Tonight I am grateful for the journey. It has not been an easy week. Nothing monumental happened; and as I think of it, perhaps that’s what’s made it a challenging week. I have been waiting on some good news that at least at this moment doesn’t appear to be forthcoming. Today someone said to me, “I thought no news was good news.” To which I replied, “Not necessarily. In this case the longer there is no news the less ‘good’ it gets.” So the task has been to try to remain calm as the days have dragged on and ignore that sinking feeling that the news I’ve been hoping for isn’t going to come.
The journey of 2011, when I look back at it, will go down as very pivotal in my life. There are now less than two months left in the year that has been full of upheaval and challenge for me, as well as perseverance and accomplishment. The way I look at it, if I am still standing relatively strong at the end of this year, that will be a significant achievement. Between now and December 31, 2011, I’m going to download, organize and read each of these blog entries since I started them back on June 30. This blog chronicles my journey of the past six months, with all its trials and triumphs. It provides me with a measuring stick to see how far I’ve traveled–in terms of personal growth and distance–during this time. I think rereading and organizing it might be very encouraging, particularly as I move toward the end of 2011 with perhaps as much uncertainty in my life as there was at the beginning. In some ways I’m still holding on for dear life, but I am nonetheless grateful for remaining relatively steadfast.
I want to repost the poem, Invictus, by William Earnest Henley, because it continues to both inspire me and represent the attitude with which I have at times endeavored to approach the trying times in my life. Over these months my self confidence has taken a bit of bruising from which I’ve been trying to recover. In the midst of all that’s happening around me, I pray that I can develop and sustain the kind of confidence it takes to declare myself the master of my fate and the captain of my soul. This is of course a process; one which I’ve been deeply engaged in and continue engaging. With patience, compassion, persistence, kindness, gratitude, generosity and some of the other attributes I’ve been cultivating, I will continue to grow toward becoming who I am meant to be and be grateful for the journey.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
© M. T. Chamblee, 2011
