Lessons in Gratitude Day 981

Posted on November 24, 2014 by mtchamblee

I’ve got critters in my attic. They moved in about a month ago, I could hear them scurrying around, running back and forth and generally having a field day. I was hopeful that they were squirrels versus anything else, like raccoons, which might be harder to get rid of given how smart they are. The animal control guy came out and put a live trap up on the roof with the promise that he’d have them out of there in no time. After several nights of not sleeping well because of the constant pitter patter of tiny squirrel feet across the ceiling as well as the dog constantly waking up to growl at them, I’m pretty well worn out. Still, I am a big fan of squirrels, when they’re outside of the house.

This evening when I got home I could hear the cage rattling and realized we nabbed the first one. I’ve noted that this evening I haven’t heard the pattering across the ceiling; now I get to listen to the rattling of the cage right above my bedroom window. I am grateful for the distraction this evening. Somehow caged squirrels are a lot easier to focus on than  issues of unrest, protests, and violence that are unfolding in Ferguson, Missouri and across the country. Even as I type this I have a window open following the protests, hearing the explosions of tear gas canisters as they’re fired from launchers aimed at protestors by the police.

For me, this evening, I cannot concentrate fully on gratitude and squirrels or the unfolding violence in Ferguson, Missouri and what it represents. While I remain grateful for the blessings in my life I am also aware that I live in a space of relative privilege and safety. In spite of this I could be as easily victimized as the next person simply because of how I look: my race, my age, my gender, and other elements of my identities that make me vulnerable. It is wearying and disheartening. My father was a champion for civil rights for people of color back in the 1960s. Those were difficult and often violent days. We are 50 years from some of that early work and still we are not safe.

I am a grateful but weary warrior. Tomorrow I will go to work and do what I do to help others react, respond, release all the while shaking my head and wondering if we’ve really come very far at all. Tomorrow is indeed another day. The sun will come up and we will continue to try to make sense of what is happening around us. The contradictions of the mundane things of this life–commuting, going to the office, picking grandma up from the airport, trips to the grocery store to buy things for the Thanksgiving feast–juxtaposed with teargas and gunshots, fires and such. And up on my roof, the cage rattles. It is all so very odd. And so it goes.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 980–The Gift of Forgiveness

Posted on November 23, 2014 by mtchamblee

Tonight is one of those nights that I sincerely hope I have the energy to convey the information, the message that I have to share. I feel the ideas tickling at the periphery of my consciousness, and hope that I can coax them into the light of my awareness so I can pass them along. We shall see how it goes. Pray, church.

Every once in a while something happens for which you are totally unprepared, or if you are prepared it’s only because you’ve imagined over and over again what it might be like, what you might do if something, this one thing ever happened. But then when it does, especially if it’s a long time coming, you scarcely remember what it was you thought you would do in the particular circumstance. For example if you’ve ever said, “If I ever see so-and so person again in this lifetime, I will give them a piece of my mind.” Or it may be that you took an action that had unintended consequences that should the situation present itself again you would take a completely different approach. Sometimes, in fact often, we don’t get the chance to undo something or to have a chance to speak one more time to a person whom we really needed to tell something. And so we pull ourselves together and move on as best we can, hoping to learn whatever lessons the Universe placed in the midst of the situation.

This has been an interesting time for me. I suppose I would characterize it as a “I was minding my own business when…” kind of time. Blessings sometimes come like that, out of the blue. Sometimes difficulties come out of the blue as well; I learned that from the series of unfortunate events that clobbered me from out of the blue a few years ago. Recently I was contacted by someone I wasn’t sure I’d ever hear from again. We’d scarcely spoken to one another in nearly 20 years and much had passed between us that would make reconnecting with them unlikely. So when I received an email from them asking if I was willing to talk with them it caught me completely off guard. What would we say to each other after all these years? I asked myself as I wrote a reply and waited for the phone to ring. When it did, the years suddenly dropped away. They began the conversation with an apology for all that had happened and asked for my forgiveness. There it was.

