Lessons in Gratitude Day 262

Posted on April 1, 2012 by mtchamblee

Today dawned clear and bright and cool. After a stormy couple of days it was nice to see the sunshine and blue skies to begin the new week. The past week produced many opportunities for gratitude and I look forward to many more in the week ahead. I spent a fair amount of time today talking on the phone catching up with a best friend who’s been going through a lot in her life and with a relative who likewise has experienced a variety of emotional challenges. What impressed me about each of them is their ability to maintain some sense of equanimity throughout all that is going on. Equanimity is one of those qualities that is absolutely essential in navigating through life’s struggles. I’ve been working to cultivate it myself, and when one has multiple upheavals over a period of time, one definitely has the opportunity to do a lot of cultivation.

In keeping with the cultivating theme, as a long time gardener I can’t resist thinking about my gardens past and present. Several years ago back in Michigan, I tended to two rather large garden plots. I grew vegetables and herbs–various types of beans, all kinds of peppers, corn, peas, sunflowers, cabbages, lettuces, onions, pumpkins, tomatoes, zucchinis and other squashes, not to mention sage, thyme, oregano, chives, tarragon, etc. I loved gardening. For a while the gardens were neat, relatively weed free, carefully fenced to keep the critters out, and beautiful to behold. Then life got a bit more hectic: my job was more demanding, my kids were getting older and school activities were picking up, and my marriage was starting to unravel. I kept gardening, but eventually moved from two down to one plot, and each year as my life challenges increased, the size, quality, and appearance of my garden declined until finally I only had one small, wildly overgrown herb garden. I haven’t raised a healthy vegetable garden in many years. It’s something I aim to get back to someday.

These days I’ve been cultivating a different kind of garden. The struggles of  the last year caused me to begin planting and growing gratitude, generosity, perseverance and resilience, grace and equanimity, compassion and other vital life qualities. I’ve been breaking up the hard, rocky soil of grief and loss, pulling out the weeds of unemployment, loneliness, and depression, and washing off the leaf-chomping, root destroying pests of fear, frustration and anxiety to produce the conditions that will bear fruits and flowers of joy, peace, kindness, contentment, and love. Anyone who’s ever gardened, particularly on a large scale knows that it can be hot, tiring, gritty, back and joint aching work. Sometimes the weeds and bugs look like they’re taking over and the weather can be wholly uncooperative. It can be solitary  and thankless work, if like me you’re out there by yourself. And you have to be at it nearly every day because if you miss a few days of work all kinds of crazy things can pop up. Kind of makes you wonder why you planted it all in the first place. But then there’s the satisfaction and pure joy of harvesting, preparing and eating the fruits of all that work that  makes every bit of it worthwhile. And you get to share the goodies with the people around you–family, friends, neighbors all get to partake of the good things that you produced.

I work hard at cultivating those qualities that will bring more joy, ease and wellbeing into my life. It is not easy. Sometimes I water the garden with tears, sometimes I watch the tender plants wither in the heat or get hit with an unexpected frost or decimated by insects and I have to start all over again. But I know that at the end of this comes the sweet payoff, so I take my pain reliever, pull my gloves and hat back on, step into my boots and get back out there. And when the day is done, I’ll sit out back and sip lemonade and look over all that I’ve accomplished and say like God did, “It is good.”

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 261

Posted on March 31, 2012 by mtchamblee

In my journal this morning I wrote about wanting to have a productive day today. I mused about what that might look like and wondered if I’d end the day with a sense of accomplishment, of having gotten some things done. As I reflect on it now (it’s after 9 p.m. here on the west coast) I reckon I got enough done to say I accomplished something. I had a few things on my to-do list that I was able to cross off, and a few others that remain uncompleted. I hope I will get to a few of those tomorrow. I am grateful for what I did accomplish today, though I must confess to feeling a bit dissatisfied at the close of the day.

So tonight I will offer some very simple gratitudes–things that have crossed my mind over the course of this day for which I am grateful.

