Lessons in Gratitude Day 751

Posted on August 3, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight I am grateful to be safe and sound sitting in the living room in the beach house my sister has rented in North Carolina. I drove for six hours, of which the last two were in the dark and in a steady rain. My traveling companions were my younger sister, her two kids, and my four-legged bestie, Honor. We arrived at 10:00 p.m. and were greeted warmly by my sister and brother in law. I am now just getting settled to write at nearly 11:40 p.m. This has been a pretty good day–I did a load of laundry, packed for the trip, cleaned up the kitchen, and just before I left the house to go to work for an event, hauled my bestie into the tub and bathed her. The two kids sharing the back seat with her for the six-hour drive were no doubt grateful for that last action. So tonight as I prepare to rest my weary head after a long day (I woke at 6 a.m. and have gone nonstop since then) I want to offer a few words of simple gratitude.

First, as I mentioned at the top, I am grateful for traveling mercies. Even though we got caught in a little bit of traffic–perhaps an hour’s worth, we still made pretty good time. (It took my sister and her hubby almost twice as long to get here as it took us because of awful, bumper-to-bumper traffic nearly the entire way. Except for the rain, which created terrible visibility at times and lots of standing water, the drive was relatively easy and uneventful. I truly am grateful to have arrived safe and without incident.

I am also grateful for the successful conclusion of a major event at work. Today we had a program celebrating the accomplishments of some two dozen students who successfully completed a five-week program that is coordinated through our office. Events like these remind me why I work in higher education even at times when I find it extremely frustrating. When I see terrific young people excel and grow, I remember why I do the work I do and I am grateful.

Finally, I am so pleased to be spending a part of this week of vacation with two of my three sisters (I look forward to the next event where all four of us spend time together. May it be soon.) The drive down was fun and though there were times when the kids (ages 14 and 12) got a little stir crazy and starting singing silly, goofy, nonsense songs. I recalled traveling with my own children when they were that age and I had to smile. I am looking forward to hanging out with them on the beach this week.

These are all very simple blessings and yet it is the simple blessings that when you sum them all together you end up with a very rich and wonderful life. Tomorrow I hope to sleep in a little bit–we’ll see how that goes. The nice part about being on vacation is being able to take each thing as it comes, hopefully unhurried and peaceful. For that, as well as ocean breezes, conversations and games with the family, and time to refresh a little by myself, I am deeply grateful.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 750

Posted on August 2, 2013 by mtchamblee
It has been a long week of the kinds of ups and downs and side-to-sides that can only come with another wild ride on Mephistopheles the mechanical bull. At least this wasn’t one of those high octane rides when it’s all you can do to hang on for the requisite eight seconds before sailing through the air and either landing in sawdust and padding or landing neatly on your feet or tucking and rolling gracefully up to a standing position. No, this was a slow and steady swinging and swaying, whipping and bucking. I’m a little tired and sore but none the worse for wear. And so here I am at last on Friday, squinting at my computer having left my computer glasses on my desk at work. Good thing I have to go to work tomorrow to participate in an event our office is hosting. Then I will be on vacation, thank the gods.
So because I am exhausted and still have to pack and loads to do either before I sleep or waking at my usual 5:45 a.m., I decided to spin the RNG wheel and let providence select tonight’s lesson in gratitude. Sometimes when I spin the wheel it lands on a posting that isn’t resonating with me and I have to spin it a few more times, or give up on it altogether and write from scratch. Tonight I’m pleased to have landed on one of my favorite topics and the one them about which I’ve written a great deal over the past two years: family. They continue to be a source of joy, strength and connection for me. Enjoy this post from last July 2012.

Tonight I am grateful for my family. I am so fortunate to have siblings who care about me and who care about one another. As I sort through what I need to do in the next few weeks to decide my next move, I have been able to talk through potential scenarios with various members of my family. Some have helped me financially as I’ve navigated through the challenging straits of unemployment and others have offered suggestions, ideas, and help in other valuable ways. I have had moments over the past several months when I wasn’t sure how I was going to “make it,” how I could keep it all together–a roof over our heads, reliable transportation to get Jared and me to work or other places we needed to go, even food in the fridge. I realized that no matter how difficult things might get, I have family who will do whatever they can to assist me or any of my other siblings for that matter.