The sting of all that had happened before had long since eased. When I checked into the recesses and corners of my heart and mind I found no lingering vestiges of pain, anger, or any of the emotions I might have held at one time. I looked for them, but they weren’t there. What remained was interest, curiosity, and connection that had once been there. I was able to say with complete sincerity that I had forgiven them long ago and had moved on. I hadn’t said that it had been easy or difficult nor how long it had taken me to get there, how much work I had done on myself in the intervening years. I had not known until that moment the depth of my recovery. I mean, I thought I was “better,” that I had truly forgiven and moved on, but where was my evidence? Until confronted with the person or persons who has “wronged” you, how can you know how much progress you’ve made?

I am grateful for the ongoing practice of forgiveness and compassion that I’ve actively attended to over the years. Forgiveness is not some magnanimous act that we bestow upon another person out of the goodness of our hearts. To me, it is a way of being that is born in part out of grace–I have been forgiven many times by many people for many things–and likewise born out of pain and healing and letting go. I have learned to let go of many things–from perceived slights to significant acts that caused grief, pain, and suffering. Forgiveness occurs are various levels in various stages. The deeper the wound, the more difficult it is to let go of the pain and extend forgiveness, and the longer it takes to recover and heal. But if we’re fortunate there are those moments when forgiveness has deepened to a point at which the last vestiges of pain are gone and healing is complete. I am not sure that I have achieved that level of completeness with my old friend who contacted me, but it sure feels like it.

I remain incredibly grateful for the gift of forgiveness, and it really is a gift.  I still have a lot of growing to do in my capacity to forgive, to develop compassion for myself and what I’ve suffered as well as others and what they’ve suffered. As part of my lovingkindness practices I offer good wishes to all beings, including (and especially) the group of people referred to as “enemies,” whom I refer to as “those with whom I struggle or whom I need to forgive.” It is an important muscle to exercise frequently, to wish well to those who have done you ill. But it is nothing less than Jesus, Buddha, and many wise spiritual beings expect from us. As with gratitude, lovingkindness, compassion, forgiveness, generosity, and other practices are becoming part of my daily life. While I have much to learn, I have also grown. And for that measure of growth I am most exceedingly grateful.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 979

Posted on November 21, 2014 by mtchamblee

I am approaching my “Thousand Days of Gratitude.” It is now close enough that there is no doubt of its reality unless something really unexpected happens. This is very exciting and yet I find myself a little anxious about closing this down. The Lessons have been coming for three years now, with a long gap from this past January through about September when I started up again. Part of it is, I believe, a desire to reach out to the world from the relative quiet of my life outside of work. It’s a small way of connecting to the world out there, letting people know I am here and I am grateful. It’s definitely worth thinking about as I approach 1,000 days and think about what happens on day 1001, 1002, and beyond. For tonight, though, I am spinning the wheel. At the end of a long day, concluded by a lovely dinner out with my sister Ruth, I have just enough energy to spin the wheel. Though I had the subject matter for tonight’s blog outlined first thing this morning, I don’t have the clarity and momentum to push past the tiredness to give it the attention it deserves. And so I’m offering this repost of a piece I wrote in February 2013 about perseverance and with it my good wishes and gratitude for your attention.

Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody,but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds,and shall find,me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
by William Ernest Henley, 1875

On more than one occasion over the last few years I have “thanked whatever gods may be for my unconquerable soul.” I am grateful for the gift of perseverance that has graced my life over the years. When I think about some of the difficulties I’ve faced, I can recall times when I wanted to sit down and simply give up. Frustrated, despairing ,angry, depressed, I couldn’t always see how I was going to make it through, but somehow I managed it. I owe that to the grace of God and the knowledge that I simply couldn’t give up.  I also owe it to the examples I see in the people around me who in spite of their challenges still get up each morning and go to work and live their lives to the best of their abilities.