  • I’m grateful for the rain that poured down last night and this morning. It knocked out our power for a bit, but nothing critical was disturbed in the process. We’ve needed the rain and snow in the mountains to help us catch up to our normal level of precipitation. Earlier this month we were at less than 50 percent of normal. We still have a way to go to get our rainfall totals up; we probably won’t get to 100 percent, but every little bit helps.
  • I’m grateful for having the opportunity to spend one more day with my daughter. At one point she’d contemplated driving back up to school today but in a rare moment of asking for what I want/need, I asked her if she would be willing to stay and leave tomorrow (Sunday) instead of today. She agreed to stay and we’ve had a good day. We didn’t do anything particularly special, we did exciting things like go to the grocery store and eat brunch and dinner together (both of which Michal prepared) and watch a funny moving together. (It was a lot of fun watching and laughing throughout the film. I realized yet again how much I need to laugh, a lot more often.
  • I am grateful for some financial help I received in the mail today. I have an angel who has helped me over the past several months. Without her assistance, things would be incredibly tight and I would be unable to meet some of my obligations. I look forward to the time that’s coming soon when I will be earning income from meaningful work and can begin to return her generosity back in some way to her as well as paying it forward by helping someone else. I look forward to being able to stand on my own two financial feet. Until that manifests, I am grateful for her willingness to help me.
  • I am grateful for my bookend writing practices. In my morning journal I write what’s on my heart as I prepare to face the unfolding of a new day and at the end of the day I write this blog as a means of recalling and recounting those things for which I am grateful.
  • I am grateful for the wealth that I do possess. True wealth is much more than possessing financial means. I might have some financial struggles that keep me awake at night sometimes, but the truth is I am incredibly blessed simply to be able to do that things I’ve been able to do with relatively limited means. I am fortunate to have spiritual wealth even if I don’t currently have much in the way of financial wealth. I have family and friends whom I love and who love me. These are riches as much as anything else.
  • I am grateful for the strength and perseverance that runs through my blood from my family and ancestors before me. I come from strong roots. We know how to stand strong in the face of challenges, but also to reach out for support when we can’t do it alone.

I look forward to putting my head down on my pillow to rest this evening. I have one last errand to run before I can do that then it’s lights out. Tomorrow I’ll rise early and start my day writing before moving onto the next items on my agenda. I am grateful to everyone who joins me each day to reflect on moments of gratitude  May you know happiness and the causes of happiness. So may we all!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 260

Posted on March 30, 2012 by mtchamblee

It has been a good week. My daughter has been visiting here on spring break from school where she is in the last six weeks before she graduates. These last four years, like the many preceding them have flown by, and this once terribly shy, sweet little girl is a poised, confident young woman about to take the next steps into adulthood. She’s moving away from “home” and heading off to graduate school in pursuit of her “what’s next.” I am grateful to have been able to spend this week with her because the way time is hurtling past, before I know it I’ll be wiping my eyes at her commencement ceremony in May. I’m reminded of a commercial slogan many years ago, “You’ve come a long way, baby.” And that’s certainly true of Michal.

I’ve been thinking a bit about the transition that she and I will make when she heads off to school. For the first time we will be separated by a significant distance that’ll be too far for me to drive to. I’d like to pretend that it’ll be a big adjustment for her, but the truth is it’ll affect me just as much or more. It is the protective parent in me that will have a hard time letting go (see the part in yesterday’s blog about letting go of my children) and not being close by to react, to help, to be there if she needs something. As a parent I knew this day was coming, but it has sort of snuck up on me. The memories are still fresh for me of watching her get on the bus for her first day of school, then jumping into my car so I could zoom over to the school to videotape her getting off of the bus and lining up with the other kindergartners. Now in a few short weeks I’ll be videotaping her walking across the stage getting her bachelors degree. This will be a surreal experience. Another one.

I have a young friend who recently gave birth to a baby girl. She lives out of state, so I watched her chronicle her experiences of pregnancy and childbirth through social media (Facebook and blog.) I wanted to say something to her about what it’s like having a daughter, how it affects the way you feel about so many things. But I found I couldn’t really articulate it to her and I am not doing much better with that now. There was the me before I had kids and the me afterward and very few people who know the before and after fully know the impact that being a mother has had on my life. In some ways, I’m sure my story is no different than that of a lot of other parents. But it is my story and I’m grateful that I helped two incredible beings incarnate on the planet at this time. The world is richer and I am richer for having my two kids in it.

