, South Africa) and some less so (Disney World, a local beach) and was struck by how fortunate, almost privileged some of us were to even ponder even taking a vacation at all, let alone traveling someplace halfway around the world. Some people talked about “going back to Hong Kong” or “returning to Italy because I had so much fun the last time I was there.” It was one of a few reminders I had just today about the various economic realities we all live in and how the things one person may be so casual about are not even remotely in reach of another.
I heard myself telling someone a few minutes after the introductions that there’s a trick I learned about vacations and that as I thought about it, I’d already blown it: the trick is to not let yourself get so burned out and exhausted that you can’t replenish yourself with a week off. Oops. I am probably a few weeks past that particular point of no return. And although it would be optimal to have two weeks off, I am grateful for the one week I’ll be taking off next week.
I plan to spend a portion of it either sitting on the beach or if I’m too exhausted to walk the half block to the seaside, sitting by the pool at the house my sister is renting. I am grateful to my sister and brother-in-law for inviting me to join them for a week at the beach, and oh so very grateful to have the wherewithal to actually be able to drive down there. I’ll be hauling Honor and my younger sister and her two kids. I can hardly wait. I hope I can remain focused on the pile of meetings I have this week and the event that I have to participate in on Saturday afternoon before we head out of town Saturday evening. I have to acknowledge, with some chagrin, that I really have let the batteries run down a little low this time around. Yesterday I wrote about the notion of allowing my “pitcher” to be “just about empty,”and I admit that my energy reserves have perhaps drained a little too much. So the trip to the beach is coming at exactly the right time.
I am coming to understand that to take care of oneself is not being selfish, it’s simply being smart. In order for me to be at my best at for my family, my employer, and for all the people I interact with, I have to take care of myself. I look forward to the opportunity to have a little quiet in which I can relax, read, sleep, and work on my tan. It’s been a really long time since I’ve done something like that, and I am deeply grateful to have the opportunity and the means to be able to do it now. Perhaps too the time away will renew my energy and focus for this gratitude blog. I am hopeful that it will be that brief gust of wind in my sails that will propel me along for weeks and months to come in offering these regular lessons in gratitude. May it be so!