As I look upon my life, I continue to seek and find the many blessings–obvious and not so obvious–that surround me every day. By some measures my life isn’t carefree or easy, but by many, many others I live a very blessed life. As usual, it is a matter of perspective.

Every morning, I write in my journal at least four simple phrases of well-wishing associated with the Buddhist practice of metta, lovingkindness. I begin by offering them for myself and in turn offer them for my loved ones, acquaintances and “enemies,” and ultimately for all sentient beings. It’s like a daily prayer that I offer on behalf of us all, and as I offer the metta phrases I often picture and hold the images of certain people in my mind and heart, wishing happiness and an end to suffering for them.

May I/they/we be peaceful and happy.
May I be safe and protected from harm.
May I be healthy and strong in my body,mind,and spirit
May I live with joy,ease,and wellbeing.

They are simple enough phrases, and as I walk through each day, reciting them, sending good wishes out into the world, I know that I change the environment around me, that where I choose to put my focus affects my energy and that of people around me for the better. Sometimes this phenomenon is more obvious than at others, but I believe it to be true and am seeing the impacts of this in my own life.

So I am grateful that I have persevered through challenging circumstances and have come through them with my faith not only intact but stronger. That faith doesn’t look like it used to back in my regular church-attending days, but in many ways it’s stronger than it ever was back then. I am on an interesting path at the moment, moving inexorably forward toward a new “what’s next”that I have a feeling is going to surprise even me. In the meantime, I am content to let things unfold as they will. Every day offers new opportunities to learn, grow, and be grateful.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 978–Heart Music

Posted on November 20, 2014 by mtchamblee

I play an old, scratched up, Guild 12-string guitar. I’ve had it for nearly 20 years and it was probably 20 years old (at least) when I first received it. My now ex-husband gave it to me a week after my mother’s funeral. I had played an even more beat up six-string guitar and sang a duet with my sister Ruth at the service. I was scheduled to play and sing at that same sister’s wedding a week later. “I didn’t want you to play that beat up old guitar at Ruth’s wedding,” Marcus had explained to me. “This one isn’t brand new but I wanted to have something better for you to play at Ruth’s wedding.”

To me it was beautiful and it sounded wonderful. I’d given away a 12-string guitar a few years earlier and had missed the full sound of the 12 strings vibrating beautifully through the instrument. It was scratched and worn and had been played lovingly and hard by others’ hands. It cost $450, which was a fortune to our young family at that time. I pulled it from its case and have made beautiful music it with for nearly 20 years, beginning with my sister’s wedding, for which I had written a special song.

Tonight I had it back out of it’s case, running my hands along the scratches and scars, contemplating what I might play. I was in a mood, I could feel it, and needed to vocalize it, express it through the instrument as best I could. I played a few tentative chords, reaching for what my heart needed to play and then found the minor chords that have salved my soul on more than one occasion. I played my song, “Wednesday’s Child” with the same angst I’d sang it with back in 1977 when I wrote it. Cloudy sky, rainy day. I wasn’t gonna go out anyway. I’ll just stay inside, find a place to hide, and softly fade away… Yes, that was exactly what I needed to play, and no sooner had the last note died before I was gearing up into Kathy Mattea’s “Standing Knee Deep in a River (and Dying of Thirst).” Ah yes, now we were getting to it. You see, it started with someone having posted on Facebook a link to Joni Mitchell’s “River,” a somewhat melancholy holiday tune that–pardon the pun–struck a chord in my heart that needed playing. I hadn’t even realized what my heart was asking for, but when I figure it out, I answered.

I am almost speechless with gratitude for the day I discovered that I was a songwriter. Even when I have let the gift lie dormant, something happens to wake it up. I am always amazed that when I lift my scarred old Guild out of her case and pluck a few notes the magic happens and all the dry places bloom. I know, sounds dramatic doesn’t it? It is dramatic–nurturing and lifesaving. I wish I had a river I could skate away on... You see, you don’t have to be sad for a sad song to grab you, transport you to someplace you needed to go. And boy did I need it.

