Long day today, but then Wednesdays tend to be like that. It was a hot day in Berkeley, which made for a really hot day at the food pantry. I went out to a meeting of sorts this evening and now am home for an hour before my nightly trek to Berkeley to pick Jared up from his job. Long day, but a good one.
I continue to be grateful for revelations–for dawning awareness, for the clarity that comes when you ask questions and then really wait for the answers. It’s been happening lately, with one big piece of clarity that I experienced during my time out of town last week, but mostly a lot of little shifts in awareness. I came to a new understanding about something that had been puzzling me, “Ohhhh that’s why that bothered me…” I realized that something had been missing from a particular experience and after brief thought and conversation with a friend I understood suddenly what had been missing and why it was important.
I am fortunate to have in my life people against whom I can bounce off particular ideas, ask questions of, share doubts with, express concerns too–people who will listen and think and offer thoughtful answers, opinions, suggestions. I am aware what a blessing that is, to be able to ask someone a question that might seem silly or trivial to some people but that is taken very seriously by this friend. My questions range from the practical (how should I go about buying new tires) to existential (sorting through my faith and whether or not there’s a god who cares about me), and at any given moment, I know who I need to talk to to get answers.
This past March when I got laid off from my job, I needed some serious and immediate advice and assistance to know how to handle some of the more delicate particulars of my separation from my employer. I put out a call for help to my siblings and got extensive and intensive assistance from my oldest sister and her husband; in fact I got advice, letter writing suggestions and edits, referrals to legal professionals, and various forms of support from all three of my sisters. I am becoming increasingly clear about how deeply I value my family and friends. They have been important to me at each stage of my journey, perhaps now more than ever. What’s important to also mention is that I have also grown in my willingness and capacity to ask questions and to ask for help–two things I was not particularly good at earlier in my life. I’m for sure getting good at it now.
It’s been said that people come into our lives for a reason, season, or lifetime. I don’t spend a whole lot of time deciding who falls into which category, though I confess I periodically wonder about some of them. I am grateful tonight for the people in my life right now and appreciate the richness they bring individually and collectively. I have permanently etched them on my gratitude list and l hold them in my heart.
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