Lessons in Gratitude Day 641

Posted on April 15, 2013 by mtchamblee

I am trying to find my words. They’re in there somewhere, tied up in the various synapses of my brain waiting for the brain to signal my fingers to hit the keys of the computer so these thoughts can coalesce into words that will find their way to the keyboard and onto the screen. Not finding them would mean staring at the blinking cursor on the blank page and not have anything worthwhile to say. I am starting over an hour late because I spent that time (almost 90 minutes) talking to my good friend Mary, one of my California friends with whom I haven’t spoken for a few months. It was good catching up with her, though much of what she had to tell me about was about some significant challenges she’s facing at her workplace (my former workplace…)

I realize as I reflect on this day just passed just how many conversations I’ve had in this day alone with people who are struggling with workplace issues. They are all hardworking and determined to bring excellence and quality to everything they do. This have less to do about how much they enjoy what they’re doing and everything about how they do what they do. It seems from talking to people, and from my own experience, that they are facing everything from workplace bullies who by force of will, threats and bad behavior get people to do what they want them to do to coworkers with limited skills and talent who connive, steal, and maneuver their way into positions of authority over creative, honest, hardworking people. There appears to be some imbalance, and while the statistician voice in my head says that my “n” is low (I’m hearing this from a handful of people) and that I perhaps need to get a larger sample size, I feel like what I’m hearing is not an aberration, but a trend.

I find myself thinking and talking about how we can go about creating spaces in our various workspaces where people trust and depend on one another as colleagues and coworkers and where collaboration and synergy, creativity and collective good thinking and effort all come together naturally. We spend most of our lives at work, if we’re fortunate we enjoy what we’re doing, who we’re working with, and where we’re doing it. Some people think this is a fantasy, but I wonder why this seems like the impossible dream.

I am grateful to work in a place where I am directly involved in helping to co-create a space in which people value one another as human beings and colleagues and in turn feel valued. We have definitely not arrived; there are a number of hiccups, false starts, and bumps in the road that give me pause at times. But these are to be expected when you have a large staff with a lot of strong personality dynamics and past history that has led to some of trust issues. And yet for some reason I remain undaunted: there’s so much potential in this group of people to do phenomenal things that we have to figure out how to create opportunities for these things to happen. We’ll get there.

This is a simple gratitude: for good, honest, hard work with good people. I have to believe that good things are in store for all of us who are suffering and struggling in employment situations that are challenging at best. Nevertheless, I bet we can look around not very far and find people who are doing great work and bringing their best to work every day in spite of a less-than-supportive environment. These are the people who give me hope, and why I get up in the morning and go to work myself. We have the ability to transform the world–I know, it sounds a little corny, but then most expressions of faith do. So my plan is to put my shoulder to the wheel and push.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 640

Posted on April 14, 2013 by mtchamblee

Today has been a really good day. I am grateful to have spent the entire day away from my house engaging in a variety of activities, most of which were outside in the wonderful spring weather and all of which involved family. Honor and I ventured forth from the house at around 10:30 this morning and returned at around 8:30 this evening. We started the day hanging out with one my sisters; I was helping her develop plans for her vegetable garden and offering my sage advice on what she should plant where and when. She and I then drove over to a local high school soccer field to watch our younger sister’s daughter play soccer. I was pleased to watch her play–it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her and to make it even better, she scored the tying goal. Her team won 2 to 1. After the soccer match we went back to M’s house to finish the garden plan. She still has a few decisions to make before purchasing seeds and plants and doing all the planting. I would have loved to join her in the planting, but it’s for her summer home several hundred miles away and I’m not likely to be able to take time off to go help with the planting. A few hours later I was at my sister Ruth’s (the “soccer mom”) house for dinner. I have a open invitation for Sunday dinner and it has now become a highlight of my week to spend that time with her and her family.

I am glad to be part of a large family. I suppose large is all I’ve known, so there’s no basis for comparison, but I like having siblings. Although I’m not sure I fully appreciate my birth order: being the fifth of six has definite downsides. And, perhaps life could have been a little easier with a couple fewer of us, but whose to say? The world would be a much different (and poorer) place without each of the six of us in it. I am grateful to have siblings. They were built-in playmates, friends, and in my case as one of the youngest, protectors. Let me tell you, nobody bullied me while I was in the same school as my two older brothers.