Now before my siblings and friends start texting and calling me to ask me if I’m alright, please know that I am fine. My heart is a little tender, but not broken. Music once again has provided me a space to feel a little bit of that tenderness without being overwhelmed by it. Life is all about living and loving and letting go. Seems we’re saying goodbye when we’ve just said hello…I am so very grateful for music and even more grateful for remembering the power that it has to tell my stories for me and the power to seep into all the sore places and bring relief. So grateful and few words can adequately convey it. Sometimes it’s putting on upbeat Latin tunes that I can dance around the kitchen to, sometimes it’s gospel music transporting me back to my church days, and then sometimes it’s some deep, meaningful, slightly blue songs that reach just the right place. Ah yes. There is is. And my soul is grateful.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 977

Posted on November 19, 2014 by mtchamblee

This morning when I stepped outside to walk the dog I noticed that the ground had hardened significantly. I marveled at this because just the other day it was soft and springy and gave easily under the pressure of my footsteps. This morning, it was hard-packed earth, not quite like concrete but hard nonetheless. I realized that this is yet another sign that the earth, at least in this hemisphere, is getting ready for winter; that the ground has to harden in order to be able to hold the snow when it falls. Otherwise, the snow would simply melt into the ground. The hardening is just another way that the earth prepares for the changes to come.

I love this awareness. The earth prepares. She adapts and adjusts literally overnight. There is a lot I could learn from her about being flexible and adaptable to change. What is becoming clearer to me is that through the various seasons of my life, whether I was aware of it or not, I was adapting and adjusting to the subtle as well as more obvious changes around me. Metaphorically speaking, the earth hardened when I needed to retain something at the surface level, when at another time I might need for it to soak deeply in. My various life experiences–the “good,” the “bad” and the “ugly”–have all woven a different color thread in the tapestry of my life that not only add to the richness and texture of who I am, but also have prepared me for the next leg of the journey. (Sorry to be mixing metaphors…long day.)

Three years ago, when I hit some significant bumps in my life, I initiated my “bookend” writing practices–a morning journal I titled, “Writing My Way to Clarity,” and this daily gratitude blog, which I’ve almost always written in the evenings. In my morning journal I spent a lot of time writing about my “what’s next,” describing in some detail some important characteristics I needed to have in whatever work I would be doing in my future. At that time, as I found myself unexpectedly job hunting, I took the time to really think through basic things like my life purpose and the overall meaning of my life and my place in the universe. To my surprise I didn’t fully resolve that and I just started “Book 14” of “Writing my Way to Clarity.” I’m much clearer now, but still have a few things to work out.

I am oh so grateful, as I’ve stated many times before in this blog, for the path that has led me to where I am today. I’ve been aware, even in the midst of some fairly intense circumstances, obstacles, roadblocks, setbacks, failures, etc. that in spite of everything I would be alright. That assurance is what keeps me relatively stable and steady when the challenges arise. The truth is I couldn’t have gotten to where I am now and headed toward my what’s next without having experienced the pain and trials of the past few years. They have absolutely made me who and what I am in this very moment. A long ago writer said it this way, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” I for sure have been trained by the “chastening” and as odd as it might sound I’ve learned to embrace rather than resist or run from it.

So yes, I am grateful for the bumps in the path as well as the smooth spots. And while for a time it has felt more rocky than smooth, I am looking forward to things leveling out a little more in the not-too-distant future. In the meantime, in this moment, I will continue to do my best with whatever comes and approach it all, as best I can, with a grateful heart. May it be so.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 976

Posted on November 18, 2014 by mtchamblee

My brother says I should spin the wheel tonight. It is tempting. I am tired and it is already creeping toward my desired light’s out time of 10 p.m. Note I said my desired time–I rarely accomplish it these days. Yet I still manage to pull myself out of bed at 5:15 every morning. And yet I want to take a few moments to express some original gratitude this evening. I have so very much to be grateful for and “from the rising of the sun to the going down of the same” I cannot fully count the many good things I encounter over the course of the day. Most of the time, monumental things are not happening; so much of what is happening is internal or invisible, barely noticeable to the naked eye unless you know what to look for.

