Lessons in Gratitude Day 831

Posted on October 22, 2013 by mtchamblee
“Sometimes I wonder if I’m ever gonna make it home again.”
~Carole King

I’ve spent a lot of time over the course of my life thinking about home. I think that’s partly because I’ve been unconvinced that I’ve actually ever found a place where I really felt at home, like “I could live here for the rest of my life.” I’m not sure where I rank in terms of how many places the average US person has lived. I’ve lived in five different states and one African country in my lifetime. As that goes I suppose I’m probably average. Some people have moved many more times and lived in many more places than I have. But in all that time I have not yet lived in a place I would call home. It’s interesting that when any of my sisters talk about returning to Indiana where we all spent most of our growing up years, we say we’re “going home” to visit. For me, our “hometown” stopped feeling like home when my mother died. In that way, I suppose, my mother was my home. And though I still went back there to visit my father and my brothers, it was always simply a visit.

I know it is said that “home is where the heart is,” but sometimes I wonder if for me at least it is more that the heart knows when it’s found home. I understand the concept that we can make for ourselves a home wherever we are. I also know, however, that there is a place I’m looking for where my heart can sink into it and be completely at rest. I wrote about this last September as I was getting ready to move from California out east. Rather than rewrite these sentiments I am simply going to repost the original because it is what’s speaking to me this evening. I hope you enjoy this post from Lessons in Gratitude, Day 416.

Someone should tell the moon that it’s waning and that in such a diminished state it is supposed to be less spectacular than it was two nights ago when it was full,the rare blue moon that won’t show up again until 2015. How is it that the rising moon,now on the wane,is so spectacular that I stood outside for a few minutes tonight and enjoyed it? It’ll be even more fabulous in about an hour when it has lifted above the treetops and I can see it from my window. I am grateful for the things I see from these windows in my bedroom. I don’t have sweeping vistas,views of the bay,or anything of the sort,but I see and hear enchanting things from these windows. Where I live next must have windows that provide me with the degree of entertainment and appreciation I benefit from now.

Eighteen months ago when I moved from what had been my home for five years to move into this condo I would have said that I was grateful to find a suitable place for me and my son to call home while I sorted out my life and began the long,slow process of making sense of all that had happened at the start of 2011. Still,moving from a comfortable,three bedroom home that I had shared with a significant other into a two bedroom condo in a complex ten miles away was a significant adjustment at a time when I was up to my eyeballs in adjustments. In some ways,I never fully settled into this space,which is too bad because it has been a relatively soft place to land when that first wild ride of the mechanical bull of life sent me sailing. While I have many times expressed gratitude for having a roof over my head,a safe,warm space for me to live while undergoing the healing process that is still unfolding,I haven’t often expressed gratitude for this place.

I am a big believer in signs so when we came to look at this place I recognized two things before we even went inside:the address was the day and year of my son’s birth and that the name of the street means “treasure”in Spanish. While that could simply have been an interesting coincidence,I like to think that it was a sign that we had found the right place. For the most part,it has proven to be so. Now as I prepare myself to move to another place in another town in another state I am hopeful that I can find another “treasure”where my dog and I can settle in and make a home.

Home has been a life theme for me;the concept of “home”has popped up in earlier blog posts. I have at some level been searching for home for much of my life,and while I know that “home is where the heart is”or home is where you make it,I still believe that there is a particular place where I can exhale like I haven’t in any other place. There might be many such places around the world,but I haven’t quite found home yet. I am not actively searching for it,either. That feels a bit like looking for the proverbial needle in the haystack. Perhaps it is a function of my age,(at 55 I think I can safely say I am now past middle age…) but I am less inclined to go looking for the things I want and more likely to let them find me. I’m sure that sounds odd,but I’m equally sure that’s the right approach for me where I am right now. As clear as I am about this,I nonetheless get a bit melancholy when I think of how much finding home means to me.

While there are a number of good songs that express the longing for home,the song,“I’m Going to Go Back There Someday” from the Muppet Movie (yes,the 1979 movie starring Kermit the Frog and Company) best captures how I feel about this mystical place. I am grateful to have lived in a number of different places,each representing some aspect of my life at the time. Only one of those places has really felt like home,but now that I know what home feels like,I’ll know it again when I find it. And as Gonzo sings,“I’ve never been there,but I know the way…I’m going to go back there someday.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I’m Going to Go Back There Someday
This looks familiar,vaguely familiar,
Almost unreal,yet,it’s too soon to feel yet.
Close to my soul,and yet so far away.
I’m going to go back there someday.
Sun rises,night falls,sometimes the sky calls.
Is that a song there,and do I belong there?
I’ve never been there,but I know the way.
I’m going to go back there someday.
Come and go with me,it’s more fun to share,
We’ll both be completely at home in midair.
We’re flyin’,not walkin’,on featherless wings.
We can hold onto love like invisible strings.
There’s not a word yet for old friends who’ve just met.
Part heaven,part space,or have I found my place?
You can just visit,but I plan to stay.
I’m going to go back there someday.
I’m going to go back there someday.
written by Kenny Ascher and Paul Williams
I will say that I am grateful for my little house that I live in now. I was telling a friend this evening that it is exactly where I needed to “land” when I first arrived in this new place last October. And while I know it is likely not my final “home,” for now it provides me a measure of comfort and familiarity that I need in my life right now. And for that I am exceedingly grateful.
Posted in Gratitude, Home | Leave a comment