It has been hard for me to reach out and ask for help. At times it has felt like my current life circumstances have been visited upon me because of decisions I made with my eyes wide open. To some folks watching from the outside they probably didn’t look like the wisest decisions I’d made, still, no one said anything  much about them to me beyond a mild, “Are you sure you want to do that?” And now, when looking back in hindsight at where I’ve landed, no one has said to me, “Well, it’s your own fault you ended up where you are…” Partly that’s really not the Chamblee way–we’re mostly too polite and non-confrontational to say anything like that. But the other thing operating here is that we support one another.

While I’ve rarely had more in the way of financial largesse to offer various members of my family, I have tried to offer support in other ways that I could give, particularly of my time. I am a good listener and, ironically, a good helper for people trying to sort through various issues in their lives. It was why I studied to become a life coach–so much of my life had already been spent guiding, mentoring, and advising people that coaching seemed a natural extension of that. So there have been many times over the past few years when I’ve been able to offer sound, practical, emotional support to one or other of my siblings who needed to talk through some of what was going on in their lives. And I know I’ve made a difference.

I cannot imagine what my life would be like without my siblings. Tonight before I rest my head on my pillow and close my eyes to go to sleep I will pray for each of them, wishing good things for each of them, for their partners and their children. I’ve prayed for them throughout my life, so this is not unusual per se. But tonight, name by name I will bring each individual to mind and heart and offer thanksgiving for who they are. I am grateful and blessed to have them in my life.  I look forward to the day when I can give back to them  for their love and support.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 749

Posted on August 1, 2013 by mtchamblee

“Sometimes fear of the thing is greater than the thing itself.” A very wise quote and an important concept. Okay, so I said the quote, and I can’t take full credit for the concept. It simply means that sometimes I get myself all worked up about something that in the end turns out to be nothing. I can be incredibly gifted at working myself up into a state of anxiety and nerves about something such that days ahead of time I sweat about it. When that something finally comes around it typically has not been nearly as bad as my overactive imagination has made it out to be. I end up marveling over just how much drama and trauma I put myself through by playing out in my head all the various worst-case scenarios that don’t end up happening. Today after yet another experience of having worked myself up over something that turned out to be nothing, I found myself wondering what exactly my problem is. I’ll likely be sorting that one out for the next little while.

I’m grateful tonight for many things, and though I’m a little tired and scatterbrained (relief will do that to you) I want to articulate them for you as best I can. First I am grateful for intuition and discernment. I recently discovered something that made me so angry I could scarcely contain myself: someone had done something behind my back that had the potential to really undermine some important work I was doing and hurt some people I care about in the process. I was so upset I called my sister and railed at her about how bad things were and how I was going to have to tell this person off no matter the consequences. I brooded for days about how I was going to approach the person and tell him what I needed to say. As the time approached I got increasingly anxious about how to approach things, but I felt I needed to stand in the strength of my convictions no matter how uncomfortable I was with conflict and no matter the cost. And then, at the last minute, I decided to retrace my steps and reexamine the “data” I was using as rationale for my argument and realized to my horror that I had made a mistake. When I went back through all the information I had, I discovered that in fact he hadn’t even remotely done what I thought he had and was in essence completely innocent and blithely unaware that I had been about to lower the boom on him.

My intuition caused me to recheck my information before tracking him down and giving him a piece of my mind. It would have been embarrassing at best and could at worst have had some pretty serious consequences. So the second thing I’m grateful for tonight is divine intervention: that little nudge that told me to look again at the situation with fresh eyes and to do that before my conversation. It was and continues to be very humbling to me, as I think about what could have happened. I generally consider myself to be a fair and balanced person who gives people the benefit of the doubt and doesn’t rush to judgment. I found myself thinking the worst about someone in part because that’s what I expected from him, and that’s what people told me to expect from him. Sometimes when we expect something and other people reinforce that we should expect a given thing, then we start looking for it and eventually we’ll see that thing, whether it’s actually there or not. When you go on a witch hunt soon you start seeing witches everywhere.