I have been doing a bit of genealogy work lately and am excited to be working with a few of my distant cousins to figure out who my people are and where I come from. I want to be able to give this gift to my siblings who have lived many of these stories with me, but more so to give it to my children who have not. Every day I look at the picture of my father saluting me from the bookshelf in my bedroom. For some reason it is comforting to see his face and remember him. Through all that is happening in my life, I need only look at each of my children, speak with any of my siblings, and salute my father to remember what is important. Family.

My Dad and My Daughter

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 259

Posted on March 29, 2012 by mtchamblee

I am grateful for every moment I get to spend with my kids. They are almost grown now (they would undoubtedly say that they are grown) and so I savor the times I have with them even when those times are difficult. This morning the three or us went out to breakfast together and I thoroughly enjoyed the time I was able to spend hanging out with them. As Michal prepares to move on to graduate school in Washington State and I sort out what I’m doing next, as Jared is also doing, I realize that the times we’re able to be together like this are going to become rarer and of shorter duration. So for now I’ll take all of what I can get when I can get it.

I am grateful for being able to recognize the specialness of moments like today’s breakfast while they’re happening. You’re in the moment, fully present and enjoying what’s happening. You look over at your friend, your child, you parent or partner, a colleague and you know that something really good is happening. You know you were meant to be there in that place with that person at just that moment and it was special. That was what happened at breakfast; nothing extraordinary, just time spent talking and laughing and sharing time together. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

It’s another late evening after a long day. I am once again exceedingly tired and will take my leave soon. It’s hard to believe that March is over. The time continues to fly by showing no signs of slowing and in fact seems to be speeding up. Given that reality (I’m hardly the only one who feels that we’re picking up speed, hurtling into the future) it’s even more important that we slow down and take the moments we have to enjoy the company of people we love or enjoy being around. Or, if we find ourselves somehow estranged from others, to perhaps find a way to move back toward them, toward reconnecting. It’s been in the back of my mind to do just that with someone I was once close to but have become more distant from. There was no major falling out or drama between us, I simply think we got busy with our lives and somehow forgot how to connect with each other. I hope we can find a way through to at least becoming easy around one another again. It might not be easy, but it’s definitely worth a try.

So I guess that makes me grateful this evening for relationships that I have with all kinds of people. I look forward to strengthening those connections over time to the benefit of us all. Who are you grateful for this evening? I’ll close with a verse from a song I wrote called, “Letting Go.”

I watch my children and I see how fast they grow.
Each day brings me closer to the time I’ve gotta let ’em go.
But until then I hug them and I bless them and I love them and I let them know
That I’ll hold on tight and won’t let go.
Cause people come in our lives and for a while they stay,
But they’re not ours to keep, we let ’em go, we give them away.
So we’ve gotta make the best we can of each and every day,
Cause all too soon we know we’ll face another time of letting go.
Words and music by M. T. Chamblee, © 1996

© M. T. Chamblee, 2012

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 258

Posted on March 28, 2012 by mtchamblee

Oh my, the day is over and I am tired. It started at 5:48 this morning (what can I say, that’s when I woke up) and will likely conclude some time around 11. In between I’ve driven around various parts of the Bay area (including a morning trip into San Francisco for work), did my usual 3.5 hour shift at the Berkeley Food Pantry and then, ironically, went to see the film “The Hunger Games” at the cinema. Now I am home, fairly exhausted, contemplating the things I am grateful for this evening. I am grateful to be home sitting next to my daughter (both of us on our laptops) each of us working on some project or other–me on this blog and her on some other form of electronic media. We had a nice air-clearing conversation earlier this evening. Michal expressed some issues and concerns she’d had for a little while; we’ve had a number of intense and difficult interactions over the past few weeks and she needed to tell me how she was feeling. I’m grateful that she had the courage to bring up things that were on her heart and I was able to do so without my feeling defensive or guilty or other equally useless emotions. We’ve come a long way together, she and I.

I am not going to write much tonight except for a few simple gratitudes. I am grateful for the nice weather today. After a couple of really heavy rain days, I’m glad the sun was out today, particularly for the clients of the Food Pantry. When it rains, particularly as hard as it rained yesterday, it creates real havoc for the people coming to receive food and at least a few challenges for those of us who distribute it. I was happy that the weather cooperated. I am grateful for the smooth flow of the work at pantry and the patience and good humor of everyone involved in the process. People come there because they are in some need, but that doesn’t make them needy. It’s a pleasure serving people in this way and I’m grateful to be able to participate.