When I think about various the experiences I’ve had and the things I’ve learned about life–good and not-so-good–from my siblings, I realize how valuable those relationships have been for me. I would not trade them for anything. We haven’t always gotten along: there have certainly been periods of estrangement between various members of the family, including some more recent ones. But in spite of our differences I firmly believe that we each would be there for the other if there was great need. Even when folk aren’t necessarily speaking, in a pinch they’d be there to help.

From an earlier post (September, 2011), I shared these thoughts about family:

“I know that for many people their families of origin are not their families of choice. I am fortunate to have family members that I love and respect and enjoy spending time with. I count my siblings among my close friends. Harper Lee (“To Kill a Mockingbird”) said, “You can choose your friends but you sho’can’t choose your family, an’ they’re still kin to you no matter whether you acknowledge ‘em or not, and it makes you look right silly when you don’t.” Well I didn’t have any choice about who my kin are, but I figure that for the most part, I lucked out. And for that, and for each of them, I am most grateful.”

Each day when I offer my lovingkindness meditations, I offer well wishes for my family and loved ones. Often I call them by name, particularly if I know that one of them in particular is going through a challenge and can use the extra good intention. Throughout the day as one or another of them crosses my mind I pray for them. There is not a day that goes by when they are not present in my conscious thought, and of course I carry them in my heart and spirit even when I’m not consciously thinking about them. I am so very grateful for each of them and the unique places they hold in my heart. May they experience happiness and the root of happiness. So be it!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 639

Posted on April 13, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight I am off to a late start and am fighting off a headache as I sit down to write. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past two years it’s been how to push through the challenges, obstacles, distractions and other struggles that come along and get in the way of making progress.  So I will push through and offer a few simple gratitudes.

First, from an earlier Lesson in Gratitude (Day 301) I want to offer this:

Tonight I am simply grateful for the ability to draw a deep breath, allowing the oxygen to flow through my temporarily able body. Grateful that my fingers can move freely and without pain across the keyboard, that my hands and arms move the way I want them to,and that I can feel the weight and the heat of my laptop as it rests on my lap. I am grateful for a mind that, for the most part, is clear and capable of coherent thought, of communication, of creativity. I can hear the whirring of the fan sending the cool air tickling across my body as I sit here. “I am wonderfully and fearfully made,” the writer says, which to me speaks to this amazing and complex collection of cells called the human body. I am grateful for each part working, for the most part, how it’s supposed to work. I do not take this for granted. I also note the things that perhaps don’t work as well as they used to, or don’t look as neat and trime as they once did. This is the temporary part of “temporarily able bodied.” And that’s alright, it is as it should be. I am grateful.

I continue to be amazed at the fact that there are seven billion miracles walking this planet today. If you take the remarkable complexity of a single human being–the zillions of specialized cells that form themselves into the various organs that combine to form systems that regulate various processes in that single body and multiply it by seven billion, the sheer number of cells and tissues and organs and systems would be astronomical. Each individual is a walking miracle, and when you think about the number of perils that we face every single day without realizing it, we are blessed indeed.

I am grateful to be here each evening, bringing together thoughts and words in expressions of gratitude. Sometimes it’s a struggle to be here writing and at others there’s nothing more natural and easy than for me to be here writing and sharing these thoughts. I am thankful to those folks who read and receive some benefit from hanging out in here with me. May you be filled with lovingkindness. May you be well. May you be peaceful and at ease. May you be truly happy.

I am thankful for the day just passed and look forward to a good rest this tonight and a good day tomorrow.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 638

Posted on April 12, 2013 by mtchamblee

This morning I had one of those moments of disorientation that sometimes happens when you first wake up. As I lay there in the dark having just hit the snooze for the third time, I said to myself, “Today is Friday.” I got into the habit of announcing to myself the day of the week during my long months of unemployment. Sometimes during that period of my life I would sometimes awaken uncertain of which day it was because I didn’t have the routine of a Monday through Friday eight-to-five job to help me keep track of my schedule. So this morning in my 5:39 a.m. muzzy-headedness, I needed to check in and let myself know that it indeed was Friday…again. Wasn’t it just Friday a day or two ago?