I am deeply in thought about all of this and oh so grateful to be going on vacation in a few days. I need the break, the first vacation I feel like I’ve had in a few years. I hope to get refreshed enough so I can clear my head, release more of my biases and clear the foggy lenses that keep me from seeing all people in more balanced ways. I’m not going to berate myself for missing signals and misinterpreting the “data” I was reviewing. I will simply be grateful for the lessons I am learning, albeit uncomfortable and sometimes painful ones, and keep moving.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 748

Posted on July 31, 2013 by mtchamblee

This afternoon while I was in a meeting my daughter sent me a text message that I didn’t see until some hours later. She was asking for help with a financial and transportation challenge that needed to be resolved in order for her to complete a trip she’s taking on Friday. It seemed pretty urgent, so when I finally got back to her a few hours later she was already on her way to resolving the situation.

“Here now, do you need me?” I texted her.
“Well, I’ll always need you (smiley face)…I’m okay. I love you mommy.” She texted back. When I asked her if her father was going to pay for it her transport, she replied,
“No, I will. Decided I need to figure more things out on my own.”

Hold that thought.

Tonight I finally decided that I needed to call my life insurance company about a billing glitch they’d made that was going to create problems for me. They have very short hours so I was pleased that I remembered to call before 6 p.m.–usually I am still on the Beltway at 6 p.m. When I picked up the phone to call, there was no dial tone. No dial tone? I sighed, shaking my head at the annoyance and having one of those, “Can a sista catch a break” kind of moments. I walked through the house trying the phones, making sure they were hung up, all to no avail. No dial tone. I went online to the cable company’s website (they also provides my phone service), went to the troubleshooting page and clicked on the “No Dial Tone” button on the page. What followed was about 45 minutes worth of “troubleshooting” that included several trips outside dealing with an external phone box. At one point during this process (as I was outside loosening the screw so I could open the panel) I stopped and thought to myself, “I should write about this in my blog tonight, about how I plunge in and do whatever needs to be done. When I need to get it done, I do it myself.”

I’m grateful once again for the gift, skill, talent, whatever you want to call it of perseverance. I have to think I have buckets of it. When I reflect back over the past two and a half years, and even across the span of my life up to this point, I have drawn upon my innate resilience and powered through whatever the difficulties were. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t sail through the difficulties, I labor through them. I push through. I stand strong in the midst of them. I don’t quit. I cry a lot, I rage against god, I whine and complain. But in the end , I pull myself up onto my feet (figuratively  and sometimes literally) and keep myself moving. From a simple hassle like dealing with no dial tone on my phone, to more serious matters, I persist and do what needs to be done. I think it’s probably hardwired into my DNA or something.

I recall a conversation I had with my brother some 18 months ago while I was in the thick of some major life drama. I wrote about it in my blog that night:

“You know how we are…” and he saluted me, just like the photograph we each have of my father saluting. The photo is situated on a shelf directly across from my bed–I see it when I first wake up and it is one of the last things I see before I go to sleep. “We don’t give up,”he reminded me,then shrugging went on to say,“whether we like it or not, we keep going. It’s who we are.”

My parents had it, as did their parents. I have it, and I see it in my children. Michal’s statement that she needs to “figure more things out on [my] own,” is a testament to her own sense of perseverance and determination. One of my colleagues at work who is doing research on such things calls it “grit,” and while there’s a very descriptive, academic-sounding definition, the bottom line is that people who have grit persist, they persevere against odds and obstacles, and in many cases they not only survive, they excel.

