It was another beautiful day in the Bay area, something I try not to take for granted. While so much of the country has been blazing hot for much of the summer (a friend in Phoenix just posted that it’s still 108 there even though it’s after 8 p.m. and the sun has set) it remains in the low 70s here most days. Sometimes in August it’s downright cold here, especially in San Francisco proper, where there are many days when it doesn’t creep out of the 50s. Mid-September is when the “heat” will come–reaching into the 80s and sometimes 90s. The people in Berkeley complain bitterly about the heat during those few days (at the most 10 days) of so-called hot weather. Having lived most of my life in winter climates, where the summers were usually hot and humid and the winters were cold and snowy, I’m still getting used to wearing sweatshirts in the summer time and find the whining about heat quite amusing.
Today has felt like a really long day. My goal, as it often is, is to go to bed at a “decent” hour. Somehow I don’t quite manage to accomplish that and so I stay up too late and drag myself up in the morning. That coupled with not sleeping particularly well is creating a few challenges for me. So tonight’s blog might not be particularly profound; in fact it’s likely not going to be profound at all. Most days, my gratitude is very basic and simple, and that has been true today.
On Wednesdays I spend three and a half hours at the Berkeley Food Pantry working with a group of dedicated volunteers to distribute food to area residents. It is at times pretty hard (hauling bags and boxes), fast-paced work that I’ve really come to appreciate for reasons I am just beginning to sort out. I began volunteering there as a way to get myself out of my house and into the land of the living, to prevent myself from getting isolated and depressed. I think part of my appreciation for the work there is that it is one of those areas in my life when, since I am not going to a job every day, I can contribute my time, energy, and thinking toward something positive. In the absence of work projects I can think about how to help the Food Pantry get more visibility so we can attract more donations. I can figure out how to be more efficient in completing some task I’m doing there. I can interact with members of the community. I can exercise some of those mental “muscles” I would normally use at a job. Right now, volunteering at the Food Pantry isn’t on my resume, but maybe it should be. I am grateful to have someplace to go to do good work. It might not be the work I am “trained” to do, but that really doesn’t matter.
I keep thinking that this job drought isn’t going to last much longer; but the truth is, I have no idea how long it’s going to last. Some statistics I read recently said that I could expect to be unemployed for up to 10 months (I am at five.) Stats like that are scary to me, and I try not to dwell on them. In my darkest, most anxious moments I allow myself to consider the possibility that I might not ever find suitable work–I know, it sounds dramatic, but every once in a while I go there. Then, some modicum of faith kicks in and I tell myself it’s not going to be forever, that I need to be patient and–as I said last night–I need to keep taking more action to keep me moving forward in the direction I want to go in. In the meantime, I’m grateful to have at least one place where I can use some skills in helping people in the community. I’m looking forward to finding others.