I am aware that as we age, time seems to speed up; but this is ridiculous. I realized with some small degree of panic that somehow when I wasn’t looking April snuck up on me and is now nearly halfway over. And I have a major event coming up for which I bear significant responsibility for “pulling off” that is hurtling toward me with unexpected velocity. I am pleased that I managed to show enough restraint that I stopped thinking about my work project while writing my morning journal; I decided I wanted to start my day thinking about things other than work. After all, I would get there soon enough and then I could panic while on the clock. Of course I am not completely panicked, which upon reflection I realize is a good thing. I have been feelings somewhat philosophical about a few things over the last little while, so I want to briefly share a few thoughts, connect them to gratitude before signing off.

I want to speak to my earlier admission of panic. I’ve been thinking again about the notion of overcoming fear and other paralyzing conditions that so often keep us stuck in a particular limiting mindset. I was thinking of the phrase “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” And as I thought about it I recalled some of the difficulties I’ve experienced over the course of my life. They were challenging, yes, and painful, sometimes embarrassing, and emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually taxing, but they never really even came close to killing me in any of those areas. Going through the experiences and coming out on the other side might have indeed made me stronger but they never rose to that level of threat that my life would be ended.

This is an important perspective to have, particularly in viewing something at work or other area of my life that is causing me angst. I look at the situation that is inducing fear, anxiety, or other unhelpful emotional state and ask, “In this situation, what is the worst that can happen?” And if the answer does not include major bodily harm to my person or to persons whom I care about, then it removes a lot of the power the situation has over me; it significantly reduces the weight the situation holds in my life. I had a meeting some time ago in which I anticipated something negative and unpleasant was going to happen. I had dreaded going into the meeting and, as I’d expected, it was tense and uncomfortable and I left feeling angry and frustrated. I did what a lot of people do: I came back to my office, sat down with a colleague I trust and ranted for over an hour about how bad things were. (Eventually, after I’d calmed down, I went back to my colleagues and apologized for my whiny, unprofessional behavior.

What I came to realize after that incident was that nothing in my work life is life-threateningly important, very few things across the entire spectrum of my life is all that deeply important. When I think about the things I fear most greatly they include things like something happening to one of my loved ones, something beyond my ability to control or fix or repair. Nothing else that happens around me rises to that potential level of impact. When my mother, who was one of the primary stars in my universe, was diagnosed with cancer and died within five months, I was devastated. But, I lived through it. And as excruciating as such losses are and likely always will be, I lived through it. So when I think about the sense of panic I briefly experienced about my upcoming event, I have to acknowledge that in the scheme of things the impact of that program, whether is is a spectacular success or an abysmal failure, is only minimally important–it doesn’t register on the richter scale of my life.

I am grateful for this perspective. It allows me to hold things much more loosely and to begin to let go of my attachment to various outcomes. This is not to say that I don’t care about anything; many things matter to me. I value doing a good job and being known as a person of intelligence, compassion, integrity and many other things. What I am learning to do (as best I can, it’s still very much a work in progress) is to put my best out there and let go of the need to look good, be right, achieve a particular bottom line, etc. In terms of the things that matter most to me, those things are simply not that important any more.

Now I have not reached what my sister and I jokingly refer to as “the seventh level of enlightenment,” or perhaps I reach it and then quickly hurtle back to reality. I will still get anxious, freak out, panic and have all kinds of anticipatory, knee-jerk reactions to all kinds of issues, drama, challenges, etc. But what is true for me in this moment is that I’m learning not to sweat those things for long. Yes, I’ll allow myself my moments of being cranky, fearful, frustrated, anxious, panicky and all kinds emotions in between. And then I’m going to ask for and receive or find the grace within me to take a few slow, deep breaths and let it go. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it, and I’m deeply grateful for the perspective and clarity I am slowly developing around this. May all beings be free from suffering and the root of suffering. So be it!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 637