I realized yet again today how fortunate I am to work with very good people. In over 30 years of professional career thus far I have been blessed to have good colleagues in my life. I have worked in a half dozen organizations in states in the East, Mid-Atlantic, Midwest and West Coast. Scattered across the country are terrific colleagues, some of whom became friends. I don’t have nearly as much contact with many of them as I once had, but I manage to check in with them from time to time. I am grateful for the continuing connection, finding that even if years have separated us and our time working together, we can often pick up where we left off. So on this day as I sat in my weekly staff meeting with this wonderfully wacky yet immensely creative, talented, and passionate group of folks I found myself once again grateful to be working with and amongst them.

The work we do is not easy; part of our work is in essence to hold up a mirror to the organization and asking questions like: how are we treating our fellow human beings, are we creating a community that welcomes and embraces all individuals of various backgrounds and identities. Organizations, like people, often don’t want mirrors held up to reflect to them the good and the bad in how they approach and care for the beings they serve. In spite of obstacles and challenges thrown their way, the people with whom I am fortunate to work every day stand strong in the firmness of their commitments and vision for the work. It’s a blessing to work with them.

I am grateful as always for the people around me, who they are and what they do. Working with them helps me become a better worker and a better person overall. For this, I am exceedingly grateful. And so it is.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 975–It’s All in the Family

Posted on November 17, 2014 by mtchamblee

I know I’ve said this many times before in this blog and elsewhere, but I love my family. For so many reasons and in so many ways they show up as the most loving, supportive, funny, poignant, argumentative, tight-knit, boisterous group of people you’d ever hope to be related to. As individuals they are intelligent, hardworking, dedicated family-people, deeply committed to their loved ones. They are what family could be but isn’t for so many people. I am deeply grateful for each individual as well as who we are as a collective.

In the past 24 to 48 hours three of my five siblings texted me to ask me if I was doing alright. “How are you? I keep thinking not so good cuz your blog  is negative.” and “Your recent gratitude posts have seemed fatigued. What’s up?” It is not at all unusual for one or another of them to pick up on something in a post and immediately contact me to see what’s wrong. I am grateful for this on a number of levels. First, that my siblings read my blog. I find this very touching and humbling and gratifying. They are among my most faithful and consistent readers. Second, that they know me well enough to read between the sometimes vague lines of what’s written here to know when something doesn’t sound quite right. Third, they love me enough that when something doesn’t sound right they reach out. As I sit here writing this I know without a doubt that if I reach out to any of my siblings they would do whatever was in their power to do to aid me. There is no more comforting feeling in this world than that.

I once did an exercise called a “trust fall” in which I climbed up a fallen log jutting up several feet in the air. I was to turn around, cross my arms across my chest, and fall into the arms of a team of people whom I’d just met a day or two before. Yeah, right. The first challenge was climbing up the tree given my fear of heights, and then to let myself relax enough to fall straight back potentially plummeting into the ground required a great deal of nerve. But I did it. And when I landed, caught easily and securely held in the arms of my ten colleagues, I looked up into some of the most loving faces I’d ever had look down upon me. That is how I picture myself with my siblings. At any given time one of us is either the faller or the catcher. Either way we are caught or catch reliably, lovingly cradling each faller, rocking them for a few moments before gently setting them up on their feet.

I am grateful to have the strong ties I have with my family, with my siblings and even with the next generation. I  love being connected to their children. Sometimes I might feel like “weird Aunt Terry,” but they never make me feel that way. I look forward with much joy seeing them almost as much as seeing their parents. Almost. I am grateful beyond measure for the love of and for my kin folks.