I am grateful for music. I love to listen to all kinds of music and I also love to create it. The other night when I was writing this blog I remembered a gospel song that I love that speaks to bringing a spirit of gratitude. And while I try not to spend a lot of space speaking in religious terms, some religious music form me transcends doctrines and dogmas and religiosity and touches those places in us that are and that resonate with the divine. I have included a link to this old song by the Walter Hawkins family titled “Be Grateful” Enjoy.

Thank you for reading and for being a part of this journey and the daily exercise in gratitude.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 257

Posted on March 27, 2012 by mtchamblee

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”

From “The Summer Day” by Mary Oliver

Tonight I was feeling some Mary Oliver and thinking about her rhetorical question. But then, is it rhetorical or have I merely rendered it that? Perhaps I have spent too much time mired in the practicality and predictability of modern adult life to consider my life either wild or precious. Perhaps it’s time to change that.

It is a perfectly good time for me to be pondering this question. Having been in transition for some months now I definitely have been in the planning life mode. What am I going to do to earn my livelihood? Where am I going to live? How am I going to create more connection and community with people so I don’t live in isolation? These are all related to the planning part. Sometimes I feel like I’ve gotten too busy with the day-t0-day crunch of surviving that I haven’t carved out enough time to truly sit and contemplate the “what’s next” in my work life, let alone spend time planning and taking considered, measured action toward the plan. My process has been a bit more helter-skelter than that. Envision, plan, do, assess, re-envision seems like a reasonable cycle for moving through one’s life. Unfortunately for me sometimes I jump from envision to take action without bothering to plan or jump around the circle in somewhat random fashion. Or I might spend a really long time in planning and and not doing a whole lot of taking action.

In the scheme of things, what has this to do with anything? Well, if I am pondering what I plan to do with my one wild and precious life then I could easily focus my time an energy on the planning part, when what might really be much more intriguing is the wild and precious part. In fact I have lived a fair chunk of my life doing the right things, playing by the rules that have been laid out for me by family, by society, by church, by the government, etc. There hasn’t been much room for wild and precious.

So yes, I am in a space where planning is important, but the wild and precious is there, hovering at the periphery just on the fringes of my vision. After 50 plus years of living a tame and domesticated life how does one capture the wild and precious? When one knows within oneself that they are called to be different, to live a larger, less careful, perhaps even unplanned and unpredictable, life how does one escape the bounds of safety and predictability to stretch toward the wild and precious? Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Easy for you to say, Ralph. I say to myself. But of course I have no idea whether it was easy for him at all. What I do know is this: there can be a cost to taking a different path, to deviate from plans that were laid out for you, to diverge from the carefully laid out road. Sometimes I feel I’ve done this my whole life.

So now as I continue to contemplate what I plan to do with my one wild and precious life, it is no wonder that  am dissatisfied with the planning I’ve been doing. It is solidly situated in the safe and sound. So the task is in part to figure out how to venture out a bit away from the shores of safety without totally plunging into the perils of the rapids. After all, it’s for each of us to figure out for ourselves what “wild and precious” means to us. I’m starting to think I need to figure that out.

Joseph Campbell put it famously when he first used the expression “Follow your bliss.”

“If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are — if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.”

I am grateful this evening for contemplation and reflection. In another life I might have been a monastic spending time in retreat or a naturalist like Thoreau spending significant time outdoors, writing and thinking. I am grateful for the time I spend reflecting on the blessings in my life and sharing my thoughts with those who are interested enough to spend a little while with me. This is a journey we’re all on in some form or another. I am happy to share mine with you and to hear from you what you’re learning on yours. Good luck as you ponder for yourself what you plan to do with your one wild and precious life.

© M. T. Chamblee, 2012

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 256

Posted on March 26, 2012 by mtchamblee

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step,” according to Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu. Some days I feel like I have a thousand miles to go to get where I want to be and taking that one step at a time makes for a really long trip. I’ve been pretty tired lately, feeling like I’m burning the candle at both ends and the middle all at the same time. This is, of course, a fairly dramatic metaphor but it captures what I’m feeling at the moment. In spite of being tired, however, I am grateful. Because even when things feel hard and like I am teetering on the edge of a cliff, the truth is I am held and supported in the sweetest and most unexpected ways.