Posted on April 11, 2013 by mtchamblee

It took me one hour and 48 minutes to get home from work this evening. When I looked at my navigator and it said it would take 1:53, I grumbled, “No way!” and then the GPS wouldn’t map out alternate routes for me like it usually did. And then sometimes the travel time function of the navigation system is wrong. Today, it wasn’t. I was alright at first, but after about the 1:26 mark I had pretty well had it. But what does “pretty well had it” mean when you the navigation system still says 30 minutes to go? So I tried to listen to my audiobook and not yell  at the top of my lungs as I sometimes do when I am tired and cranky and simply want to get home and have my dinner. By the time I pulled into my driveway after 7 p.m. I was cursing and swearing and saying words that would horrify my legions of adoring fans.

When I got to the door of my house, I slowed myself down and exhaled. I knew that when I opened the door, my four-legged friend would be there to greet me and that she deserved a loving greeting from me, especially since I could pretty well guarantee one from her. So I shook off my tiredness, my extreme annoyance, and the serious need for a bathroom break, and stepped in and greeted my friend. She jumped up on me, whining and I put down my book bag and rubbed her belly and said sweet things to her. I took her out to do her business before I took care of my own, and exhaled a little more as I walked her around the yard. I am grateful for the shift of energy that I made just before I walked into the house, grateful to have shown restraint, reminding myself that Honor was not responsible for the long, irritating commute home and so did not deserve any ill temper I might have shown her when I got home.

Mama said there’ll be days like this, after all. But the truth is, the vast majority of the day was fine, good even. So why would I let those last two hours from the time I was shutting down my computer at work until the time I turned the key in the lock dictate what my evening was going to be like? Honor gave me the reason I needed to shift my energy tonight and I am once again grateful for her presence. Although I did manage to recover a moderate sense of equanimity upon my arrival home, I am still pretty tired and not as upbeat as I’d like to be. Nevertheless, I am grateful to be home, safe and sound and sharing a little piece of my world with you this evening.

I am going to sign off and go play my guitar for a little while. Music–particularly when I’m playing–has a way of transforming what’s happening around me, of allowing me to connect with a deeper place, of helping me to let go. For all that, and for so much more that I am unable to utter tonight, I am exceedingly grateful. May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May we be happy and peaceful. May we be safe and protected from harm. May we be healthy and strong in body, mind, and spirit. May we live with joy, ease, and wellbeing. May it be so for us all!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 636

Posted on April 10, 2013 by mtchamblee

I have so many thoughts swirling in my mind as I write this evening. Part of me is tired and wants to spin the wheel and pick a blog. The two random number generators offered two different numbers and both possibly entries are pretty good. Another part of me wants to try to pull together some of the swirling thoughts and attempt to make them comprehensible enough so readers can make sense of them. Whatever you will read here will represent the resolution of that dilemma, and you might not even know how the conversation will unfold in my head: all you’ll see is the result.

Many years ago I started writing a book in my head called “The Place Just Right,” taken from a line in the Shaker hymn, “Simple Gifts.” The theme of this as yet unwritten book is essentially about finding one’s passion and life purpose, “the place just right,” where you know in your bones that you are exactly where you are meant to be. I wanted to write about it for similar reasons that I became a life coach and why I’ve worked with high school and college students for nearly 30 years working in higher education: because I want to aid people in discovering who they are meant to be, what they are meant to be doing, and how to move in the direction of being and doing it. It’s my version of “right livelihood,” though it bears no resemblance to the Buddhist principle. For me it means finding and doing work that’s right for you, that you are uniquely suited for. This is something I’ve not fully achieved in my lifetime, though I’ve gotten a little closer each year.

