It’s been another good, long day. I participated in another really powerful daylong retreat at East Bay Meditation Center. This one focused on mindful approaches for dealing with stress and depression, particularly during the holidays. It might not sound like a particularly uplifting subject (!), but it offered a number of strategies and suggestions for interrupting the “cycle of depression” and interjecting mindfulness and compassion practices to help even out the rough places. What made it even better for me was that I participated with my daughter, Michal.
One of the unfortunate legacies passed on (to a certain degree) through family lines is depression. Depressive tendencies seem to run through my family and express themselves in some form or another in a number of us. It has also shown up in my kids. I can’t say that we’re genetically presdisposed toward depression; I will say that it’s developed perhaps as much through challenging life circumstances as DNA. Over the course of this past year I’ve worked harder to reduce the effects of depression in my life than ever before. Part of the work is a new determination to break the streak of depression that runs through the family so that my kids don’t reach 50 years old and are still fighting it. While it’s really not within my control to break the grip of depression in their lives, I can nonetheless offer and expose them to tools and practices that can help them do it for themselves. So I was really happy and grateful that Michal joined me at today’s retreat.
One of the side effects of having undergone the series of unfortunate events that befell me earlier in the year has been that my children see much more of my vulnerability than they used to. That is, I reveal much more of my vulnerabilities, worries, frailties, etc. than I ever have before. Most of the time it has not been my choice to do so; my preference would be to shield them from the difficulty of seeing me shaken and overwhelmed by tough circumstances. However, it allows them to see not only my humanity but also witness how it’s possible to find and use tools to work through life challenges. As they watch me work through my own battles with depression and begin to develop a sense of compassion and equanimity, I hope it provides some measure of inspiration to them that they can do the same.
I am grateful to have participated in the retreat today. I believe the more tools I have to work with the challenges in my life, the better I am able to help others who might be facing difficult circumstances of their own. I hope to deepen my practice of compassion to enable me to extend it to myself and others for the benefit of everyone. One of the benefits of having experienced all the upheaval in my life this past year has been to deepen the compassion and empathy that I have for others and also to recognize the importance of extending kindness and concern for myself. I still have work to do in this area, but it’s good work and I’m up for it. I am grateful to be surrounded by such good teachers and guides who by their words, actions and attitudes inspire me to continue to walk the path with patience, grace and good humor. This is a very good thing.