I was remarking to my daughter tonight that we are blessed, often in small ways. When I am up against deadlines and faced with situations that can at times make me feel like I’m coming unglued, some small thing will happen or fall into place or come in the mail that is just enough to solve the issue at hand. I don’t get huge windfalls (not yet, anyway), but I get what I need just about exactly when I need it. This is a wonderful and nearly miraculous thing. The old gospel song says, “He (G0d) may not come when you want him, but he’s right on time.” The sentiment is that sometimes things don’t come through when and how we want them to, but they do come through. That has been true throughout my life and is true for me now. Remembering this keeps me from panicking for the most part (I still do have my moments, of course) and moving forward as best I can every day. I am grateful for the many ways, great and small, that I am cared for every day.

I spoke via Skype with my brother the other night. When I asked him how he was doing he rubbed his hands over his tired eyes and said, “You know, I don’t have anything to complain about. I am grateful…” We talked then a bit about gratitude and he echoed the sentiment I’ve shared so often in this blog that each one of us, no matter our circumstances, can find one thing each day for which we are grateful. One thing. If I had one of those small handheld clickers that help people keep count of things and I clicked it once every time I recognized something I am grateful for in a given day, I wonder what my count would be at the end of the day. I would have to say dozens and could even hazard a guess that it could be hundreds of things. When I wake up in the morning (click that I woke up |) in a relatively comfortable bed (click for the bed | and warm blankets |), swung my feet to the floor and sat up (click for mobility of my legs, feet and body that I could sit up |||), stand and walk to the bathroom (can see to get to the bathroom | where there’s indoor plumbing |) and let’s not forget that I have a roof over my head that protects me from the elements (|) …you get the point. I wouldn’t be able to keep track of it all. So I don’t try to keep track of them all, but you’d best believe I make sure to keep track of some of them. Every day.

I wonder what it would take to create a gratitude revolution? Perhaps it is as simple as my asking everyone I meet, “What are you grateful for today?” I wonder if I would have the nerve to do that. I wonder if people would be willing to take the time to answer. I’m not yet pledging to start the gratitude revolution, or at least not to asking everyone I encounter to share with me what they are grateful for. Still, it might be an interesting experiment. I wonder how many people after a while would say, “Uh oh, here she comes again, that gratitude lady. She’s weird!” I just wonder…Perhaps I’ll start a gratitude revolution. I’ll post it on Facebook and ask my daughter to “tweet” about it. What if we all went around with clickers or notepads or something and wrote down everything we were grateful for over the course of a day and wrote down what people told us when we asked them what they were grateful for. And what if we did a snowball thing where we asked each person who we asked to ask two or three other people. It could go viral. In a world so dominated by bad news these days, imagine what a gratitude revolution could do for our collective psyches. I just might have to get this thing started. Care to join me?

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 255

Posted on March 25, 2012 by mtchamblee

I am grateful for everyone who reads this blog on a regular, periodic or semi-occasional basis. Sometimes I hear from people whom I had no idea were reading this. They report that they benefit a lot from these daily musings. That gladdens my heart and gives me the energy to keep writing when I don’t feel like it. I post a link to this blog on my Facebook page–it’s the only way I “advertise” it. Some of my Facebook “friends” are people whom I have never met except through some of the games I play. I call them my “game friends” and I thought they could only access limited aspects of my page, but apparently they get the status updates on which I post this blog. And darned if they aren’t reading it. Thank you!

One of the things I plan on doing over the next few weeks is to invite some of you readers of Lessons in Gratitude to write some of your own reflections as “guest” bloggers. If you have been inspired to think more about the things you’re grateful to have in your lives, I welcome you to write some thoughts or comments. It doesn’t need to be an entire blog–it need not be longer than a few sentences if you feel inclined to share. I know that at least a few readers are willing to write a few paragraphs as I do each night, while others might choose to contribute in a smaller way. What’s important to me is that you feel that this is a welcome space for you to share a few moments of gratitude with me and the other faithful followers of this blog. If you want to contribute, email me your reflections at mtchamblee@walkinyourpower.com. I’ll post it in an upcoming blog. Whether you choose to share, I thank you for your continued reading and hope you are finding your own ways of practicing gratitude.