Lessons in Gratitude Day 830

Posted on October 21, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight is a good night to spin the wheel of the Random Number Generator. I was up at 5:30, got onto campus by 7:45, and participated in non-stop meetings from 8:15 through 3 p.m. I mean I stopped once to take a bio break and other than that it was running from one place to the next, stopping in my office long enough to change folders. I am committing myself to making some changes in my approach to my work. Just because many people around me has chosen a life of frenetic frenzy doesn’t mean I have to do so. Still, it’s easy to get caught up in the pace of things and run oneself into the ground. I am striving toward less striving and creating more spaciousness in my schedule. At the moment I’m failing miserably, but fully intend to keep working at it until I succeed.

It took me several spins to land on a posting that spoke to me tonight. My sister, knowing how tired I was, gently fussed at me, “Don’t be a perfectionist. Trust the next spin and just go with it.” While I didn’t go with the very next spin (I spun at least three more times), I did finally land on just the right thing. It’s one of the benefits of having access to all these previous posts–I get to relearn the various lessons as I reread them and renew and deepen my understanding of the many permutations of gratitude I’ve shared over the months. This lesson, from March of 2012, builds on the Buddhist principle of “right speech.” It was very helpful for me to reread this tonight as a reminder of the importance of monitoring the words that come out of my mouth–the impact they can have on others for good or harm. So grateful for remembering the lesson. Enjoy!

Wow, am I tired! It’s a good tired, though. From waking early to write, heading off to earn my daily bread, and then off to a wonderful evening class about the central Buddhist teaching on the Eightfold Path, it’s been a long,good day. Talk about right place, right time. Taking this class (and one in February on the Four Noble Truths) is providing much-needed food for thought on the nature of suffering and the pathway through it toward happiness. And even though I am generally tired by the time I get there (and help set up the room for the class), I know that I am drinking in the material at both conscious and subconscious levels. I imagine I’ll still be learning and gaining insight from it when I rest my head on my pillow to sleep tonight. I am grateful for the teachings and for the teacher, whose down-to-earth nature, kindness and compassion, vibrant sense of humor, and deep wisdom are very resonant with my preferences as a learner and somewhat my style as a teacher.

This past week our homework from the class was to practice “right speech”(or wise, skillful, beneficial speech.) It turned out to be incredibly difficult to engage in something that should be relatively simple. I spend a lot of time thinking about words–as a writer it sort of goes with the territory. But there’s definitely a different dynamic when dealing with the written versus the spoken word. When I’m writing, and this blog is a very good example of this, I spend a lot of time sorting through words I want to use to phrase what I’m saying in the most positive way possible. Over the past few years I’ve become quite mindful of reframing what I am saying, moving it out of a negative frame, as best I can and into a more positive, or at least neutral frame. Doing this as I’m sitting down writing is a whole lot easier than it is on the fly, spur of the moment, rough and tumble world of verbal interaction. It can all just happen so fast and suddenly there you are blurting something out and dealing with the ensuing unintended consequences. The blurt factor is particularly hard on introverts who often, when pressed to give an opinion before we’re ready can sometimes get ourselves in trouble saying something we didn’t really mean.

Right or wise speech is about being truthful, not gossiping, speaking in a friendly, gentle manner, and not engaging in idle chatter. In other words, talking only when necessary. I can’t imagine that there are many people alive who have not experienced the power of words to hurt or heal, to bring about joy, peace and happiness or anger, war,and suffering. Sadly,most human beings have been on the receiving end of potentially damaging and destructive words,and equally sad,many of us have also had the experience of delivering hurtful or unhelpful words. That is why learning about wise speech is so incredibly helpful. If I can get this,along with other key concepts of the Four Noble Truths and the Eightfold Path,I will be further ahead in my quest to be a good human being.

The other week a friend posted a quote on his wall in Facebook that I will post here. I looked all over to find who wrote it so I could give appropriate attribution,but still haven’t quite found it. But here it is:

“Before you speak,T.H.I.N.K.
T=   Is it True
H= Is it Helpful
I=  Is it Inspiring
N= Is it Necessary?
K= Is it Kind?”