But today I came to a slightly different way of thinking about what it means to be in the place just right from the perspective of living in the moment. Perhaps the place just right isn’t necessarily just about finding and fulfilling one’s life purpose, but about fulfilling a purpose in this moment or for this time. Today I was in a conversation with a colleague about some matters related to the work I’m doing in my job. For a moment the observer side of me stepped back and watched myself in the conversation (I know it sounds a little weird, but stay with me…) What I saw was a person (myself) engaged in spirited, impassioned dialogue about planning and visioning and exploring possibilities. My body language, the tone and tenor of my speech, the sense of aliveness that I felt about what I was talking about in that moment was very real to me. And it wasn’t simply being excited about the subject matter: in fact at times the topics we were discussing might have been frustrating and irritating rather than engaging. What created the sense of aliveness was the absolutely certain feeling in that moment that I was exactly where I was supposed to be–I was in the place just right.

This is it! I said inside my own head. Though I didn’t recognize it instantly as it was happening, I did shortly after the conversation had ended. I had one of those moments of absolute (a word I don’t use lightly) clarity in which I was completely in alignment with my purpose. Is it my life purpose? I don’t know. What I do know is that it was my purpose in that moment and I continue to feel a sense of destiny (ugh, I know…I don’t like sounding so dramatic and “whoo-whoo” but it’s the right word) about where I am right now, what I am doing, who I am working with, and what the possibilities are. Even as I write this, the sense of rightness remains.

I am also laughing and shaking my head, reminding myself how fleeting such feelings can be. I could go into the office tomorrow and get totally knocked off my moorings, in fact I probably will. But that won’t change the knowing I have that for this time, at this moment in my life, I am where I am supposed to be. I am in the place just right. It is my life purpose in this moment, and for that I am most exceedingly grateful.

Interestingly, when I spun the wheel of the random number generator this evening, it landed on Day 194, which happens to be about finding one’s passion, about pursuing one’s dreams and in complete alignment with what I’ve written here. I recommend a re-read! I am grateful to have received the insight and wisdom that came to me today. These are the moments of clarity I prayed and longed for during my terrible, awful, no good, really bad year. It was coming, it just took a while to get here and though it didn’t show up when I wanted it, it is definitely beginning to show up now.

If you find yourself in the searching place, uncertain about what your purpose is in this moment or any other moment, be patient with yourself. It’s like a lot of other things: if you chase after it, it seems to flee that much faster. If you’re patient and let the answers come to you and you remain open to hearing them, wisdom and clarity about your purpose will show up. I believe it and what’s lost to you if you believe it too? My wish for each of us is that “by turning, turning we come ’round right.”

Simple Gifts
written by Joseph Brackett, 1848
‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free
‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be,
And when we find ourselves in the place just right,
‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.
When true simplicity is gain’d,
To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,
To turn, turn will be our delight,
Till by turning, turning we come ’round right.
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Lessons in Gratitude day 635

Posted on April 9, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight is a good one for simple gratitude–it has been another beautiful weather day. It is so wonderful to see watch nature bursting awake with the heat of summer-like  weather–even at this hour (8:39 p.m.) it is still 76 degrees outside. As I’ve walked onto campus each morning over the past few days I’ve greeted by a beautiful flowering tree. I haven’t taken the time to figure out what kind of tree it is, and it almost doesn’t matter. Looking at it is a feast for the eyes (the picture–taken with my smartphone–doesn’t do it justice) and to see it every day as I approach my building at work makes my heart glad.

The other thing I was particularly happy about as I walked into work this morning was that I had a close encounter come with the “little bird with a big voice” and am inching ever closer to identifying this mysterious songster. I have heard it several times–as long ago as October when I first moved here, and as recently as, well, this morning. Only this time I not only heard it, but finally saw it flitting in the tree outside my office window. It’s pretty impressive that I could hear the singing given that my office window does not open and is double-paned glass. But the clarity of the song was unmistakably the one I’d heard all those months ago but hadn’t seen. So when I finally saw it, I spied a tiny, relatively nondescript brown bird, it’s little throat rippling to produce the sweet sound. I took several photos and a few videos of it, cursing that the camera on my smartphone is inferior to my camera at home with which I’ve captured so many fine closeups of the visitors to my feeder. Tomorrow I will take my camera with me to work and see if I can zoom in on the temporarily unidentified crooner.