Back in a September 2o11 post I wrote: “I know that for many people, their families of origin are not their families of choice. I am fortunate to have family members that I love and respect and enjoy spending time with. I count my siblings among my close friends. Harper Lee (“To Kill a Mockingbird”) said, ‘You can choose your friends but you sho’ can’t choose your family, an’ they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ‘em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don’t.’ Well I didn’t have any choice about who my kin are,but I figure that for the most part, I lucked out. And for that, and for each of them, I am most grateful.”

For all who are only children, for those who lost their parents (or never knew them), for any who are estranged from their blood relatives, and for so many others for whom “family” is synonymous with sadness and pain, I wish for you deep connection with other beings who can be for you what your family of origin was not. May you find love and support in other communities, surrounded by people who love and support you.

I am grateful for my family. And for those of you who are reading this today, thanks for your love and concern. I hope this post reassures you that not only am I alright, I am deeply grateful for each of you. May you all be filled with lovingkindness. May you be peaceful and happy. May you be safe and protected from harm. May you be healthy and strong in body, mind, and spirit. May you live with joy, ease, and wellbeing. May all your sorrows, grief, and suffering be held with great compassion. May your good fortune continue and grow. And may you learn to see the arising and passing of all things with equanimity and balance. May this be so for us all! Namaste.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 974

Posted on November 15, 2014 by mtchamblee

I am slowly and steadily moving toward 1000 days of gratitude. It is an absolutely delectable goal to reach. I’ve thought briefly about naming my gratitude book, “A Thousand Days of Gratitude.” It has a catchy ring to it, doesn’t it. As I think back on it I didn’t get into the gratitude business to write a blog for a thousand days or to write a book or anything of the sort. In fact, if you had told me I’d still be writing this blog after three years I’d have called you crazy or incredibly optimistic or both. It began as an exercise in keeping my spirits up by focusing on the blessings in my life rather than on the disasters that seemed to be taking over. It has been a practice that has sustained me over time and continues to sustain me.

Tonight I decided to spin the wheel and reconnect with a post from earlier in this experience. After several spins I landed on this blog from September of 2012. In re-reading it I am reminded about the importance of maintaining as sense of positivity and hopefulness even in the midst of significant challenges. I hope you are able to benefit from it as well.

Tonight I am grateful for positivity. I have not always been the most positive person in the world; over the course of my lifetime,I’ve suffered from persistent bouts of pessimism, skepticism, and other forms of negativity. As I have gotten older, though, I seem to be strengthening my capacity for optimism and positivity. That this is developing right in the midst of relatively challenging life circumstances is as remarkable as it is miraculous, but I’ll take it. Part of it has involved my being determined that I would not be overcome by the depression that has hampered me throughout much of my life. At a time when I could have easily succumbed to sadness, grief, and loss that engulfed me early in 20111, I fought mightily to pull myself out of the abyss of  self pity, self criticism, and despair. That was a long, slow climb, but I made it out of the hole and onto level ground.

There’s a line from a Wynonna song that says, “When you hit rock bottom you’ve got two ways to go: straight up,and sideways.” Well, that’s kinda right, isn’t it? I can’t say that I didn’t go sideways for a little bit before I headed straight up, but head up I did. And while I haven’t quite ascended to the top of the mountain,I’m climbing. And I’m grateful to be able to look back and see the progress.

The world can feel like a pretty negative place at times–sometimes I despair at the some of the hatred I see among people who have different social, cultural, and idealogical backgrounds. There are people who hold animosity against me simply for what I look like–they can’t see past the brown skin to even want to understand who I am and what it is I bring to the world. The vitriolic speech and sometimes violent actions that people direct against one other adds to all already toxic cloud of negativity that permeates our atmosphere and rains down on everyone. It makes the work of becoming and remaining positive quite taxing. Nevertheless, I continue working the muscle of positivity and am getting stronger.