I did find one attribution that seemed pretty close to this. It’s from Sri Sathya Sai Baba,an Indian Spiritual leader who said “Before you speak, think–Is it necessary? Is it true? Is it kind, will it hurt anyone? Will it improve on the silence?” If you rearrange the letters of this quote (from Thinkexist.com) you still arrive at T.H.I.N.K.:Is it True? Will it Hurt anyone? Will it Improve on the silence? Is it Necessary? Is it Kind?

No matter who said it, it definitely provides a power filter to screen our speech. I didn’t soar in my efforts to engage in “right speech” this past week. There were times I failed miserably and couldn’t seem to get past “Is it true” to even approach whether or not what I was saying in a given moment was helpful, inspiring (or encouraging),necessary or kind. What I was saying might have been true,but it failed the other four criteria. It will take me a while to get the hang of “wise speech”as the Buddha taught it and as this simple tool T.H.I.N.K. encourages me to do. But armed with this new awareness about the importance of right speech and this new approach I know enough to be dangerous! I am definitely looking forward to working with it.

The psalmist writes,“may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing…” May it be so indeed.

Posted in Buddhist Teachings, Gratitude | Leave a comment

Lessons in Gratitude Day 829

Posted on October 20, 2013 by mtchamblee

I am grateful this evening for all the lessons that have come my way over all these months that I’ve written this blog. Sometimes they have been bold and in-your face, but most of the time have been subtle and unremarkable. I have learned in part because I have chosen to search for the meaning in everything that happens around me. There have been many times when I’ve wanted a clear and easy answer: a neon sign to light up and tell me exactly what I need to know and what I need to do. Those times have been rare, if not nonexistent. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about how things work for me it’s that much of what I’ve learned I’ve figured out the hard way.

I continue to seek meaning in what’s happening around me. I ask questions and then I pay attention to everything to see how the answer chooses to present itself. Sometimes I get an answer to a question I haven’t even asked yet. There are a lot of things on my mind these days. At my age, I am still asking myself if I am living out my true purpose. Then I have to sort out what my “true” purpose is. More questions ensure and more meaning making follows. As autumn takes over for summer and the rhythms of earth slow down it’s a good time to reflect on various lessons learned over the year. Tonight I decided to spin the wheel to see what lessons I could reflect on from the past. I am pleased to share a portion of a blog I wrote in June of 2012 about the power of removing the word “not” in its various forms out of our vocabulary. Enjoy!

Some time ago I began working with the notion of trying to arrange my language in such a way that I removed as best I could the word “not”or any of it’s forms from my vocabulary. This meant trying to use different words than “can’t, don’t, won’t, couldn’t, wouldn’t, shouldn’t, didn’t…” You get the basic idea. I realized how often I defined things in terms of what I didn’t want instead of focusing on what I did. We are often very clear about what we don’t want to do, have, say, or be, but it gets a whole lot fuzzier when we have to describe what we do want. There’s a great career guidance book titled, “I Don’t Know What I Want, But I Know It’s Not This” that to me illustrates this concept nicely. In my own search for potential careers and potential other things, sometimes the decisions have been defined as much by something that’s not something else, rather than what it actually is. It’s kind of like the anti-hero, being more defined by what you’re not than by what you are. How often do people view the misfortune of another person with, “Well at least I don’t have it as bad as that person does.” or  “It could be worse, I could be like so and so.” I remember dating someone once who said, “At least I’m not an ax murderer!”I remember exhaling and saying to myself, “Thank goodness.”

Even when confronted with a scary situation we tend to bravely utter, “I am not afraid!” But what am I then? I am courageous, I am confident, I am unshakable. What if instead of being against something, I am for its opposite? What if instead of being anti-war I was pro-peace? Instead of anti-poverty I were pro-prosperity? Anti-oppression versus pro-liberation?

How many times over the course of a day or week do I direct my speech in an anti affirmative (pro-negative) direction? If I took a tally of how often I used the word “not” or any of its contractions, I would imagine it could number in the dozens or higher. (I started to say, “I would not be surprised if it numbered in the dozens…” Sneaky how that “not”tries to show up.) I wish I were articulating this a little bit better tonight, because I believe it’s such an important idea. We spend so much time feeding ourselves a steady diet of not. And trust me, not is not very tasty (or another way to put that, “not tastes awful and lacks nutritional value…”).

I would like to issue a challenge to readers of this blog and I invite you to likewise challenge the people around you. For the next week, make a conscious effort to remove the word “not” and its many sneaky forms from your vocabulary. Find a positive, non-not way of saying what you’re trying to express. Be kind and gentle with yourself in this process–eliminating the “nots” can be quite challenging…and, quite a worthwhile exercise. Encourage yourself and those around you to find different, more positive ways to say things–you’ll find it’s quite possible to express the same sentiment with a slightly different spin. Keep at it (“don’t” give up!) and begin to pay attention to what happens as you do this. If you have a particularly interesting revelation, comment on this blog below, post it on Facebook, or send me an email (mtchamblee@walkinyourpower.com). I’ll share whatever gems and pearls of wisdom that people share with me. Come on! It’ll be fun (or It “won’t” be bad.)