Anyone who knows me or who has been reading this blog for long knows a few things about me, particularly as it relates to my love of birds and my stubborn determination to stalk an unfamiliar avian noisemaker until I’ve located where the sound is coming from and have photographed and identified the suspect. I love being able to put a “face” with a voice. It’s just a matter of time before I’ve solved my latest ornithological puzzle. Last summer, in my relentless pursuit of the maker of a particularly shrill call at 5 a.m. nearly every morning, I stalked and successfully “bagged,” by means of my camera, a photograph of the noisemaker. I then set about searching online for a website that would help me identify the creature. That’s when I discovered “All About Birds,” a project of the Cornell Lab of Ornithology and through the process of elimination identified the dark-eyed junco as my shrieking, trilling alarm clock. Once I had a name for it, I found that I actually came to enjoy the call; now that I knew what was making it I came to appreciate it, though it never did sound lovely to me. My plan is to use the same identification process to discover the identity of the little bid with the big voice. You know I’ll report back once I know who I’m dealing with.

I’m grateful for a number of related things this evening: the first is curiosity. While I wouldn’t characterize myself as insatiably curious, I’m grateful to have a measure of this particular gift. I see, or hear, or take in information through my various senses and say to myself, “Hmmmm, I wonder what that is? why that is shaped like that? how that enormous boulder ended up there? How can such a tiny bird make such a big, clear, beautiful noise? These are not the “big,” deep questions about the meaning of life, but are nonetheless intriguing in their own right. And more often than not, when I pay attention to those things I am curious about amazing new worlds and pieces of insight open up to me. I am grateful for this gift.

I am also grateful for the natural beauty that is all around me. So often I have hankered for living out in the country, and yet I continue to find myself living in more urban areas. While I haven’t given up hope that I’ll live out in the country some day, for now I live where I live and appreciate nature where I find it. My delight at the small critters that live in and around my yard–the many varieties of birds who have cleaned out the last of my seed for the year until I restock in the fall, the squirrels–black and gray, and the as yet elusive rabbits that seem to appear only late at night, though I saw a bunny in my neighbor’s yard this morning. (It’s good to see plain ol’ cottontail rabbits again–all I saw in California were the long eared jack rabbits, which were cool in their way.) These are not the big animals like the deer that often trotted down my street in California, or the wild turkeys that hung out in large numbers in the parking lot of my condo complex, but they are what I have here in my little back yard, and I am happy.

These are simple things to be grateful for, but I am grateful nonetheless. And I’ll be pleased as punch when I’ve finally identified my little brown friend whose voice brings me such joy that I stop all the “important” things that I’m doing to listen, record, enjoy and share it. I’m likely to continue to do that, and you know what? I like that about myself, and that’s saying something.

You Guessed It! It's Little Bird...

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 634

Posted on April 8, 2013 by mtchamblee

You have to love the month of April from a strictly meteorological perspective. When I lived in California, where spring starts arriving in February, by April the weather was predictably beautiful. When I lived in Michigan, you could have a blizzard one week and it be 70 degrees the next. That’s kind of how it’s been here in Maryland: on last Thursday (April 4), the high was 50 degrees and the low was 32. On this Wednesday–a week later–it’s supposed to be in the upper 80s–a 30+ degree difference. A little cold front’s supposed to blow through on Friday so that by Saturday the high is only going to be 63 degrees. I say only, but that’s still going to feel pretty good all things considered. It’s not at all unusual to completely skip spring and go from winter to summer, which is very nearly what’s happening here.

I am grateful for the warm up, though it means a significant wardrobe shift. Going abruptly from winter to summer wreaks havoc on finding clothing that is appropriate to the weather. I’m grateful that even though I lived seven years in California, I retained significant portions of winter weight clothing. So this morning I was scrambling to figure out what to wear given a 25 degree temperature shift. Later this week I’ll be more systematic about putting away much of my wool winter wear and taking out lightweight cottons and blends in preparation for summer. When I look over into my tiny closet and my modest wardrobe, I have to smile and shake my head. While the number and relative quality of the various items in my closet is not that great, it is not lost upon me that relative to some folks I’m doing pretty well.