I am also grateful this evening for reconnecting with an old friend and coworker this morning. He’s out here from Michigan attending a conference. I hadn’t spoken to him in a number of years, and except for the occasional two-sentence exchanges on Facebook and the occasional email, I hadn’t caught up with him. It was good hearing about his life, what he’s been up to, what he hopes to do next. We laughed and reminisced about many of the people we’d worked with and where they were and what they doing now. He also shared with me some of his concerns and life challenges and I was able to do the same. We both congratulated one another for our ability to stand strong in the face of difficulties and encouraged one another to continue to be strong.

Friends can be such an important resource, I am exceedingly grateful that through difficult times over the past few years I have been able to reach out to various friends and they reach back. I have long known how to be a friend, it can be a lot harder to let someone be a friend to me. I am grateful that I have learned to open up and let people in more easily than I used to and that I now reach out more often and ask for help than before. It goes back to learning how to receive from others rather than to primarily be a giver, and rather than this being embarrassing or shame-inducing, it is a sign of strength and clarity of mind to know what one needs and to ask for it. I still have a ways to go in this department, but am learning every day.

It was great visiting with my friend today. I don’t plan on letting a lot of time go by without checking back in and keeping up with him.  Increasingly I find myself unwilling to lose track of people. I have friends scattered in various parts of the country. They are in my heart, my thoughts and my prayers more than they can imagine. Maybe I’ll send some of them a little note and let them know that and how grateful I am to have them in my life. And I need to get on the phone and check in with my siblings to let them know I am thinking about them as well. Yes, they are constantly in my thoughts, but unless they’re mind readers they won’t know that. It reminds me of the line from a James Taylor song, “Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel. Things are going to be much better if you only will.”  I think I will!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 254

Posted on March 24, 2012 by mtchamblee

Today has been a slow, lazy, nice kind of day. It’s been rainy and somewhat dreary today–perfect sleeping weather and though I rose early to write this morning, I was able to drowse later in the day, nodding off a few times with my computer on my lap. (I don’t recommend this.) I daresay I’ve needed the rest, but now a wee bit of guilt has crept in about what I didn’t get done today. I’m sure if I wait long enough it will pass–the guilt I mean. I will add it to my to-do-list for tomorrow and hope I manage to get a little bit of it done. I am grateful nonetheless for the relatively leisurely pace of the day.

My daughter is home visiting for her spring break this week. This morning we went grocery shopping. The larder had been pretty empty, and I figured we’d go together and plan our meals and shop accordingly. To my surprise, at the checkout she pulled out her card and paid for the groceries. This was an unexpected and much appreciated gesture on her part and provides me with two opportunities gratitude: first for her generosity in picking up the tab for the groceries and second for my being able to receive the gift of her generosity with relative grace. Receiving hasn’t been particularly easy for me; neither has its near cousin called “asking for help.” I had not been very practiced at either, so to be able to express my appreciation without embarrassment or guilt shows some growth in this area.

Being on the receiving end of such care from my children has taken some getting used to. My son, who has contributed financially to keeping a roof over our heads during my time of unemployment, said to me one time “Mom, you’ve taken care of me my whole life. Now it’s time for me to take care of you.” Today my daughter said something about taking care of me as I get older. Of course from my perspective I am still a bit young to be taken care of by my children; though I must confess there are times when I find the idea quite appealing. Both of them still need to launch into their own lives and do all the cool things that twenty-somethings need to do to establish themselves, then they can talk about taking care of their mother. Meanwhile I have some plans to return to a position where I am once again wholly taking care of myself. In the meantime, I will continue to practice gratitude in receiving the support they offer from time to time, as Michal did today with the groceries. (She also fixed dinner this evening which was completely lovely.)