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 828

Posted on October 19, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight I celebrate my daughter’s birth 23 years ago. I have written about her many times in the two and a half years since I first started writing this blog, including a post on her 21st birthday two years ago. I am so proud of her, not only who she is becoming but of how she carries herself, her passionate activism, her thoughtful way of speaking. She’s also an excellent writer; I have so appreciated the ways she’s stepped in as a regular contributor to this blog. I am grateful for the roles she plays in my life; she continues our family legacy of strong mother-daughter relationships. My mother had it with her mother, I had it with my mother and now I have it with my daughter.

I had to smile recently when I was listening to a colleague talk about her relationship with her currently teenaged child. “I had to get it through his head that I am not his friend. I am his parent.” She stated emphatically. I remember that phase. It doesn’t feel like it was all that long ago. Michal and I are perhaps still in that phase, though gradually transitioning out of it. I believe there does come a time when parents become friends with their children; I will be friends with both of my children. We will not be peers of course, but as they both mature they will rely less and less on my sage advice (and I will offer it less and less) and lean more on their own knowledge, understandings, and experience. This is as it should be, and while I’m in no particular hurry to relinquish my role as the oracle and knower of all mysteries, as my daughter continues to mature and deepen her own wisdom she will no longer need it to the same degree as she does today.

Tonight my daughter the young adult is out enjoying birthday festivities with her friends. It wasn’t too many years ago that I was the one taking her to dinner with a few of her friends or hosting a sleepover with a half dozen or more young girls running around in my basement all those years ago. We’ve been separated over the last few birthdays with her living 2800 miles away and I haven’t spoken to her to wish her a happy birthday. That too is part of the evolution from mother and child, through mother and unrecognizable creature known as hormonal, rebellious teenager, to mother and maturing, increasingly-responsible young adult. I look forward to the continuing growth and development of our relationship.

I am grateful for the solid connection I share with my daughter. While we’ve had our share of struggles with one another–the periodic disagreements and out and out fights–we also share a deep and abiding love for one another and a strong emotional connection. Not to mention that sometimes we are downright silly and enjoy some holding-our-sides with tears-streaming-down-our-faces laughter. A good healthy dose of uproarious laughter is always a good thing. I look forward to celebrating many, many more birthdays with my daughter, but for now I simply want to wish her a wonderful celebration on this day. Happy birthday, sweet pea.

Posted in Children, Family, Gratitude | Leave a comment

Lessons in Gratitude Day 827

Posted on October 18, 2013 by mtchamblee

I can’t help it. I am so grateful that it’s Friday I can hardly stand it. I don’t mean to be a broken record about it, but these days I am ready to collapse when I get home on Friday evenings. Tonight is no exception. Still, I am grateful for many blessings in my life today. Sometimes when I become aware of them, when I turn to look at them I find them overwhelming; and yet they remain among the simplest, most basic of blessings. Everyone should enjoy these blessings, yet I am all too aware that there are so many people in this world who do not have much of what I have in abundance. I want to take a few moments this evening to recount them yet again.

I am grateful that I have so many people in my life who love me. I have family members who love me: my children, siblings, nieces and nephews, even cousins and extended family. I cannot imagine my life without them and yet I know people who’ve had no meaningful connection with various members of their family. I can’t say that I know anyone who is totally alone in the world–that is they have no living family or close connections to anyone really. I believe that we humans are hardwired to seek connection; we thrive with it and are diminished without it. When you’re from a relatively large family, you’re born into a tribe, have a ready made team, are connected to people who have your back. I am grateful beyond measure for my family, and the same goes for my friends.

I have been fortunate throughout much of my life to have a least one or two good friends. Like many somewhat shy introverts (yes, there are some introverts who are not shy), I have a few close friendships rather than numerous casual friendships. Throughout the major eras of my life I’ve been graced with a few individuals who were like family in terms of how close we were. Some are friends to this day; others I’ve kept in poor contact with and have lost track of (in spite of efforts to track them down on social media…) I am likewise grateful for the work colleagues who became friends. It can be dicey to befriend people at work, depending on how closely you work with them. I imagine that at times lines can get kind of blurry when you become friends and hang out with people with whom you work closely. Still, I am grateful for the friend/colleagues who are still part of my life. Again, some I’ve lost track of but know with a fair degree of certainty that if we connected again today, we’d pick right up where we left of. Most of my work friends have that level of easygoing ways of relating that would make reconnecting a smooth proposition.