So yes I am grateful to have grit, which the dictionary defines as, “courage and resolve; strength of character.” Sometimes my strength fails me and I want to sit down right in the middle of the drama, to roll over and face the wall, to simply stop. But the wellspring of hope or some related emotion bubbles up giving me enough energy to work up to my knees and from my knees to my feet until I’m standing. And after a moment of standing on those wobbly legs getting my balance back I’m ready to walk on, to keep on going. And for that I am exceedingly grateful.

Dad Salutes

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 747

Posted on July 30, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight was a good one to spin the wheel and see what happened. It landed on a blog from July 19, 2011, a very early blog (Day 20). It is helpful to me to go back and read blogs from those early days because they remind me how much ground I’ve covered in my life, as chronicled through this blog. It and my morning journal, which I started writing in about a month after I started my blog, provide an interesting narrative about what life was like for me during a very rough period in my life. Tonight’s “repurposed” blog reconnects me with my sense of gratitude for (and to) my incredibly wonderful children, both of whom represent two things for which I am most grateful in my life.

The other night I wrote about the love and support I receive from and have for my siblings. I have been blessed over these years to have loving relationships with my immediate family. My Mom and Dad created an environment in which the six of their children could develop and maintain strong relationships with each other. Though my Mom died 16 years ago and Dad just last September, they set an example for me of what family could look like. And though I couldn’t completely follow their example by providing a conventional two-parent home, I think my children have grown into fine young people of whom their grandparents (and their aunts and uncles) would be proud.

I am becoming aware that my relationship with each of my children is evolving to that point where they have ceased to be fully dependent on me in the ways they were when they were young and are now moving toward (trying to think of the right word here…) friendship of a sort. As they have matured into young adults, the nature of our connection is likewise maturing, and it’s manifesting in new and interesting ways.  In the midst of all the life transitions I’ve been going through recently, my son said to me, “You’ve taken care of me my whole life. Now it’s my turn to take care of you.”

This is the first time my son and I have lived alone together–prior to that it had been the three of us: Jared, my daughter Michal, and me.  Then for a few years Jared didn’t live with us and it was just me and Michal. And for a while there were four of us when I was in a relationship. Now once again it’s just me and the kids, and at the moment me and Jared. For me this is an unexpected gift. The transitions and losses of the past few months has yielded an opportunity for me to reconnect with my son, and it is delightful. He is wise and funny and deeply philosophical. He’s had his share of drama over the past few months also, but he has managed it with grace and equanimity. When I periodically feel sad or anxious or freaked out, he offers sound, philosophical advice, and even though I resisted it at first, I now spend more time taking it in. I’m learning a lot about letting go, and one of the things I’ve definitely let go of (mostly anyway) is the Mom knows all attitude I held with him for such a long time. Mom knows a lot and Mom is now also willing to learn from “child.”

It’s taking me a little time to adjust to this idea and to their developing maturity. I’ve known for a while now that my children are increasingly independent (which is the way of things), but now we are reaching that place that I reached with my mother–of friendship, mutual respect, and of course deepening love. There are a few things that haven’t changed. I still like to know where my 23 year old son is when he’s out late (although I no longer nag him to tell me where he’s going.) And even at almost 21, my daughter still checks in regularly with me about what she’s up to and what her plans are for school in the fall (right now she’s back in the Midwest doing an internship.) We are at times still connected at the hip.

I am grateful for the relationships I have with my children. I am becoming more and more willing to learn from them and accept their wisdom and yes, their help on occasion. I am letting drop the old Mom knows all, bears all, does all, can handle anything picture that I held up for them all these years. They’re old enough to be able to deal with the truth that sometimes Mom doesn’t know anything, can’t handle everything, and sometimes just plain old messes up.  My opening myself up to them lets the step in and show what they can do, and we all benefit from it. Interdependence…it’s a beautiful thing.