My son first taught me about “first world problems,” things that people with access to privilege and financial wealth complain about that most people living in other parts of the world (and even parts of this country) would shake their heads about. In the scheme of things, my winter-summer wardrobe dilemmas would not make sense to someone who needs a single pair of shoes to cover bare feet or a winter coat or warm blankets. It is also not useful for me to feel guilty about and compare my relative ease and comfort with those  who are less fortunate or have less access to life “basics” than I do. When I think and write about gratitude I try to write from the perspective of things I am grateful for in my life and try to avoid writing about my good fortune relative to others. There will always be people who have more than me and those who have less. I try to think about how I can use what I have to create good wherever I am.

Do I wish my life felt a little easier, yes. I watch reports on the news about people near my age who are looking forward to retirement in a few years and have saved up for their dream vacation or plan invest in a winery to start their second careers and cool things like that. I think to myself that given that my 401K probably looks more like a 100.25K, I think my retirement timeframe and goals are probably a lot different than some folks. But even with that, my “challenges” are not at all what they could be and so much of what I faced and still bump into periodically are largely first world problems.

I am grateful for having gained some key insights and perspective on what I consider “problems.” Like just about everyone I have my struggles; I try not to belittle or make light of them in any way because they are in their own right difficult. They represent places where I need to take some action or get help from others to work through the difficulties as best I can. They are not overwhelming or insurmountable, though there are times when I realize I do not have the capacity to tackle them on my own. But when I look at the things I am challenged by, about which I could get fearful, anxious, frustrated and angry, I think about them in relation to things that could be so much more difficult. I take a deep breath, realize that what I’m fretting on bears no resemblance to the problems that really would set me reeling.

Ah, this is one of those nights when what I want to say is not coming out as clearly as I’d like. I wish you could come sit with me in my living room and we could talk about what I’m trying to express. Let me boil it down to this: recently I asked myself “What’s the worst thing that could happen right now? What is something that I would think would be unendurable?” I realized that the list would be very, very short. And the vast majority of what I face on a daily, weekly, monthly basis doesn’t even come close to anything on my “worst possibles” list. So instead I want to focus on the really awesome possibilities in any given moment and not expend a lot of energy and time zeroed in on what’s restrictive and limiting. I am still working the kinks out of this philosophy and practice, but I’m confident it will hold up under scrutiny. My hope is that one of these days soon I’ll be able to describe it in a manner that you readers will find helpful. In the meantime, you’ll just have to take it on faith.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 633

Posted on April 7, 2013 by mtchamblee

I am not a big fan of trite expressions; I mean, who could be, when by their very definition they are “platitudinous, vapid, commonplace, stereotyped, overused, overdone, overworked, stale, worn out, timeworn, tired, hoary, hack, unimaginative” and a number of other synonyms. I was simply going to use the word “irritating…” Nevertheless this morning as I was giving myself a pep talk, I remarked aloud, “happiness is a choice.” And, as trite as that expression is, as many times as it has been repeated to the point of being virtually meaningless, it is true nonetheless. That is not to say that by simply standing up and declaring, “I choose to be happy!” that anything will necessarily change in my life to move me from  where I currently am to immediate happiness.

One thing that has been equally clear to me as I continue to navigate my way toward a greater sense of contentment and wellbeing is that this is a lifelong process, a journey rather than simply a destination at which you ultimately arrive, unpack your bags and celebrate having “made it.” When my life hit some serious speed bumps a few years ago, I made a conscious choice to be grateful every day, and as best I could, to be happy. Mind you I didn’t really have much of an idea what being “happy” even looked like, particularly given the circumstances under which I was living at the time. Still, I determined within myself that in spite of how hard things felt, I would strive for ease and wellbeing. Wait–strive for ease?

I’m grateful this evening for having chosen a path toward happiness. Some days I feel closer than others to achieving at least a state of contentment if not outright happiness; other days I feel  the blues and joy and contentment seem far, far away. I think about some of the people I’ve known and how they measure happiness. I find it fascinating that people who should be happy–those fortunate folks who seem to “have it all,”–are often desperately unhappy. So whatever happiness is, it is not necessarily about the possession of material wealth, or the perfect relationship, or the perfect anything for that matter. There are examples all around of people living on limited means who are nonetheless happy and enjoy a better overall quality of life than people who have much more than they do. They have chosen to be happy and while they no doubt have down days continue to do so.