I’m grateful to be engaged meaningful work. Having gone through a tough period of un- and underemployment, I’m glad to be working period and doubly grateful to be doing work that I feel good about working with terrific people whose wellbeing I care about as much as I do their professional “output.” The work itself can at times be challenging and frustrating, but the overall value of what I do and the benefit it provides to others at various levels is very gratifying. I could be working someplace else, potentially making a lot more money, but satisfaction at work has to do with a lot more than money. I’ve seen enough highly paid people who deeply dislike what they’re doing, don’t have respect for the people the work for and with, and overall are completely misaligned with work that really resonates with their interests and skill sets. For the most part I am well suited to the work I am doing and am grateful for where I am in this moment. That is a very good thing.

I am grateful to be relatively able bodied. I experience the regular types of aches and pains that come along with a body that is 50-plus years old, but remain relatively healthy as best I can tell. I get irritated when something periodically goes a little out of whack, but I am so aware of how fortunate I have been to have remained healthy and without serious health issues. This too is something I recognize as a significant blessing.

There are so many other things I could write about this evening that I am  so grateful for, including the basic comforts of food, shelter, and clothing. I will wrap up this evening knowing that for everything I wrote about there are dozens more things I could have. They will have to wait for another day. Tonight I will take it easy, get some rest and wake up tomorrow morning with the new possibilities of a new day. May all being be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May we all know peace and happiness and the fruits thereof. So be it!

Posted in Family, Friends, Gratitude, Health and Wellbeing, Simple Blessings/Gratitude, Work/Employment | Leave a comment

Lessons in Gratitude Day 826

Posted on October 17, 2013 by mtchamblee

Tonight I am grateful once again for members of “Team Terry/Marquita” who continue to show up for me in so many ways. My sister Ruth, who for the second Thursday in a row came over to my house to let Honor out to get a little relief because I had to work late, and my daughter “MJ” who is guest blogger again this week, the team steps up when I ask for help every time. I am also grateful that I have gotten a whole lot better at asking for help. So tonight, enjoy this week’s lesson in gratitude from guest blogger, Michal “MJ” Jones.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Autumn has long been and remains my favorite season. Even with the gloominess of Seattle weather, I adore the crispness of the air, the dramatic color changing and falling of the leaves, the warmth and comfort of thicker coats, tasty pumpkin lattes and apple cider… the list goes on. In addition to creature comforts and the beauty of nature associated with autumn, fall is the time of year I find myself falling in love with people, ideas, and myself. Call it the Libra energy, but I believe autumn is the most romantic and loving time of the year.

I can hear the caution in my mother’s voice as I, once again, open up to her about my excitement at blossoming and deepening romance in my life. I don’t blame her – she has often been on the other side of the phone guiding me through difficult relationship dilemmas or comforting me through tears. Her presence and concern for me is the purest manifestation of unconditional love itself.

In some of my previous relationships, I often threw caution to the wind. I ignored warning signs and allowed myself to be treated disrespectfully. And, despite the pain inflicted upon me (as well as pain I caused others), I will never regret any of these relationships or their lessons. Although I did not realize it at the time, my desire for my concept of love outweighed the love and respect I held for myself.

I am grateful for both the presence and absence of love in my life. As I have grown older and (hopefully) wiser, my approach to love has shifted. I no longer allow myself to remain in situations where love has left the table or was never being served to begin with. I have more respect for myself than to settle for anything less than I deserve, which is the world and more. Wrapped up in almost all lessons of life and love is the practice of self-love, which I have yet to master, but that I acknowledge as fundamental. Love is at its healthiest and strongest when coming from a place of wholeness rather than reaching out for completion.

While I am less bright-eyed and bushy tailed about jumping into love with no precautions, I know that my ability to be present and open is one of the most important qualities in any relationship. Each of us carry scars and barriers, but if I believe or fear that a relationship or friendship is doomed from the beginning, why pursue it? If nothing else, the impermanence of love should lead me to appreciate it more, not avoid it or hold up barriers to block its flow. Just as a love or friendship connection, life itself may also end at any moment – should that stop me from living it?

I carry my mother’s wisdom with me as I make my own decisions about when and whom I love. I am both young and old; naïve and wise. I have no answers about where my love will be in a week, year, or years from now, but I don’t need them. I need presence of mind, heart, and spirit; I need to outstretch my arms; and I need to live.

Posted in Gratitude, Love, Relationships, Self Esteem | Leave a comment

Lessons in Gratitude Day 825

Posted on October 16, 2013 by mtchamblee

I do a lot of thinking in the morning: the 40-minute commute to work provides me with one of the quietest times I have in any given day, behind my morning journal writing time and other rare snatches of quiet. As an introvert I deeply value quiet, and find that I have so little of it during the course of my workday that by the end of the workweek I am suffering from extreme quiet deficit disorder (QDD).