I continue to be grateful for my connections to my children. They are wise and funny and are continuing to mature into really cool young adults. I suppose I will always worry about them, at least a little, and I’d love to see them “settled,” whatever that means. But I know that they are the only ones who can define what”settled” means to each of them, not my generationally-derived idea of what that looks like. In this moment I look at each of them and am proud of the way they are making their way through the world. It’s definitely not the paths I thought they would take  but I recognize that they are living life on their own terms. And that too, is a beautiful thing.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 746

Posted on July 29, 2013 by mtchamblee

Today I had an ah ha moment, or perhaps it was, as my Aunt Jeanne used to say, and “oh me” moment. I was at a meeting of a large group of people and as is often the practice in certain university settings we were asked to introduce ourselves: name, department and, as a “fun” question, where we would go on vacation if money were no object. Vacation, who said anything about vacation? was my first thought, followed immediately by how much I hate that seemingly innocuous question. I listened as forty-some people announced various locales, some exotic and international (New Zealand, Hong Kong, South Africa) and some less  so (Disney World, a local beach) and was struck by how fortunate, almost privileged some of us were to even ponder even taking a vacation at all, let alone traveling someplace halfway around the world. Some people talked about “going back to Hong Kong” or “returning to Italy because I had so much fun the last time I was there.” It was one of a few reminders I had just today about the various economic realities we all live in and how the things one person may be so casual about are not even remotely in reach of another.

I heard myself telling someone a few minutes after the introductions that there’s a trick I learned about vacations and that as I thought about it, I’d already blown it: the trick is to not let yourself get so burned out and exhausted that you can’t replenish yourself with a week off. Oops. I am probably a few weeks past that particular point of no return. And although it would be optimal to have two weeks off, I am grateful for the one week I’ll be taking off next week.

I plan to spend a portion of it either sitting on the beach or if I’m too exhausted to walk the half block to the seaside, sitting by the pool at the house my sister is renting. I am grateful to my sister and brother-in-law for inviting me to join them for a week at the beach, and oh so very grateful to have the wherewithal to actually be able to drive down there. I’ll be hauling Honor and my younger sister and her two kids. I can hardly wait. I hope I can remain focused on the pile of meetings I have this week and the event that I have to participate in on Saturday afternoon before we head out of town Saturday evening. I have to acknowledge, with some chagrin, that I really have let the batteries run down a little low this time around. Yesterday I wrote about the notion of allowing my “pitcher” to be “just about empty,”and I admit that my energy reserves have perhaps drained a little too much. So the trip to the beach is coming at exactly the right time.

I am coming to understand that to take care of oneself is not being selfish, it’s simply being smart. In order for me to be at my best at for my family, my employer, and for all the people I interact with, I have to take care of myself. I look forward to the opportunity to have a little quiet in which I can relax, read, sleep, and work on my tan. It’s been a really long time since I’ve done something like that, and I am deeply grateful to have the opportunity and the means to be able to do it now. Perhaps too the time away will renew my energy and focus for this gratitude blog. I am hopeful that it will be that brief gust of wind in my sails that will propel me along for weeks and months to come in offering these regular lessons in gratitude. May it be so!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 745

Posted on July 28, 2013 by mtchamblee

Somehow I let the better part of the day get away from me. I got up, wrote in my journal as usual, took care of the dog and other things, had some breakfast, then headed to the grocery store to pick up a few necessities. Other than that and a little bit of reading I really haven’t done much of anything today. For the most part I’ve decided that’s okay. Sometimes I expend too much energy  worrying about all the things I should have done when after a long, draining week what I should have done is what I did: rest.

I find that at times I can be incredibly hard on myself, hold myself to some standard or expectation of behavior that I wouldn’t hold anyone else to and would likely fuss at anyone who tried to hold themselves to. Sometimes my self-talk–the things I say to myself, aloud or inside my head–is unnecessarily harsh, almost mean, and again I realize that if I overheard someone speaking like that to someone I loved, using those terms and that tone of voice, I’d be all over them defending my loved one, or at the very least I’d be escorting my loved one to safety. So why do that to myself?