The other morning I was fighting the blues hard. I decided to put on some upbeat music and dance around my room until I was feeling a little better. My daughter had created a playlist for me compiled solely of upbeat songs with positive, you-can-make-it lyrics. I was feeling better by the third song, and by the time the whole playlist had played all the way through, the blues were far behind me. The road to feeling better started with a decision to break myself out of a rut and intentionally put myself into a position to be influenced by positivity and to likewise influence others. I have made that decision many times over the past year and it has resulted in me being a healthier person–even in the midst of trying and depressing circumstances–than I was even before the calamities of 2011 hit me. It begins with the decision.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be little miss sunshine, seeing everything as beautiful and positive and perennially seeing the glass as half full; but I’m pretty sure that I also won’t be crawling out of a deep hole of depression and despair. I have learned/am learning that I can decide to move myself to a better place through an act of will and intention. It is not easy and I am not always 100 percent successful, but I’m determined to keep working at it and looking for positive results. Last week I ran across a quote from Oprah Winfrey that really summed up this aspect of my journey thus far, “It is a blessing to be able to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to be in a position to make the climb and to know the summit is still up ahead.” A big part of my journey of the past 18 months has been just that:putting one foot in front of the other,to keep moving forward as best I can, even if it feels like wading through peanut butter. I am grateful to have had the desire and the strength of will to do it. I’ll keep climbing until I get to the summit–I hear the view is spectacular from there.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 973

Posted on November 14, 2014 by mtchamblee

And so we come to the end of another week. It has felt at times to have been very long and very exhausting. Several evenings  have seen me nodding off at the keyboard too tired to form a coherent sentence, this evening being no exception; I just awoke having fallen asleep for several minutes, perhaps more than an hour. I am grateful to have the next two days off of work when I can sleep a little longer in the morning and be free from the 60 to 75 to 90 minute commute home in the evenings. It has been particularly difficult being in the car that long now that it’s dark in the evenings. The other night I experienced the longest drive in many months: nearly two hours on the road.

One could suggest that it is my own doing that led me to having this commute in the first place–I was the one who chose to live over 26 miles from my workplace–and they would be correct, it was entirely my doing. When I chose where I wanted to settle in it was with the idea that I wanted to live close to my three sisters. From where I live I am within 15 minutes of each of them. Family trumped convenience, and for the most part it will continue to do so. Even though I drag myself out of the car some nights, exhausted and grateful to have slogged home in the mind-numbing, bumper-to-bumper traffic that is a hallmark of DC-area driving, I still wouldn’t trade it for being a short 15-minute ride to my sisters’ homes. It’s a good thing.

And so, on an evening when simple gratitude is about all I can muster (after all, I can’t write insightful masterpieces about the Balrog every night)I begin as I often do, with gratitude for family. Broader than blood kin, this evening I would widen the circle to include dear friends and the circle of good colleagues with whom I have the good fortune to work with on a daily basis. I am grateful to and for the many dedicated, talented, creative,  passionate, energetic people with whom I’ve had the pleasure to work. Many have become friends–some I remain in contact with after many years, as well as those who drift in and out of my life with whom I am only periodically in touch. Were I to stop for a few moments and think about the impact that circle of people have had and are having on the world I think I would be amazed at how many lives have been touched and good has been done by some of the people in my circle of family, friends, and wonderful coworkers. I remain grateful to and for them all.

So I am indeed grateful for the upcoming weekend. And though I have a lot I need to get done, I will spend some time in simple activities like raking the leaves that have taken over my yard and doing some cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping and other weekend-types of things. I am grateful for the mundane simplicity and physical nature of these tasks after the mentally and emotionally-wearing, complicated and complex week at work. I am looking forward to creating for myself a few quiet spaces in the midst of the weekend activities.