What many people fail to understand about introversion is that it has much less to do with social skills–being talkative, outgoing, gregarious people-persons–and everything to do with what charges their batteries (and conversely what runs them down.) Introverts generally thrive on quiet, down time, me, myself and I time. The more externally focused, people interactive, meetings and appointments and introvert has, the more drained and exhausted they can become. I know that’s true for me. So by the end of a day like today–filled with meetings (one of which I was leading) and one-on-one appointments with people and the nonstop engagement with people: “Can I ask you a quick question?” “Marquita did you have a chance to look at that report I gave you?” “I’ll see you at the meeting this afternoon…” –I am ready to collapse.

Then I come home to blessed quietness where the only being I am accountable to is my dog, and once I’ve taken her on her walk and fed her I’m even off the clock with her (though I do play with her a little bit, lowering my blood pressure and making her very happy.) At times I have found my life a bit solitary and lonely; but at these crunch times when I have so much going on on my external work life, I absolutely need these hours of quiet to recharge. I am aware that I have not been giving myself enough quiet time and thus QDD has set in. What is the remedy for QDD? I am still working out the exact dosage, but I have to believe that a healthy amount of limited to  non-engagement with the outside world for a period of time would have me right as rain in no time. Mind you, I don’t have to be totally solo during this time, just not engaging with a whole lot of people for long stretches of time.

So I am grateful this evening for the self-awareness I have about what’s wearing me down. Many of the meetings and interactions I had today were important and good–connecting with people of good energy and strong convictions talking about matters that are of critical importance. They were enthusiastic, generative meetings. But I am no less exhausted for all that they were good. My sister reminded me that today is “hump day” for those of us who work a standard 8 to 5 job. For me that means that I can collapse on Friday evening and stir only as much as necessary on Saturday and Sunday.The rest of the world and in particular the people I work and interact with on a daily basis will thank me if I take the time to care for myself.

Maya Angelou said, “Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer.” Tonight as I rest my weary, overstimulated, mind, I am kneeling on the pillow of gratitude and offering myself a gift of quiet time. It may not be quite enough to totally refill my reserves, but its a good start. And for that I am most heartily grateful.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 824

Posted on October 15, 2013 by mtchamblee
“Mama said there’ll be days like this…”

Good ol’ Mama. The truth is I don’t remember my mother warning me I’d have days like this, but as I think about it, I reckon she probably did. There was nothing terrible about the day per se; it was simply a demanding, energy-draining affair. At the end of it I believe I got some things done, but I honestly couldn’t tell you what they all were. My goal every day is to show up as my best self, fully present as often as I can for as long as I can as best I can. Sometimes I hit the mark, sometimes I miss it. And sometimes I can’t tell. Today what I can say is that I showed up and I did my best, knowing that my energy level was lower than I like it to be at work. I didn’t feel on top of my game and that probably showed in the quality of my interactions with others and of the work I accomplished. And now at the close of the day I can only hope to get needed rest and try again tomorrow.

I had already decided that I was going to spin the wheel this evening. I simply feel too tired to be able to write a meaningful, coherent post tonight, so I will go with a repeat. And what a repeat it is. I merely decided to take on the nature of suffering as my subject  for day 161. It seems like an appropriate repost considering how cranky I was off and on throughout the day. I hope you find it as helpful as I did reading it this evening. May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering. May we know peace and happiness and the fruits thereof. So be it!

Today was a hectic and exhausting one at the Berkeley Food Pantry; we assisted a steady stream of clients distributing bags of groceries and produce throughout the two hours we’re open. It is good, hard work. I am grateful to be involved with the pantry and connecting with and serving the community. It has kept me grounded in the reality of my own situation as I work with people whose struggles are different from mine.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about the nature of suffering. Is the suffering of a person who comes into the food pantry because they lack financial means lesser or greater than that of someone possessing significant financial means but experiencing a serious illness? What about a person who makes a high salary and enjoys a comfortable lifestyle but who works a job that’s so stressful that it’s killing them. Are they suffering? Do people who are lonely suffer any less or more than people who are in unhealthy or abusive relationships? So many examples and questions about what it means to suffer.

In the last 15 months or so I have experienced loss of a parent, ending of a significant relationship, losing my job and the subsequent financial struggles that have arisen, moving from a lovely house and neighborhood in Berkeley to a smaller townhouse several miles away, and watched my children struggle with serious issues and challenges of their own. Am I suffering? And how do I measure that, particularly when I look around me and see so many people facing losses and challenges far greater than mine? I do not at all mean to diminish my experiences–they have been difficult and it has often felt like significant suffering. But I must hold my suffering in perspective: although things have been tough and continue to be so, I am grateful for and keenly aware of  the places in my life where I’ve clearly been blessed and remain so. I can acknowledge the things that are hard, but I don’t have to live in the hardness and the suffering.