Tonight I am grateful for the awareness that I need to be much kinder to myself. The world and society around me can sometimes be harsh enough: the cruelties and criticisms from people who make decisions about me simply because of how I appear, the media that holds up images of who’s valued in this society and I don’t see myself in their pictures, and the occasional insensitivities and unconscious digs from people who are acquaintances but don’t really know who I am. Thank goodness for family and close friends who really know me who periodically tell me that I am good and valued and worthy. But I don’t live with them 24-7, I live with me. And so I am aware that somehow in the midst of all the messages that bombard me from all around, I must not only be kind to myself, in my thoughts and actions, but I also need to go out of my way and offer intentional kindness to myself.

Every morning, in one form or another, I offer metta–phrases of goodwill and lovingkindness–for myself and others. May I be filled with lovingkindness. May I be peaceful and happy. May I be safe and protected from harm. May I be healthy and strong in body, mind, and spirit. May I live with joy, ease, and wellbeing, and so forth. I offer them first for myself, then progress through family and loved ones, acquaintances, “enemies,” and eventually for all beings. I’m coming to understand how important it is that I offer goodwill to myself first. If I am not loving myself, offering myself positive and uplifting self-talk, then how can I expect to be able to love and offer good things to others? I can remember during some of my tougher days as a single mom saying to my kids, “Mommy’s pitcher is just about empty. I need to fill it back up so I have more to give.” It’s quite startling to me when I think back on some of the early lessons I shared with my children when I didn’t even realize I was teaching. What I was in essence telling them was to make sure their own “tanks” were filled first before trying to give to someone else. I would do well to heed my own advice.

I am grateful once again for the reminder that I have within me most of the wisdom I need to live a rich, full life. What I need is to begin to ask myself the right questions to tap into it. Think about the self talk that you engage in. Are you speaking to yourself in the same kind and gentle words and tone of voice that you would a beloved friend or a sweet infant or someone you love? It can be difficult when the voices around us are negative to be able to hear the ones that matter: yours, God’s, those of people who love you. This week I challenge each of us to practice being kind to ourselves and pay attention to the impact it has not only on us but on others around us. May we all be free from suffering and the root of suffering. May we know happiness and the root of happiness. May it be so for us all!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 744

Posted on July 27, 2013 by mtchamblee

“To find what one is fitted to do and to secure the opportunity to do it is the key to happiness.” Or so John Dewey said in 1923. I have often pondered the notion of finding out what I am fitted to do. I have known for a long time that I haven’t quite sorted out what I am meant to do. I’ve worked professionally for some 30 years and by some measures I’ve had my share of success; but have I done what I am called to do? Have I fulfilled a purpose for which I was born? Not yet. I am not sure there is a particular thing to which we’re called from the beginning of our lives. The idea of having a singular life purpose is appealing; you simply have to find it and start living in it, start doing it, and you’re living your purpose. I don’t think it’s quite that easy.

I am grateful this evening for the work I have done with people over the years, often talking one-on-one with students, young adults, and even at times people years older than me, helping them make sense of their career paths, helping them to sort out their life purpose. More often than not it’s about learning how to ask the right questions. People mostly have their own answers, it’s simply a matter of learning how to ask the right questions that get them thinking. I’ve been a good question asker for most of my life. Over the years I’ve sharpened and  adjusted the skill and in the process have helped many people think through many challenging life situations. All in all it feels good to have done that, now if only I could do that for myself.

I’ve written a few times on the theme of life purpose. I want to share an excerpt from a blog I posted in April 2012 that speaks to truly finding what one is called to do. It was helpful to me to re-read it, as the idea of “right livelihood” (in terms of what’s right for me, not in the Buddhist sense) has been on my mind a bit lately. Enjoy.

In my journal this morning I spent some time thinking and writing about finding my “right livelihood,”discovering work that aligns with my values and beliefs,draws upon my strengths and talents,and that engages my sense of purpose and passion. This is not necessarily the definition of “right livelihood”in Buddhist tradition,but it is how I am defining it for myself as I think about my “what’s next.”