What does it take to do this, to make this choice? Sometimes I think it’s sheer force of will. I made a conscious choice a few years ago to hold on for dear life as my life unraveled. At first it was all I could do to simply get out of bed and take several small steps away from the abyss of despair that could have easily engulfed me. But as I wrote yesterday, small steps are steps nonetheless, and over time I was able to move into a much more positive frame of mind. It was during this time that I discovered the power of gratitude: I learned to look for all the blessings in my life, large and small, that brought me joy or peace or simply a smile to my face. The decision to look for the blessings, even in the midst of sadness and grief, has led to a deepening of my belief that happiness is possible and a determination to reach for it every day as best I can.

I am grateful for the strength of will that has allowed me to move in the direction of happiness, even when it has felt difficult. Each morning as I prepare to greet the day, I offer well wishes for myself and for others that includes a wish to be peaceful and happy. And at the close of the day, I offer thanks for the blessings in my life.  May we each come to know happiness and peace, joy, ease, and wellbeing as we journey on this path of life. So be it!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 632

Posted on April 6, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight, after getting a late start because I was spending time bonding with family until late this evening, I decided to pull a number and repost an earlier blog. I like taking the time to generate a “random” number and re-read old posts even if I am going to write a new blog on a given day. I appreciate seeing what I was thinking about on a given day; I also believe that few things are random or coincidental, so I like to see what shows up on a given day. So this evening’s Lesson in Gratitude was originally posted on July 13, 2011, which was Day 14.

Small steps are still steps. Small actions are still actions. Every once in a while I get antsy that I am not making enough progress or doing enough fast enough. I wrote a few days ago about crossing something off the to-do list–bathing the dog. Now by all accounts bathing the dog is not a major accomplishment. But it needed to be done and it got done. Yesterday I took a number of small steps on a number of things I am working on. At the end of the day I somehow felt like I needed to do an accounting of what I had accomplished today,then judged that I had not gotten enough done.

The truth is that no one is standing over me telling me what to do,then watching me do it,and then making sure that it gets done. There is a certain amount of comfort in having a degree of accountability,and accountability is good in its place. But when I’m operating from a sense of desperation and panic about all the things I need to get done, nothing good can result from that. I get so mired in what I “should”be doing,that it totally freezes my creativity,my energy,my mental capacity and either nothing gets accomplished or what I do get done is a very poor representation of what it could have been. Layer on top of that the guilt that I didn’t finish what I had set out to do,never mind that what I set out to do was potentially unrealistic in the first place.

So while my plan is to create some structures that help me get things done,it’s important that I pay attention to the energy behind what I’m creating. It’s quite possible to make everything hard and complicated and to do things from a sense of panic. What I hope to bring into my structures is a sense of ease. There’s a lot to be said for going with the flow—swimming against the current is exhausting and counterproductive. Something I read today from Oprah aligns well with this,“This,I’ve known forever,is the great metaphor of life:Move with the flow. Don’t fight the current. Resist nothing. Let life carry you. Don’t try to carry it.”

I’m grateful for the small steps I manage to make every day and the small actions I take. There are days when I don’t have giant steps in me and sometimes bathing the dog is the best I can do. But every step forward—large and small—takes me closer to my destination than sitting still would. Eventually these small steps will merge together into larger ones and I’ll hit a smooth and confident stride. Until then I’ll be patient (and gentle with myself) and enjoy the scenery along the way.

I am still very much in “small steps” mode–if you’ve been reading lately I’ve been writing a lot about microshifts that I’m making in the way I live my life, approach my work, and act in various areas of my life. Small steps are indeed steps nonetheless and sometimes a big impact occurs as the consequence of a small action. So I continue to move forward as best I can, sometimes taking small steps, and occasionally taking larger ones. Moving across the country last October was a major step, and now that I’m out here, I am taking much smaller ones that allow me to adjust to the many changes I’ve lived through since my arrival. I am grateful for each increment that I advance on this journey and I look forward to seeing where these next steps take me.

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