Did you ever run into people who no matter what’s going on if you ask them how they’re doing they answer with an upbeat or positive response? I can remember a colleague from many years ago who when you ask him how he was doing he’d almost always reply with a huge, genuine smile on his face, “If I were any better I’d be twins” or “I’m so fantastic I can hardly stand it.” Then there are the people, some of whom I’ve met at the food pantry, who when you ask how they’re doing they answer, “I’m blessed.” And they mean it. It’s not some perfunctory answer that they rattle off without thinking (some people do, of course, but I’m not talking about them.) They truly feel blessed by the good things in their lives rather than beaten down by all the difficulties.

So things for me have been hard this year, no doubt about it. But I’m thinking that maybe I need to take this attitude of gratitude that I’ve been working on to a new level. What if when people ask me how I’m doing I reply with something like Jim’s “If I were any better I’d be twins?” Okay, maybe not that one, but something like it. What if, when asked that question, I infuse my heart and mind with all the gratitude I have for the many many blessings in my life and from that place I answer,“I am so grateful today?” Can you imagine what that would do to my own energy, the way I walk through the world, my attitude towards others and the impact of that energy washing over them? I just wonder.

I’ve never really been a naturally upbeat person; for many years I struggled with low-grade depression, loneliness, and general unhappiness (was I suffering?) But now I’m thinking I might try this on for real. So tomorrow while I’m out and someone asks me how I’m doing, rather giving than some low-energy, noncommittal answer like “Oh,I’m hanging in there,” or even “I’m alright,” I’m going to take a breath inhaling all that good gratitude energy and say, “You know, I’m really good,thank you for asking” or “I’m grateful today for so many things. How about you?” I’ll try it and report back.

Now I am keenly aware that I have these great ideas at night while I’m writing my gratitude blog and then wake up in the morning tired and perhaps occasionally cranky and have to work twice as hard to get into the space of trying these great ideas (Remember the other day when I was going to offer myself compassion throughout the entire day? Mixed results on that one, but I’m still working on it.) So we’ll see how this goes. Those of you who live close to me and see me periodically have the opportunity to witness first hand if I am successful at this. This will be a good test over the next couple of weeks, because I have tended to be a little “humbuggish”at Christmas time. Allowing myself to be infused with gratitude as I interact in the world in the next few weeks and operating from that place might diminish that characteristic or eliminate it entirely. One can hope.

I am grateful for the perspective I am gaining on what “suffering”looks like. It doesn’t wear the obvious faces one might think it does. Someone who looks “fine”could be suffering tremendously, and others who might seem to be down on their luck might be perfectly content with where they are. It is not for any of us to judge, just for us to be aware and offer compassion whenever and wherever we can. Meanwhile, I’m going to be so great I can hardly keep from bursting into song!

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 823

Posted on October 14, 2013 by mtchamblee

I am grateful tonight for every one of us who has struggled with something, who have fallen down, and battered and bruised, scraped and bleeding, scrambled to get back up, wobbly at first but gradually regaining strength and stability. Whether literally or figuratively, we have all been knocked down by something and by some grace, some miracle, a hand reaching out to us, or our own inner fortitude, we find what we need to get back to our feet and back into the flow of life. I am grateful for all that I have been able to draw upon that helps me climb back on my feet and gets me back in the race: family, friends, the kindness of strangers, serendipity, the grace of God, my own strength and perseverance. These are things that in one way or another are available and accessible to all of us.

I have been blessed with wonderful family and friends; I’ve written about them many times, recounting the many, many (many) ways that they’ve lifted, held, supported me. And yet at times it can be a smile and passing words from a stranger that is just what I need to hear, a message on a billboard, a lyric to a song that happens to come on the radio that also have remarkable power to uplift. At one point in my life when I was feeling really low about something, one of my sisters said to me, “There are signs everywhere; you just have to look for them.” “Yeah, sure,” I grumbled, not at all convinced that God was speaking to me, sending me signs. I used to complain that they were so obscure that I never seemed to find them. But she was right, there really are signs everywhere; what was often lacking was my capacity to see and appreciate what was right in front of me.

During some really challenging days I was somehow struck with the idea that I needed to express gratitude on a daily basis, in meaningful ways. That is when I started writing this blog. It started out as simply a good idea that Oprah and so many self-help gurus, positive psychologists, and countless others have recommended: make a list every day of 10 things you are grateful for. Of course as one who is gifted in making something more work than is called for, I decided to write in detail about what I was grateful for and why. (I explained this on Day One of Lessons in Gratitude.) This simple exercise became in essence an anchor that kept me grounded when the various storms and dramas of life would have blown me away.