I’ve written before about the notion of life purpose–of discovering what one is placed on the planet to do:your calling,your reason for being here. When I think about what I will do next to earn a living I am not necessarily anticipating discovering my life purpose or discerning my “calling,” though that would be nice. I think for now I could content myself with finding work that I enjoy doing with people I enjoy working and interacting with on a regular basis, in a location/situation where I am comfortable. I’ve spent a lot of time outlining in more detail what that might actually look like on the ground and am getting a bit clearer on that. The tricky part has been determining  any of the details of the type of organization or institution,the industry  or area of endeavor, the location in the country or any other distinguishing characteristic. In short, I know how what I want to do feels, I just don’t know at the moment what it is I see myself doing.

The educator John Dewey wrote, “To find out what one is fitted to do and to secure the opportunity to do it is the key to happiness.” Based on this idea, one must first discover what one is “fitted to do,” that is, figure out what your skills and strengths are and how those align with what you want to do and what the world needs at the moment. I love the quote by Frederick Buechner that says, “The place where God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.” This too then seems to be an important element in determining what you are “made to do,” understanding the world’s deep hunger–what is it that is needed and how can I bring my gifts to bear on meeting the need? So I know that for myself I need to do some assessment of what I want to do, what I am good at and what my world, the world around me needs. This is easier said than done, but it is definitely a worthy undertaking.

The second part of Dewey’s equation is “securing the opportunity to do it,” finding the position, the job announcement, the internship, the volunteer work, the means by which you can put your talents to work. In other words, “Now that I know why I am here and what the world needs,a ll I need to do is find the position that brings that all together. I would suggest that perhaps the harder work is the business of figuring out the what: what I want to do, what I am good at, etc. and that once that is determined, it is much easier to engage in the how of finding the place to put those talents to work. One can hope anyway.

Tonight I am grateful for the wisdom and patience it is taking me to determine what my calling is, what my gifts are, what my “right livelihood” might look like. My task is not to get bogged down in the hows, but to continue to focus on the whats and let the hows take care of themselves. Another element in this process then is commitment. W. H. Murray spoke directly to this:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back–Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.“

It seems to me then, if I can manage to put all these (and probably many others) in play, I will be moving in the direction of doing work I love that also meets the worlds deep hunger. I am grateful to be in this period of discernment, even though at times seems excruciatingly  slow. Over time the what and where will become clear to me. Until then, I’ll simply have to keep the faith.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 743

Posted on July 26, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight I am grateful for my friends. I have been alive for over 50 years–now closer to 60 than 50 actually–and I am blessed to still have a few friends in my life who go back nearly as far as my family members do. I’m not in touch with some of them as I used to be, and with others, like my childhood friend joHn, I don’t see them face to face very often. I haven’t seen him physically in many years, but we keep in touch through the magic of Facebook and have recently swapped messages back and forth on a wide variety of subjects from music (he’s a singer/songwriter/performer back in our hometown) to current events to where I could live in Ireland if I ever decided to take a break from the US, which at times is sorely tempting.

I have known joHn since I was about five years old–I don’t think we were in kindergarten together, and I can’t remember if he was in Sister Thomas Marie’s first grade class with me or not, but we were for sure best buds on the playground in elementary school. Unlike me, joHn still lives in our hometown; in fact he has returned to live in the house he grew up in, the one I used to ride my bike down to to see if he wanted to play.  There’s something comforting about having old school chums who remember who you are and can reminisce about things very few people can. joHn is such a friend. I wish I knew where my friend Julie was. She’s another elementary school friend whom I haven’t seen or heard from in many years and yet I feel that if I were to find her and send her a quick note we could pick right back up where I left her the last time I visited. I’ve known both of them since I was a small child, they are among those of whom I will always hold fond memories.