As I often do at the end of some days, I offer the brief prayer that my sister shared with me a number of years ago from the New Zealand prayer book:

God, it is night.
The night is for stillness.
Let us be still in the presence of God.
It is night after a long day.
What has been done has been done;
what has not been done has not been done;
let it be.
The night is quiet.
Let the quietness of your peace enfold us,
all dear to us, and all who have no peace.
The night heralds the dawn.
Let us look expectantly to a new day,
new joys, new possibilities.
In your name we pray.  Amen.

And so it is. And I am grateful.

Posted in Family, Friends, Gratitude, Simple Blessings/Gratitude | Leave a comment

Lessons in Gratitude Day 972–What Happens Next

Posted on November 12, 2014 by mtchamblee

I want to follow up on what I wrote about yesterday, about facing the Balrogs in our lives. After Gandalf plants the staff confronting the Balrog and stating “You shall not pass!”  a piece of the bridge on which the beast is standing collapses from beneath it and the Balrog begins a long, slow plummet in theory toward his death. Gandalf the wizard turns to rejoin his companions in their flight out of the dark, scary place they were traveling through. But at the last second the Baulrog’s long whip snakes out from the abyss, wraps around Gandalf’s legs and drags him into the abyss after him. The wizard battle’s the Balrog all the way down into oblivion, leaving his companions to flee to safety. They thought him dead, and so it appeared. But an interesting thing happened in the process of battling the Balrog to the death, a new Gandalf emerges. He goes from being Gandalf the Grey to Gandalf the White, a much more powerful wizard than he had been before.

The moral of this particular story then is that we may face the Balrogs in our lives, planting our staffs, forbidding their passage into our lives, blocking us from progressing in the quests we have undertaken. In the process of the taking our stand and battling in the midst of our plummet into the abyss, we emerge as a different being than we were when we engaged the Balrog in the first place. I’d like to believe this is true.

Sometimes it is not the Balrog–the massive, scary, fiery demon with really big teeth and then there’s the whip–instead it is those niggling little demons that buzz around our heads like gnats, not life-threatening but completely annoying and distracting. Over the past few days I’ve done battle with all kinds of critters, and I am weary. This evening my commute home took nearly two hours. I arrived home cranky at having been in the car that long, but glad to be home. After taking care of Honnie’s needs I went to change my clothes and realized that somewhere during the day or at some point along the way, the chain broke that held two small medals on it. The chain was still hanging around my neck, but the medals were gone. Another wave of crankiness rolled over me, this time tinged with grief over the loss of my medals, which had far more sentimental than actual value.

Why did that have to happen? What was the likelihood that I will find my medals somewhere, especially since I could have easily lost them in the yard as I walked Honor. All of these things, from the tiny gnats buzzing around my head annoying me to the more substantial issues and challenges that I faced during this day, they all represent the fight with the Balrog as we hurtle toward certain death. Only we, like Gandalf do not die but have the potential to emerge from the exhaustion of the flight and battle to having undergone a transformation. I’d like to think that’s what is happening with me. The “what’s next” after the fight with the Balrog is becoming a newer, stronger, more powerful person than I’d been when I first planted the staff and took the tumble with the demon.

I am grateful for these experiences. A friend calls them a derogatory term that I won’t repeat, but the gist is that, whether we like them or not these are learning experiences that we embrace along the way through the abyss. They provide more practice for me of one of the most difficult yet simple things to do: let go. When I find myself fretting, paying too much attention to the gnats and other distractions in my life, rather than be drawn deeply into the drama as it unfolds around me I need to learn to let go, to detach myself from it and move on. Easier said than done, but definitely worth the effort. It’s a contradiction in terms, making the effort to let go of effort and striving and have things be easy. Spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says, “Nonresistance, nonjudgement, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living.” Wow, I have a little ways to go to try and achieve those things. But, I have plenty of time during my tumble through the various layers of the underworld.

In the meantime, my gratitude practice keeps me firmly connected to what’s important even as I tumble. I am grateful for all of my “learning experiences.” I am most exceedingly grateful for my gratitude practice. And so it is.

Posted in Gratitude, Overcoming Challenges, Perseverance | Leave a comment