The strength of will that was required to write every day, no matter how I was feeling allowed me to develop muscles I didn’t knew I had. Every time I “exercised” gratitude, I strengthened my ability to persist, persevere, and withstand the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that life seemed to be hurling at me. By choosing to focus on my blessings, on the things for which I was grateful, it diverted energy away from focusing on everything that was difficult, challenging, going “wrong.” And I began to see more that was right in my world than what was wrong. Though I still cried, was puzzled and frustrated, and had moments of depression, sadness, and anxiety, there came a point when those days were fewer and the days when I felt peaceful, calmer, and more patient with myself grew. And while I have by no means arrived, and still have much to learn and many more lessons in gratitude to gain and then offer to others, I have come a long distance on my journey. You have come right along with me, fellow companions on the path. For your company and your participation with me in this grand experiment in gratitude, I am most definitely and exceedingly grateful.

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Lessons in Gratitude Day 822

Posted on October 13, 2013 by mtchamblee
“I love you like the moon at night, big and round, warm and bright…”

This evening as I returned home from an evening at my sister’s house I noticed something I hadn’t seen for the past several nights: the moon shining in a relatively clear sky. It had been cloudy, wet, and rainy for the past several days so the light from the first quarter moon was a welcome sight. Not only do I enjoy looking at the moon for its own sake, it also represents the promise of sunny weather tomorrow. Tonight I am grateful for simple things: the moon as it marches across the sky on an autumn evening, another productive Sunday in terms of my regular routine home projects, and overall a weekend in which I didn’t overexert myself and managed to get a little rest.

Tonight I decided to spin the wheel and landed on Day 3, written in July 2011 in which I made a significant decision: I had decided that I would remain in California–if I could manage it–until my daughter graduated from college in May of 2012. I hadn’t known then how great a challenge it would be for me to live out that commitment, but I managed it. I knew that in various ways my kids each needed for me to be there with them, close by at least, as they navigated some very taxing and complicated situations. In the 15 months I remained in California after I reached the decision to stay, I helped them manage legal difficulties, car accidents, and various dramas and traumas, as well as the day-t0-day hassles of working and going to school. All of this while I was looking for full-time work, both in the area as well as out of state. Though I’d made the commitment to stay, I still needed to earnestly seek opportunities wherever I could find them. As fate would have it, the “right” opportunity presented itself after I’d fulfilled my various obligations to each of my children. In short, I could move on.

I am grateful this evening to have both my morning journal and my blog as a chronicle of my life as it unfolded during some difficult days. I can go back and re-read about how I overcame obstacles, including those I erected myself, and stood strong in the face of challenges. I want to share my reflections from Day Three of this blog because of the lesson is has to teach about making a firm commitment to a particular action. I know I needed to reread it as a reminder to myself of the power of making a decision and committing to it. I have a few things I am muddling over in my mind that perhaps at some point I need to stop muddling over and decide so things can move forward. Enjoy this post from July 2011.

I am blessed to be surrounded by good people–friends and family–who love and support me no matter what’s going on. This weekend I am spending time with old friends who have opened their home and their lives up to me, providing me with a space to breathe, refresh, renew.

I woke this morning with an important awareness that I needed to make a firm commitment to something in my life about which I’d been waffling for many weeks. I made the decision that I am going to stay put in California (where I’ve lived for nearly six years) even though some of the main reasons that brought me here no longer exist. I realized that as long as I waffle about where I’m going to live, then I would also be waffly about what I am supposed to be doing here. Something had to be settled. I am committed to staying put and with that commitment I have the faith, the positive expectation that circumstances will arrange themselves so that I’ll be able to fulfill that commitment.

I like the quotation about commitment that has been attributed to both Goethe and to William H. Murray (if you google “Until one is committed”you’ll find it attributed to both.)

Until one is committed, there is hesitancy,the chance to draw back,always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.

Before this morning, I lived the hesitancy, the chance to draw back and the inevitable ineffectiveness. Today, I have made a commitment. I am grateful for the dawning awareness that led me to make it. And with the declaration of that commitment I likewise have begun to take small steps in the direction that supports it. I fully expect providence will begin to move visibly in my favor. I am also glad that I’ve committed to thinking more deeply and writing about gratitude. It pushes me to put my attention and my intention on the positive even when I am not feeling so great.

I had breakfast with my friend Mary this morning, telling her about my decision and benefiting from her wise perspective on the matter. Later I told my son Jared and he too added his wisdom to the mix.  And I ended the day with my friends Nancy and Jacquie who did the same. One important thing I know for myself is that when I commit to something this important I need to invite others on this journey with me, both to hold me accountable and to hold my hand through the process. I am grateful to have the love, support and the witness.

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