Then there’s Pat, my best friend from college, with whom I chat every few weeks or so. We met during my junior year (her senior year) in college and became fast friends in spite of how different our personalities are. We later spent a stretch of time together as single parents–she raising her son and only child and me raising my two kids. We swapped stories, exchanged advice, took our kids on all kinds of excursions together, and leaned on one another for emotional and social support. Nowadays when we talk it’s often for well over an hour, sometimes two, chatting about simple things: family, significant others, work, etc. There’s an easy reliability to my relationship with Pat that’s comfortable and real and I love her like one of my sisters.

I’m fortunate to count my ex-husband among my close friends. We’ve now been divorced for longer than we were married, and managed, through all the difficulties of separation and divorce to weather the initial rocky time of anger and grief through grace and forgiveness now to friends. It was our role as co-parents to our two children that created the opportunity for us to remain connected, as we always will be. By working together to be good parents we were able to put aside the issues that could have crippled our relationship and by extension harmed our children. In the end we’ve been able to build a lasting friendship that each of us values.

I’ve been blessed to have made friends over the years who have enriched and blessed my life. And while my siblings remain the dearest people in my life, along with my children, I count my friends right behind them. As the old song says, “Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other is gold.” So it is with my friends, gold and silver and precious gems. I am deeply grateful to each of them for who they are and who they’ve been in my life. May they all know happiness and the fruits of happiness. So be it!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 742

Posted on July 25, 2013 by mtchamblee

I am rapidly approaching the time when I will stop writing this blog on a daily basis. I’m not quite sure when it’s going to be but my promise to those of you who read this regularly is to let you know it’s coming rather than simply and abruptly ending. Sooner or later all things must come to an end, and even as I find myself contemplating the end of Lessons in Gratitude as a daily blog I find myself wondering what I will do with myself when I’m no longer writing it each day. In many ways the discipline of writing every day has been helpful; especially during the period when I was unemployed then underemployed. In those days one of the challenges was to search through the difficulties that were plaguing my life in 2011 and find the kernels of gratitude, the insights and wisdom that I found during that time in my life. I reasoned that, no matter what was happening in my life, no matter how difficult and painful the days, I could always find something to be grateful for. And I have.

Seeking and finding things to be grateful for each day is a lot easier than trying to write about it. I am quite amazed and gratified that I’ve been able to keep doing it for so long. Simply put, I am exhausted and sometimes the only thing that keeps me writing night after night is the encouragement I get here and there from readers asking me to stick with it. I am grateful for those days when I am inspired to write, have a theme in mind and can flow right into it. More nights than not these days I labor to find the theme, the angle from which I am going to write. An organized person would probably write three or four blogs in one sitting and post them one after another. I was thinking about this approach as I cooked myself dinners to easily get through the week and put some in the freezer as well. But as much as I struggle to find one theme each night, I’m not sure I could come up with three or four no matter how energized I am feeling. My greatest concern is that in seeking to please others, I am no longer writing for myself and the quality of the writing and the integrity of the message will be lost. That wouldn’t be good for any of us. So we shall see.

Tonight I am putting out a call for guest bloggers for L.I.G. My daughter has already guest blogged for me a number of times, and my sister Ruth tried her hand at a it a few weeks ago. In the days and weeks ahead I am hoping to attract a few people to write on something they are grateful for. Surely in the two years since I began writing this blog I’ve inspired someone else who would be willing to share a few thoughts about what they are grateful for. If you’re interested in writing a piece, you can write to me at mtchamblee@walkinyourpower.com or private message me on Facebook.

I am grateful for the perseverance and persistence that I’ve had over this time that has allowed me to write most fervently about what I am grateful for. Through good and bad times, happy and difficult ones I have written about gratitude and the lessons I’ve learned from opening my heart and working my way through the challenges. Now I am working on my exit strategy for completing this phase with as much grace and gratitude with which I entered it. I’m going to keep writing for the foreseeable future (heck even the next five minutes aren’t foreseeable!) Thanks to each of you for your faithful readership. If any of you is interested in writing, let me know. I’ll be happy to work you into the rotation. Until then, I will in gratitude, keep writing lessons.

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