I do a lot of thinking in the morning: the 40-minute commute to work provides me with one of the quietest times I have in any given day, behind my morning journal writing time and other rare snatches of quiet. As an introvert I deeply value quiet, and find that I have so little of it during the course of my workday that by the end of the workweek I am suffering from extreme quiet deficit disorder (QDD).
What many people fail to understand about introversion is that it has much less to do with social skills–being talkative, outgoing, gregarious people-persons–and everything to do with what charges their batteries (and conversely what runs them down.) Introverts generally thrive on quiet, down time, me, myself and I time. The more externally focused, people interactive, meetings and appointments and introvert has, the more drained and exhausted they can become. I know that’s true for me. So by the end of a day like today–filled with meetings (one of which I was leading) and one-on-one appointments with people and the nonstop engagement with people: “Can I ask you a quick question?” “Marquita did you have a chance to look at that report I gave you?” “I’ll see you at the meeting this afternoon…” –I am ready to collapse.
Then I come home to blessed quietness where the only being I am accountable to is my dog, and once I’ve taken her on her walk and fed her I’m even off the clock with her (though I do play with her a little bit, lowering my blood pressure and making her very happy.) At times I have found my life a bit solitary and lonely; but at these crunch times when I have so much going on on my external work life, I absolutely need these hours of quiet to recharge. I am aware that I have not been giving myself enough quiet time and thus QDD has set in. What is the remedy for QDD? I am still working out the exact dosage, but I have to believe that a healthy amount of limited to non-engagement with the outside world for a period of time would have me right as rain in no time. Mind you, I don’t have to be totally solo during this time, just not engaging with a whole lot of people for long stretches of time.
So I am grateful this evening for the self-awareness I have about what’s wearing me down. Many of the meetings and interactions I had today were important and good–connecting with people of good energy and strong convictions talking about matters that are of critical importance. They were enthusiastic, generative meetings. But I am no less exhausted for all that they were good. My sister reminded me that today is “hump day” for those of us who work a standard 8 to 5 job. For me that means that I can collapse on Friday evening and stir only as much as necessary on Saturday and Sunday.The rest of the world and in particular the people I work and interact with on a daily basis will thank me if I take the time to care for myself.
Maya Angelou said, “Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer.” Tonight as I rest my weary, overstimulated, mind, I am kneeling on the pillow of gratitude and offering myself a gift of quiet time. It may not be quite enough to totally refill my reserves, but its a good start. And for that I am most heartily grateful.