I am grateful for and proud of who my children are growing up to be. While each is very different from the other, they both share some very fine qualities that make them pretty special human beings. I see similar qualities in my nieces and nephews as they too reflect the values, upbringing, and “home training” instilled in them by my siblings. While we are all far from perfect and definitely have not parented perfectly, we can look across the spectrum of the next generation of young people and feel pretty good about the future of the family. Reviving all my genealogical research over the past days in particular has me looking back in time and into the future as I think about who “my people” were, where they cam from, what they endured, and how what I learn about them informs what I am seeing in my children and my siblings and their children. It’s all quite fascinating. I am grateful as I have often said, for my family. And the more I study the wider family with all their foibles and secrets, successes and failures, the better I understand about myself. I look forward to what I uncover in the days and months ahead.

© M. T. Chamblee, 2012

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 253

Posted on March 23, 2012 by mtchamblee

Ah the close of another day, one filled with little moments of grace, strength and protection, love of family and canine companions, wonderful spring sunshine and flowers and flowering shrubs and trees opening to the spring sun and rains. Let’s see, what can I find to be grateful for?

I am grateful for optimism. I hadn’t really considered myself much of an optimist. Though by no means have I ever considered myself a cynic, I placed myself somewhere around realist pragmatist tending a little toward pessimism. But oddly it has been through the hard times of the past 12 to 15 months that I have found an almost ridiculous sense of optimism. My new motto has become, “We’ll figure it out.” It usually has to do with something that’s going to require financial means that at that moment I’m not quite sure we have or where we’re going to get it. It used to be my way of stalling because I really had no idea how we were going to do whatever it was that needed to be done. But that simple statement of faith has tended to become reality. We have figured it out on many occasions. Many days it hasn’t been pretty, but it’s been present, and that’s all that matters.

This is not magical thinking. Every time I’ve said, “We’ll figure it out” we did just that; thinking through/taking action on ideas and strategies to do whatever “it” was that needed to be worked/figured out. Put more plainly, we didn’t wait around for something to happen, we figured it out. If that meant asking someone for help, I asked. If it meant figuring out a different way of doing something or deciding what we could do without to help us save what we needed, we did that.  So “we’ll figure it out” has become a sort of optimistic self-fulfilling prophecy. It’s definitely something I plan to keep working on.

Neuroscientists believe that we can actually “sculpt” our brains; that when we put our minds toward thinking a certain way we can alter our brains and all kinds of things around us. (I have to do much more reading on this so I sound a bit more articulate about it than I am right now.) A group of neuroscientists have spent time studying spiritual leaders like the Dalai Lama and others and are learning that people who spend time in meditation particularly those cultivating compassion toward others activate certain centers in the brain that bring about a lasting sense of wellbeing. I am all for sculpting my brain by being mindful and intentional about the things I am putting my mental and emotional energy toward. Rather than expending it in anxious fretting about what were going to do or how we’re going to get out of a difficult situation, etc. I can choose to say with a sense of hope and optimism, backed by appropriate action (“right effort”) “we’ll figure it out” and expect that’s exactly what’s going to happen. So far it seems to be working.

I said the other day that practicing gratitude is like lifting weights–as we get stronger we add heavier weights and get stronger (and more sculpted). Likewise cultivating optimism, generosity, compassion, joy, equanimity and other attributes require exercise. Much of this begins with the intentions we hold. When I intend to be more grateful, optimistic, generous, compassionate, joyous, equanimous, etc. and take steps that move me in those directions, I can’t help but strengthen myself in those areas. I am slowwwwwlllllyyyy moving toward a place of deepening this understanding and just barely scratching the surface of cultivating a meditation practice that will take me where I want to go. For now I am very much in the “figure it out stage” in this and so many other areas of my life. What I am learning very clearly is that panicking is a waste of energy and time. Saying to myself, even when I barely believed it, “this is going to work out” has happened almost every time. And when what I wanted didn’t work out in the way I had originally wanted it to, it sometimes turned out better than I’d planned.

If you’d have told me I’d be at a place where almost every day is an adventure or a mystery waiting to unfold rather than a systematic, organized, I-know-what’s-going-to-happen-next phenomenon, I’d have said you were crazy, that I didn’t know how to live spontaneously and carefree particularly around important matters like relationships, employment, and finances. But I am learning a lot about planning without being attached to the plans or the outcomes, that it is alright to not know what’s going to happen or what needs to happen next. Because when things don’t go exactly as planned or something unexpected comes up that throws everything up in the air, I’m learning to say, “That’s okay, we’ll figure it out.”

© M. T. Chamblee, 2012

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